07.05.2021

The phrase that “there are no worthy people,” a woman hides herself when she does not want to change something in herself

Some time ago the SHE portal asked the readers the question: “Do you have problems in the intimate life?”. According to the results of the poll, the first place was not the desired, but some elusive orgasm, and the lack of sex as such. The lack of sex affects not only women who do not have a constant boyfriend, but also happy owners of a very young and very beloved husband. With the help of specialists, the correspondent of SE tried to find out what was the matter, and most importantly – what to do?

The phrase that "there are no worthy people," a woman hides herself when she does not want to change something in herselfMore than 30% of SHE readers who voted in the poll named the lack of sex as the main problem of their intimate life. Does our generation have sex less often than, for example, our grandmothers? “I think our grandmothers had more sex – they were much more often married,” says anthropologist Andrei Shapovalov. “But there is quantity, but quality.” Then there were no developed ideas about sex, which are now. Not that women used to have less sexual needs, but the notion of sex was not as sophisticated as it is now. ”

But a modern woman has “more sophisticated” not only about sex, but also about what the partner as a whole should be, starting with the brand of his car and ending with his ability to understand modern art. “Obviously, a modern successful and self-sufficient woman has a somewhat high demand for what the partner should be,” Mr. Shapovalov continues. – As a result, it is difficult for the woman herself to find a partner, and it is difficult for a partner to meet her requirements. At the same time, modern men are really degrading, because they have changed their role in society.

The fact that in modern civilization people do not have enough free time and they experience stresses that interfere with sexual life – this is not a myth. Men and women work hard, and they do not have time to meet. Trying to meet high demands, men are in a constant race – hence the stress and fatigue. A woman takes this fatigue for laziness. ” 

According to experts, especially acute problem “Why do not you want me?” Becomes for women who have crossed the thirty-year boundary. At this age, a woman literally blossoms, her sexual needs grow, and men begin to gradually reduce their sexual activity.

“Only the presence of intimate relationships tells a woman that she is a woman,” explains why regular sex is so important for us, sexologist Igor Poperechny. “Otherwise, she feels like an indeterminate sex.” Intimate relationships give a woman a psychological state of relevance. If it does not feel its own relevance, it can lead to serious problems, from depression to gynecological diseases. ”

The phrase that "there are no worthy people," a woman hides herself when she does not want to change something in herselfObstetrician-gynecologist of the medical center “Ecopark” Elena Meliukova confirms that the problem for today is really actual: young girls and women of older age speak about it. In addition to the fact that the lack of sex has a bad effect on the psychoemotional state, it, as Elena Milyukova explains, can become one of the causes of mastopathy, can lead to stagnation in the female genitalia and subsequently – to inflammatory diseases. There may be a violation of the reproductive function, a malfunction of the menstrual cycle. “Do not get me wrong,” can “- does not mean that it will necessarily happen. And yet, sex is life. ”

So, what to do if a man is, and sex is still not enough? In this case, there is nowhere to go from frank conversation, from a clear explanation of what exactly does not suit, and suggestions to solve the problem together. If the conversation does not work out – it’s time to think about the appearance of a third party. But this is not the one you thought about. 

It is meant that it’s time to contact a specialist. “If people can not speak frankly with each other, it means that they have a problem of relationships not only in the intimate terms,” ​​says sexologist Igor Poperechny. “A psychotherapist or sexologist can act as an objective referee, because men themselves rarely acknowledge the existence of a problem.”

It is time for a psychotherapist or a sexologist to appear on stage if all the traditional ways to ignite the fire of passion are tried, but the result is still not there. By the way, and to perceive these methods as the last hope is not necessary.

“Sex toys, erotic underwear, role-playing games are a fakir for an hour,” says Igor Poperechny. – Of course, it helps to diversify sex life, and diversity is always good. But all kinds of “gadgets” can not serve as a key to solving problems.

If a person simply does not have the strength, toys and the like will not lead to success. ” The problem, as it often happens, is “from the head”. According to Igor Poperechny, about 90% of sexual disorders are associated with psychological problems (most often with a depressive condition) and only about 10% – with pure “physiology.” And here a specialist can help.

The phrase that "there are no worthy people," a woman hides herself when she does not want to change something in herselfHowever, much more often there is no sex simply because there is no permanent partner. Could it be that a modern woman is caught between two behaviors: an old-fashioned family model that is too conservative for her, and free sexual behavior that – no matter how beautiful Samantha from “Sex in the Big City” – is too radical for her? As a result, she has neither one nor the other – no orderly and regular sex, no easy “adventure” …

“Modern mass culture is now just pushing its consumer to the idea that there is nothing vicious and worthy of condemnation in temporary connections,” answers the anthropologist Andrei Shapovalov. – But casual communication is a kind of surrogate, sex for sex. A woman of one sex is not enough – she needs also conversations, walks, movies and – “where we put a sofa?” … 

“It does not happen that a woman could not find herself a sexual partner – hard and soberly answers the next question from a correspondent SHE sexologist Igor Poperechny. – The phrase that “there are no worthy people,” a woman hides herself when she does not want to change something in herself. I do not mean that I need to sleep with the first one, I believe that every effort should be made to build interpersonal relations. “

So, it is not enough to love yourself for who you are, you also need to work on yourself and not be consoled by the idea of ​​men having broken something out above (by male experts, by the way). Igor Poperechny proposes to analyze his behavior and the current situation, to look at himself soberly: “When trying to understand” why am I alone? “, The same depression, a state in which the picture of reality is distorted, can come out, for example.” The work on self can help here, either alone or with the help of a psychologist. “We must admit that if a woman behaved in a certain way in the past and this behavior did not lead to a positive result, it is necessary to change tactics. It is necessary to retrain – it is possible at any age. “

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