06.05.2021

Women refuse from the presence of the husband at birth due to fear of losing their sexual attractiveness

Today, women are increasingly expressing the desire to give birth in the presence of her husband. Although only recently joint birth was categorically forbidden, now it is in the order of things in all maternity hospitals accepting births under the contract. How does the presence of the husband affect the birth process, how does this affect the further relationships of young parents and which couples are going to such a test, the correspondent of SE explained. 

Women refuse from the presence of the husband at birth due to fear of losing their sexual attractivenessThe cow gives birth – the bull has a sore belly
It turns out that the practice of joint births is far from a new-fangled phenomenon. It was very common among the many nationalities living in Russia. It was believed that childbirth is a process in which not two, but three people participate, and the father of the child who was born helped his wife in her work. The most important thing that he could do was to take over part of his wife’s birth pains. And for example, in Slovakia, the midwife at the beginning of the birth spoke to the couple: “Endure both!”. The purpose of these words is to transfer some of the pain from the wife to the husband.

Today, couples who want to endure together become more and more, but in comparison with usual births the percentage of such pairs is still small – about 10-15%. Both parents are allowed to be present in all maternity hospitals, except for the 1st, because of the absence of separate clan chambers. In some maternity homes, there is no need to pay an extra fee for the presence of the husband if this is part of the “paid” delivery, in the maternity home of the Central Hospital of the SB RAS, 2000 will be taken for the presence of the second half, and 5000 rubles for the 25th maternity hospital. 

Who needs the audience?
Not every birth, which is attended by both parents, can be called joint. Obstetrician-gynecologist of the maternity hospital of the medical center “Avicenna”, MD, Professor Igor Marinkin believes that they really become joint when the husband is prepared and involved in the generic process, and not present on it as a spectator. And in this case, the husband can become a full-fledged partner and assistant, facilitating the birth process for the woman in labor and medical personnel. “It is very important that the father at birth is not an outside observer, a spectator. 

For a man it’s very hard to stay idle, and if he just watches, he will feel fear for his wife’s health, a feeling of helplessness – he will feel that something terrible is happening to the woman and he can not help.

A consequence of such a test may be coldness and exclusion from a woman “, – considers the perinatal psychologist of the psychological center” Pearl “, obstetrician-gynecologist, doctor-psychotherapist Anna Dodonova.

And this, in general, is not surprising. Just imagine that you were in labor without knowing anything about them, and even remember the footage from Hollywood movies, where the heroine gives birth with huge eyes and a wild cry. Therefore, in order not to injure your psyche and your spouse, go to the joint birth after training, which is what most couples do in Russia. In this case, the man can become a very important participant in the process – to provide the mother in contact with doctors and midwives, because he is less absorbed in his feelings and better keeps control over the situation, to help his wife take the right pose, massage her, relieve pain, help breathe properly and certainly support emotionally. So a woman gets the opportunity to focus on her feelings and not think about the outside of the process. 

1 + 1 = 3
Women refuse from the presence of the husband at birth due to fear of losing their sexual attractivenessBut, perhaps, most of all in this situation the child wins. For him, the generic process is a powerful stress, and the fact that the father shares with his mother physical and emotional experiences, first of all, facilitates the process of his birth. According to the director of the women’s psychological center “Incomparable”, the psychologist Elena Moskovchenko, when two people, the most important for the child, waited for him and met his birth, the process of birth is much more gentle, and the child grows more holistic and harmonious. 

And in the pair itself, the relationship does not remain the same. Director of the Kapelka Center for Early Childhood Development and Early Childhood Development, perinatal psychologist Elena Saldina believes that the relationship in the pair changes unambiguously in the process of gestation and childbirth, but the nature of these changes depends on what the relationship was before the birth. 

Fathers, who were preparing for childbirth and “giving birth” together, are much more tolerant of the fact that all the attention and energy of a woman is completely directed to the child for several months. As a rule, the instinct of paternity is quickly awakened in them – taking a child in his arms after work becomes rest and joy, and not a burden. 

In addition, in such pairs the probability of the appearance of second and third children is very high, since the first birth was much easier due to the joint participation of the parents.

I’m not a coward, but I’m afraid
“It’s natural for close loving people to be together in difficult situations and support each other,” said Anna Dodonova from the Pearl Center. However, the reluctance to give birth together is often enough. Many couples or one of the partners believes that “this is not a man’s business.” Women do not want to show themselves to men in such an aesthetically unattractive way, afraid to lose their sexual attraction for them, and husbands often support them in this desire. Even more common reason for refusing joint births is a man’s fear, based on the elementary lack of quality information about childbirth. And often the wife does not trust her husband, believing that he is emotionally unbalanced and will behave inadequately – sometimes it turns out to be true, and sometimes – a distorted perception of his partner.

A common stereotype that, after all that he has seen, a man loses a sexual interest in a woman is probably connected with the responses of the father, who were not “pregnant” with his wife and did not fully engage in paternity.

In the opposite case, a man, like a woman, is reduced sexual desire – they both now take care of the baby, they do not need to have children yet. If you are burning desire to share the joys and hardships of childbirth with a partner, but he does not support this aspiration, do not rush to persuade him. Do it so that he, together with you, would approach the final decision gradually: first let him be “pregnant” with the pope, study theoretical information, attend courses for future parents. Perhaps his decision will change – do not rush him, because he has the opportunity to make a final decision at the last moment.

In any case, successful partnering efforts are primarily made by voluntary participation of both parents and preparedness – both must understand what awaits them. And each pair has to decide for themselves whether they are ready for such a joint test or not. But any of their decisions, taken together and consciously, can form a completely reliable platform for the birth of a new man.

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