Modern women are still trying to catch up with men in different spheres of life. But these achievements are not always encouraging.
If Madame Bovary Flaubert, with her immoral behavior, stirred and angered the whole of Europe, Carrie from “Sex in the Big City”, changing the partner, in the modern spectator will cause, if not approval, understanding.
According to some reports, every fifth woman cheats on her man. What are looking for ladies on the side and why choose the slippery path of marital infidelity, the correspondent of SE explained.
Are we changing?
Despite the global changes in the social roles of men and women, the first society looks at sexual adventures through their fingers – it seems to be not good, but where to go from nature? At the same time, a woman with several partners, until now, if not stoned, is certainly despised. But increasing financial and social independence gives a green light to women seeking romantic adventures. “Today many women are engaged in business, they achieve success. If earlier there was a restraining factor in the form of dependence on a man, now a woman can safely declare herself, “says Tatiana Koroleva, a psychotherapist at the Insight Clinic.
For the first time in the figures about female infidelity, the well-known sexologist Alfred Kinsey started talking. According to his calculations, 50% of men and 26% of women under the age of 40 changed (and this in 1953!). Modern psychologists note that women are gradually drawn to men.
Among the provoking factors, experts note work in the office, where women spend a lot of time and where workers of both sexes are present. There are data on the relationship of the number of partners before marriage with the probability to go in search of love after the wedding – the more the first, the more likely the second.
If you do not go into ethical moments, and compare the motives that push on the betrayal of men and women, you can find significant differences. Betrayal of men is more associated with physiological factors and the search for new sensations. While the woman is more attuned to the emotional component. “It’s more difficult for a woman to change a woman than a man, because of a purely physiological essence – she is naturally determined to have one man,” says psychotherapist, director of the Harmony center Nikita Lozin. To the betrayers, men and women are also treated differently. According to a foreign study (Center for Sexual Health and Relations), women stated that they would be more upset by the partner’s love than by accidental sexual intercourse (65% of women compared to 47% of men), while men would be more outraged by partner’s extramarital sex,
Men are frightened by rivals in sex, women are afraid to lose emotional intimacy, say the researchers.
Perhaps, because of the greater emotionality of women, twice as often as men, they use treason as an excuse to break off marital relations.
What’s the matter?
Funny coincidence, but women change their spouses for the same reasons that they once married them: for love, because of sex and because of a sense of security. True, this time they get it all in another place.
Among the reasons that push women to betrayal, we can identify five, they are all closely related to each other.
1. Loneliness.Even having a ring on your finger, and a husband at your side, you can feel lonely. Male ignorant and disdain drive a woman into a corner. “If a spouse does not see a woman in her wife, if she does not give signs of attention, does not observe certain rituals, this gives rise to dissatisfaction. This dissatisfaction and pushes the woman to adultery, “- explains Nikita Lozin.
2. Revenge.They say that women, responding to a blow in the back, react more cruelly and subtly than men. Any offense inflicted by the husband may be the cause of revenge, but more often the stimulus is the packaging of condoms found in the car, or other very unambiguous marks. In this case, righteous anger, overwhelming a faithful wife, can push her into the arms of another. “Such a betrayal becomes very unpleasant for a woman, because, having reached the goal, she feels guilty,” notes Nikita Lozin. By the way, it is at the expense of feelings of guilt that the illusion that treason strengthens marriage lives.
“A woman who experiences guilt has more incentives to pay a man for what she has done. As a result, it can temporarily change something in the family, improve relations, “continues Nikita Lozin.
3. Self-evaluation. If a woman does not receive approval and support in the family, you can find out the reasons and try to turn the tide. However, this requires tremendous efforts and does not guarantee the result. It’s much easier to find another man. The goal is to feel sexy, to feel your own worth, to feel care. “We have three levels of interaction – a child with whom we can have fun, an adult with whom we can discuss some problems, and a parent who can take care when we are unwell,” says Tatyana Koroleva. – If one of the levels is missing, the woman tries to get the missing on the side. ”
4. Sex.There are ladies who seek a lover solely because of the lack of sex with the spouse. They can not inflame the flame of their former passion, but they still want sex in all its diversity, not a couple of dull body movements once a month. Nevertheless, psychologists say that women in pure form, without a psychological component, want very seldom. “If you divide adultery into male and female, the male is most often purely physiological, for a change. For a woman, it’s more like an exception, “says psychologist Nikita Lozin. Reduction of libido in men is usually associated with stress or with age, when testosterone levels drop – losing the sensation of “sexual stallion”, they are better at all refuse intimacy than they will not show themselves at altitude. For men to agree to talk about this, they need diplomacy and patience – their wives often do not have enough,
5. Romance. Who invented these tales of eternal princesses waiting for the prince? They have been misleading women since childhood. Dreams about romance, colors, candles, sweets and a daily love feast with a roar break about dry discussions of buying household appliances. The casual compliment, thrown by a colleague, is like a grain that fell into fertile soil.
If your marriage is cracked, think about what you really need. This is clearly not the guy that desperately winks at your lunch break. He is simply the personification of your unresolved problems. According to Mr. Lyozin, both partners are to blame for the problems in the relationship, but when one starts to meet, he has a chance for an answer from the other. Maybe not all is lost?