True rudeness has nothing to do either with constructive criticism, or with a rude, but non-malicious manner of communicating. Rudeness attacks our vulnerable sides, which are usually protected by good-order rules.
Age, appearance, marital status, nationality – the ham has his own opinion on this matter, and he will try to convey it in the most offensive manner. Spoiled by a powerful charge of anger to the whole world, rudeness drenches our self-esteem and faith in humanity. Ham, as a matter of fact, steals from us the whole day of life, which we will carry out after an unpleasant skirmish with a spoiled mood. So, you need to learn to resist.
The term “rudeness” is not so easily identifiable. But this concept was found even in the lexicon of Ellochka, which consists of thirty words. But let’s try to turn to more solid works. It is clear that “rudeness” is behavior inherent in a boor. As for the word “boor”, the dictionaries of Dahl and Ushakov tied him to the lower classes, which for today does not sound very relevant, and the dictionary of Ozhegov was laconically defined as a “rude, impudent man. ”
Those who find this definition too broad, get to Sergei Dovlatov’s essay on the difficulties of translating the word “rudeness”. Dovlatov, among other things, says that Nabokov has never been able to find an adequate analogue of the word “rudeness” for English-speaking students.
“… I thought for a long time about all this and unlike Nabokov formulated what is rudeness, namely: rudeness is nothing but rudeness, impudence, insolence, combined, but multiplied by impunity. ”
Sergey Dovlatov
The essay on rudeness ends with an optimistic conclusion that with the move to New York, Dovlatov lost the opportunity to investigate this malicious little creature. Indeed, rudeness is traditionally associated with the “Soviet service”, and the most brilliant results in this matter are shown by the old-school saleswomen, who were miraculously preserved in some stores. But in fact, rudeness continues to live safely wherever there are necessary conditions for it – impunity and anonymity. It is no accident that the last resort of the boor nowadays is forums and blogs on the Internet: you can say anything, and – except for a ban in extreme cases – nothing will happen. Several separate volumes can be written about the notorious rudeness of drivers on the roads.
“How to react to rudeness? It is desirable to be honest. If you are touched by a boor, the worst strategy is to convince yourself that you do not care and you are “above it. ”If this were the case, you would not have noticed the boor, “explains the director of the” Trans “psychotherapy center Oleg Hristo.
The first thing you need is to calm down. You can take a few deep breaths and exhalations, you can strain and relax all muscles several times. Such training will help to get out of the situation with dignity, but this is just an “ambulance”. “When a person gets an insult, adrenaline begins to develop in his body. It is a hormone of flight or attack, – explains Oleg Hristo. – As a result, a person generates a large amount of energy for physical activity (flight, fight, abuse, screaming, etc. ). However, social norms most often prohibit a person such behavior. But the energy has already been worked out, and she is looking for a way out. Outside can not be released, so the only way out is to direct aggression inside of yourself. ”As a result, the aggression pushed inside is slowly eating ourselves. You can splash it, for example, during active sports.
If you have coped with confusion and excitement, then you can decide what to do next: keep silent or speak out? The most common and from childhood adopted recommendation – to ignore boorish attacks and in any case not to answer them. On the one hand, this advice is correct, because to watch the confusion of the victim or to drag the interlocutor into a squabble and to be discordant is the exact thing that the attacker is counting on.
On the other hand, sometimes it’s hard to silence yourself and not try to put the boor back. Especially if the victim of rudeness was not you yourself. It is easy to ignore the hiss following the moral foundations and shameless outfits of modern youth. But it’s easy to watch how an employee, for example, a bank humiliates a touching old lady for being too slow to delve into the essence of the matter, is much more difficult. If you know that then you will scold and punish yourself for silence and indifference – act!
Most of all, lucky, of course, those who have a sharp tongue and a quick mind capable of giving out in response to rudeness a clear, caustic, but not exceeding the limits of good-sounding remark. Do you remember how Amelie reasoned that it would be good in every basement window sat a prompter who whispered to shy people witty and timely remarks?
In any case, your speech, even if it is not included in the collections of aphorisms, should be calm and not going beyond the bounds of decency. Otherwise, in the arisen svar from the side it will be already unclear who is a boor and who is a righteous fighter against evil.
“Fighting with evil or stepping back from it is your decision. In any military conflict, the offensive and retreat are equivalent devices, and success will depend on your art to apply and combine them, – comments Oleg Hristo. “A fool is one who believes that one must always attack. ”Kutuzov, for example, defeated Napoleon thanks to the time-honored retreat. However, and constantly retreat – the fastest way to lose and to low self-esteem. ”
Self-evaluation, by the way, is generally a key word when we are discussing the problem of rudeness.
“What you call rudeness, in fact, is called aggression. And who behaves aggressively? People who are themselves ill. People with an inferiority complex. People who are afraid and act on the principle of “Beat the first! ”,- explains Evgeni Alexandrov, director of the Center for Psychological Assistance “Amalthea”. In order not to serve as a boxing pear on which losers take their offense to the world, one must become one of those lucky ones who are not involved in the situation emotionally, perceiving the spluttering saliva of a boor as an unattractive, but small and insignificant detail of the city landscape.
Either they relate to the situation with humor – the comedy and absurdity of the inadequate reaction of the boor cause them only a distracted smile. The way to this blissful state is to increase one’s own self-esteem. Exercises on breathing, a crib with witty answers (it is unlikely that the grumpy aunt who has attacked us has a sense of humor) – all these are temporary measures. But if you constantly think that you want to humiliate, it shows that it is worth working on yourself.
“People who have some problems themselves,” Yevgeny Aleksandrov explains, “are offended and permanently fall out. – A person who is confident in himself, looking at a boor, will pity him for how life cost him. “
