The common expression that men are few today and not enough at all, has its confirmation: according to statistics, the number of men relative to the number of women decreases annually.
So, if in 1989 there were 876 men per 1000 women in the region, in 2002 – 866, in the previous year, in 2007 – 854. If this continues, by 2026 there will be only 812 men per 1000 women in the Novosibirsk region. Among women, such data cause subconscious panic, for men in the overwhelming majority – malicious smirk.
Why is the statistics so cruel than it is fraught with and how, in conditions of severe competition, to find their own happiness, the correspondent of SE explained.
Strictly speaking, nature is very prudent and men produce with a reserve: “Of every hundred children born, boys are always born by 5-7 more,” comments the demographer, Doctor of Historical Sciences Vladimir Isupov. – Approximately 12-14 years the ratio is equalized due to the higher mortality of boys for biological reasons. However, after 16 years social factors come into play: men engage in more dangerous activities, are less cautious, are more likely to contract infectious diseases and fall into accidents, and also smoke and drink more. Social risk factors for men are greater, therefore, by the beginning of the marriageable age in Russia, there is a phenomenon called shortage of suitors. And with age, this gap is even greater. ”
Men are not only less protective of themselves, but also more difficult to adapt to the surrounding reality. In addition, they experience stress worse (contrary to myths). “Women have higher rates of so-called emotional intelligence, which is responsible for flexibility of thinking and adaptability.
In other words, a woman can respond to stress more variably – to become angry or cry, in men, adrenaline, pathological type of reaction predominates, which eventually weakens immunity, “says the psychotherapist, MD, the head of the Academic Psychosomatic Center Leschinskaya Barbara. Thus, the notorious female “weakness” turns around even by force.
Our modernity makes high demands for all of its children, regardless of gender: in Russia, as a technologically advanced country, many men are still engaged in heavy work – physically or complicated due to their high responsibilities. Many men can not stand the rhythm. Therefore, today we can observe the phenomenon when more and more women are in leadership positions. This phenomenon also affects the sphere of personal relationships between men and women.
So, according to the observations of the family psychotherapist, the director of the Marina Maratun center of the same name, today a woman who provides herself needs less marriage than a single man needs in a family. This is due to the fact that a woman is much more successful in “collecting” the mosaic of her full life: she can earn, provide comfort in the house and have a baby.
It is the woman who creates the atmosphere of the house, which is beyond the power to create the most economic man. But in marriage, a woman gives more. As a confirmation, we can recall the statistics according to which a married man is healthier and lives longer than a single woman, but a married woman, on the contrary, lives less alone.
What, then, is the tendency of the growing deficit of men? The first thought is to increase the competition among women. Igor Poperechny, director of the Center for Medical Sexology and Psychotherapy, confirms that this can be a confirmation of the popular rumor that there is no female friendship: every woman wants to give birth to a child from a worthy specimen, and competition (even unconscious) for such a man is always present among girlfriends.
The second point: “Well, men, now picks …”. Opinions on this issue are ambiguous: some experts note that the situation when a man feels more relaxed, is very real in any society where the female population predominates. But some advise not to simplify the situation and not to reduce the issue of male infidelity to only an overabundance of women: “A quality man is certainly always in demand, but it is necessary to take into account the differences in male and female sexuality: a man can have sex without love, so he will always be interested in a certain choice.
One question is “why does a man change?” There may be more than one answer: his uncertainty, imitation of friends, society (“like everyone else”), midlife crisis, after all, a bad relationship with his wife when he starts looking for more comfortable ones relations. It would be too easy to reduce everything to a shortage of men, “- says Marina Markutun.
Can expect a decline in the number of marriages? But it is already falling, mainly because of a change in priorities: today, women are more career-oriented, and not family-oriented. This is confirmed by demographers, sociologists and psychologists.
Education without prejudice
Here is what is really important – the situation of female loneliness and the question – is it possible to raise children without a man? And here we do not observe unanimity.
“A lonely woman has problems only if she thinks that they should be, this is usually inspired by stereotypes,” Marina Vladimirovna expresses her position. – If such a woman gives birth to a child, the problem will be his upbringing, if the woman was not ready for him. It is possible to raise a child without a husband, if there are those in the environment who can make authority for the child. ”
“A child raised without a father will never be adapted to the environment,” says Igor Poperechny. “Only a man can teach a child not to be afraid of the outside world and to contact the society.” He also notes the main problem, which affects many, even very successful women:
“A lonely woman who also brings up a child subconsciously begins to compete with a man. She seems to be telling herself that it’s better than all the men put together.
For a child, such a model is harmful, because he begins to perceive male stereotypes of behavior as female, and this leads to serious disruptions in his development. ”
As for the answer to the question “how does a woman stop being lonely?”, The answers of the specialists are very similar: the woman in today’s tough competition has only one opportunity not to get into a vicious circle – to develop herself, to become emotionally mature and independent, because under all other conditions this is the main thing that will help to find and attract a worthy man. Playing someone else’s role, the woman will eventually become entangled herself. Translating into the usual language, you can again return to a simple manifesto, which, as it turned out, does not have a deep meaning: to remain a woman in any situation.