If you suddenly realize that you increasingly prefer to fall asleep in an embrace with a book and a pillow, and do not waste time before going to bed for sex, you will probably find that the husband is worried.
The possible option: your desire is not extinguished, but the man prefers not to run to you in a warm bed, but to chat with friends at the bar. Or the worst scenario: more and more often you realize that your relationship is still close, but each of you is more tolerant of lack of sex, and you do not want to.
Why indifference to sex arises and how to regain the lost attraction, the correspondent of SE learned.
The habit of love
If you are still planning to live with your loved one together, for sure, at least once they have reflected: what will be your so wonderful now sexual relations in a few years. After all, it is believed that reducing the severity of experiences in bed is a natural and natural process, to which, alas, everything is susceptible. In this there is some truth.
“Over time, the person begins to include the process of adaptation of the psyche to what is happening, and the stimuli (including sexual ones) that previously exerted powerful influence, the psyche reacts with less energy,” explains Igor Lyakh, a psychotherapist, a sexologist at the clinic ” Insight. ” “At the same time, the processes of adaptation will occur more quickly for that partner, for whom sex is associated with a certain compulsion.”
In other words, if a woman is clearly or secretly inferior to her husband, having sex more than she has a real need for, her interest will “burn” much faster.
The lower the sexual temperament of a person, the faster he learns about boredom in bed with a regular partner.
Stop in the desert
However, in early youth, while the body is young, strong and demanding of physical pleasures, very few people complain about boredom. Boredom begins to complain after years have passed, but there was a feeling: something was lost on the way. It is appropriate to recall here the social stereotypes that affect sex indirectly. So, if a girl has a man, has a great sex with him, there is not only a seal in the passport, but it is to her that the lady seeks all the fibers of the soul, she, without noticing, harms her sexuality, which directly depends on the individual development of the woman:
“The mother’s female instinct, which a woman has, by the age of 25, forces her to seek that stable state that will give birth to a child. For some, this aspiration is so strong and eclipses all the others that the young woman stops developing her as a person.
If a woman were not so aggressive with regard to marriage and the birth of children, but waited six to seven years and started developing herself, she might not have received the problems that married women so often complain about, – said Igor Poperechny, director of the Center for Medical Sexology and Psychotherapy.
Too even relations
The last point, after which few people avoid problems in sex, is the birth of a child. Just this boundary is not so dangerous – it is temporary, purely physiological. It is dangerous that partners have accumulated negative at this moment. “Violation of relationships in bed is a clear indicator of broken relationships between people,” says Igor Poperechny. Therefore, if the partners had sexual indifference to each other (otherwise everything is still wonderful), it primarily says that something went wrong in their kingdom.
“We must understand that the number of sexual poses is inherently limited, there are no gymnastic stances on the head, clownery and acrobatic sketches. It can be in youth, when a person has fun, tries everything new. But this is temporary, and it is the turn of more peaceful sexual relations, when it is not the diversity that is important, but the sense of true intimacy that people get from each other in bed, “Igor Poperechny believes. And if there is no unity of souls, then the “banality of body movements” in sex will really start annoying soon. At the same time, it is not necessary that the partners hate each other, they often have friendly relations and affection.
Change yourself without changing yourself
Before you are afraid to think about the end of the world, you should ask yourself the question – what actually keeps you together. And what are you willing to go to change yourself and your relationship. Sometimes you can hear “advice” to sidetrack to refresh and bring back the taste for life. Like, a little prank will add pepper and make you play a blush on your cheeks. Igor Lyakh notes that this is not a way to solve the problem. And resort to this method, those people who want to improve their self-esteem. True, there is too much risk that a woman will have a heart to a new partner-lover, and a man will simply feel the “taste of freedom” – and the consequences of this kind for a married couple will be deplorable.
There are some more classic recommendations that can often be seen on women’s forums. For example, buy lingerie with lace, and on the way to drop into a sex shop for handcuffs and a nurse’s dressing gown. This is a useful, but temporary: as sexologists consider, toys can make a difference and are useful if the couple wants to change. But they do not work by themselves, and it will not be possible to use new underwear as a method of revitalizing passion. In addition, if one of the partners does not even want to try to play in any way, it probably says again that there is no confidence in the pair and partners are afraid to look stupid if something is new to them.
“This is a certain style of relationships, when partners can not say about the problems directly. Some of them may refuse diversity, referring to insignificant reasons – this indicates a lack of trust.
Most often this happens when the parties, without being aware of it, take a competitive position towards each other, “Igor Pereperchny explains.
Know and do
If you have consistently gone through all the points that could cause your bed cooling, it’s time to start something to change. Summarizing the above, let us summarize:
• First, get rid of the consumer attitude towards sex. If at the beginning of the relationship everything goes like clockwork, in all senses, then in due course there are new tasks: to constantly develop oneself and learn new things. Use the experience gained in the process of family life, so that your relationship goes up to a new level, rather than rolling on the rolled-in.
• Be honest with yourself. Answer yourself – on what is your union based, where you make the same mistakes, which you stubbornly do not want to notice.
• Learn frankness with a partner. Discuss the problem with it and start the experiments. Remember that this will give a result only if both partners are interested in changes.
• Review your views on work. “The level of knowledge of modern people is very high, only the experience of personal application is insufficient. After all, sex begins at first sight, attention develops into interest, then into desire. To this, only the sexual tension that has arisen is very easy to give up, to put it into work. Today it is very typical for men: they are more engaged in their work than with their sex, especially if they have something that does not get along, “warns Igor Lyakh.