We constantly evaluate and analyze the world around us. And myself including. People with high self-esteem believe that they are strong, competent and worthy of a good life. Those who underestimate themselves, suffer from criticism and feel defective.
Behind the feeling of “underdelivery”, as a rule, problems from childhood disappear, when parents did not love, neglected, and underestimated. The learned mechanism, like a weed, grows and completely fills the adult life. How to increase self-esteem and learn to love yourself, the correspondent of SE explained.
It so happened that in our society the word “self-confident” is negative. Maybe because next to an uncertain, pimply girlfriend is much calmer than with a luxurious young lady who knows her own worth?
Many people evaluate themselves through the prism of external factors: wages, external appeal, love and respect for other people. However, this system is doomed: as soon as one of the external factors changes and the above-mentioned young lady appears on the horizon (and sooner or later it will happen), confidence will be lifted as a hand, and despondency and longing will roll up instead. And if the sense of one’s own worth is firmly based on the fact of someone’s disposition or love, then the end of the relationship can mean that life is over.
Dependence on external conditions is too shaky to build its life on its basis. Maybe it’s time to learn to evaluate and appreciate yourself independently, without resorting to the help of others and the attributes of a successful life? If you have long been harassed by failure in your personal life, if you have suffered a lot, the road to a positive result will not be easy, but it will necessarily lead you to success and inner harmony.
What you need to do to achieve a healthy self-esteem?
1. In search of merit. Absolutely every person, regardless of gender, appearance and type of activity, has something that I would like to change. Someone has a small chest, someone is constantly chewing on their nails, and someone does not know how to cook. And if you can somehow cope with the above troubles, then, for example, you can not do anything with too much growth. So maybe, than to stoop, it is better to accept yourself this and make accents on your own merits?
2. Take for granted. As courteous and courteous with others you were not, you absolutely can not like everyone. People with low self-esteem attach too much importance to the opinions of others. There is no point in worrying about the fact that the blond from the next office ignores you. After all, you also once did not pay attention to the courtship of your childhood friend. All people are different, and just like you, they have different attitudes towards different people. Concentrate on those who are close to you and who you like, communicate with them and build personal relationships with them.
You have no idea how low I am about myself and to what extent this opinion is undeservedly. (William Gilbert, playwright)
3. Deserved praise. You always reproach yourself if something does not work out. And how about successful projects? “A coincidence, an accident? ”Praise and rejoice in yourself for a successful job or overcoming your own weaknesses. Have you been complimented? Do not blush and do not answer – accept it with gratitude, realize it, feel it, enjoy it. You deserve praise and admiration. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile – you really are looking wonderful today.
4. Concentrate on the positive. Often we suffer from the fact that we scroll through our head failures and mistakes, and again and again sorting them into bones. Try to write a report. About marriage, speaking at a meeting or something else where you seem to have failed. Just describe the good moments – they certainly were, just slipped away from you. You already remember bad ones and can not even throw it out of your head, and the positive is often forgotten. If you had a hard day or something turned out differently than you wanted, write about what was positive in that unpleasant episode. And it does not matter what happened more – it is important that this is just a step forward, and if this situation did not exist, you would not be able to draw the right conclusions.
The greatness of a person is measured not by the degree of his self-confidence, but by the number of people who believe in him. (Thomas Woodrow Wilson, 28th US President)
5. Why do I need enemies when there are such friends? Look around you. If you look closely, you can find girlfriends and friends who wish you well, but do not give anything except whining and bad advice. Communicate with people who support you and your beginnings, and do not keep you in the back rows next to you.
6. Do not postpone! Periodically do what has long been postponed. Pay bills, put things in order in the closet, take things to the dry cleaning. Any such trifle raises the mood and fills with pride – after all you can, if you want! Hence, everything will turn out also.
If we are not respected, we are cruelly offended. But in the depths of the soul no one truly respects himself. (Mark Twain, writer)
7. Critical moment. Not everyone agrees with what we do. If you are criticized, try to listen to what they want to convey to you. Do not be offended, feel sorry for yourself or about what you did without thinking. It does not make sense anymore. Perhaps a person just got up on the wrong foot today. Or maybe he wants to help you. Listen, without interrupting or excusing yourself, what you are told. Ask for clarification if something is unclear. If you were wrong, you should admit your guilt and apologize, but if you are criticized unfairly, do not let yourself be insulted and allow yourself to disagree.
8. Develop talents. Everyone has the ability. Do you like to work? Do not throw knitting or beads in the far corner. Is the yoga instructor praising you? Excellent! Maybe soon you will take his place. Draw, grow flowers from seeds or make repairs. Constant forward movement helps to believe in yourself.
In a sense, every person is what he thinks about himself. (Francis Herbert Bradley, philosopher)
9. Materiality of thought. Stop blaming yourself. Usually, what we are waiting for and what we are afraid of is usually coming to us. Phrases “forever, I have everything not like people,” “what a fool I am! ” And “I will never get anything” send to the dump. True happiness you will feel only when you believe that you will have it. Believe that the right people, opportunities and circumstances will necessarily meet on your way. An optimistic view of the future eliminates nervousness and self-doubt. And if we add specific actions to this, then success is guaranteed.
10. Stop the race. At school you were regularly set as an example of a good neighbor, and now you constantly compare yourself with others and find that you earn less than Dasha, not as beautiful as Masha, and not as charming as Sasha. There will always be people who will be better in something than you. It is not necessary to chase after others’ successes, trying to imitate and strained to nurture them. It’s better to dig and find your own. Yes, you do not earn so much, but you have a wonderful man. Yes, you have an unmodeled figure, but you naturally have a wonderful skin.
In an effort to increase self-esteem, do not forget to set daily, simple goals and make efforts to achieve them. Then you will definitely succeed!