Copy of Mom
The most common theory says that a man chooses a partner, based on her similarity to his mother. Those who have not been lucky with their mother-in-law, such a theory may seem insulting, but from this it will not cease to exist. According to Oleg Hristo, a consultant psychologist at the Trans center, most often a man pays attention to how much a woman looks like his mother: “This is due to the fact that the image of the wife is associated with care, and the role of the archetype of the mother plays a big role in this image .
A man can fall in love or be guided by some calculation, but in most cases he will strive to ensure that his relations copy the relationship of his parents. “
It is possible and the opposite effect – if the relationship in the parent family was conflict, then to protect themselves, a man can choose the exact opposite of the mother. Or a woman who will correct mistakes of his mother and satisfy those needs, which for some reason she did not satisfy. “For example, a mother was brought up by a mother alone, and she was very busy, she could not pay attention to a child at that age when he needed it. Now he will look for this attention in the women with whom he meets, “- says psychologist of the center” Nika “Tatiana Teper. It is not at all necessary that a man seeks to play the role of a son in a relationship, but that woman who gives warmth and care will clearly have an advantage among others.
The fact that there are more women, if the life of men is easier, is not much. On the one hand, they are not able to win any favorite young lady and are forced to be satisfied with the principle “use what is at hand.” On the other hand, they (just like women) are trying to squeeze the next passion into the close framework of the invented ideals. And after they are disappointed, faced with the fact that the passion in this framework does not fit at all desire.
“The choice of a single man is very small. This double sieve leaves not so many partners. The reality is that a serious relationship for a man of about 30 years is 1-2 connections. And that’s it. ” According to this concept, the myth about the fact that men are conquerors is nothing more than a myth – initiator and builder of relations is a woman.
And marry others
“How did it happen?” – horrified by Sveta’s friends, whose heartfelt friend suddenly forgot about plans for a joint future and hastily married an ordinary-looking, unfamiliar girl. Sveta herself does not understand the reason for such drastic changes. Psychologists do not see anything unusual in the division of women into those with whom you can have a good time, and those with whom you can build a family. Having sex does not mean either the seriousness of the intentions or their absence. “A man who is not bound by a serious relationship, sleeps with everyone who agrees and is not against him,” Arina Podchasova believes. – And usually he marries someone who likes him in sex, socially suits him (with whom it is not a shame to appear in public) and who needs it the way it is – with all its shortcomings and advantages. ” According to Tatyana Teper, only 20% of people meet and soon marry,
“This is an ordinary psychology. Every person has a child, when a man just meets a woman, is in love with her – this is a kindergarten, they play like two children, – says psychologist consultant of the “Trans” center Oleg Hristo. – I think that in the future when creating a family, people will focus more on family planning. To recognize a person, not just that he fit the image in his head. ”
If you believe folk folklore, a man has two organs of love – his eyes and stomach. Thus, the pleasant appearance and the ability to cook increase the chances of getting married. However, very beautiful girls, and innate cooks say that these features do not really help them. “A very beautiful girl, especially who realizes her beauty, often frightens a man and demands conformity.
If a man thinks that he will not be able to match, he will be afraid that he will be ill, hurt, and from this he will feel humiliated, “- explains the reasons for men’s fears Tatiana Teper.
In the opinion of specialists, it is more likely to marry strong middle peasants than from written beauties – all the excess men are frightened, even if this excess is very beautiful.
Another thing – sexual harmony, it does not happen much. All interviewed experts said that this is very important for a future family. “If there is no sexual harmony between people, then just a suitable partner has not been found, one must either look for another, or learn to approach each other,” Oleg Hristo is sure. At the same time, psychologists admit that sexual relations are a clear indicator of what is happening outside the bedroom, so sexual disharmony, with the exception of rare cases, happens when there are problems in other areas.
As to how much a woman can cope with the household, it was not possible to find a unified opinion. According to Oleg Hristo, the idea of a woman as a mistress of the house is still very strong, but about a man as a getter. Therefore, the availability of domestic skills for men is very important. At the same time, their absence is easily compensated by home appliances and specially trained people (housekeepers, nannies), in the absence of them the question becomes more urgent:
“The lower the social status and the material situation of the groom, the more women appreciate the quality of the servant”
Arina Podchasova is sure. “For modern men it’s not very important how a woman cooks soup, you can eat it in a restaurant if you really want it,” says Tatyana Teper. – The question is, what is the family for, but certainly not for eating soup. Now many husbands take on household issues and manage it very well. ”
If you are still puzzled why you did not make an offer, ask a man a couple of questions and put the results in the Australian formula: X = (N – P) x 0.369 + P. X – the age at which a man is willing to make an offer, N is his marginal age for marriage, and P – the age when he first began to think about creating a family.