A woman should, is simply obliged to exude sexuality: images of posters and blue screens are telling us tirelessly. The culture of consumption has learned to play on female weaknesses with feminine delights.
If the girl does not use her “main weapon”, she automatically puts a secret stigma of frigidity. What really is this diagnosis, the correspondent of SE found out from the psychologist-psychotherapist of the clinic “Insight” Igor Vyacheslavovich Lyakh.
So, what is frigidity?
Frigid, sexually cold, called women who do not just do not experience orgasm, but do not experience sexual attraction as such. Absolute frigidity is an analog of asexuality – it is very rare, and cause her serious mental illness and developmental abnormalities. Much more common is secondary frigidity, although their external manifestations are similar: the woman does not experience her own sexual attraction, is not excited in response to the partner’s affection. In everyday life, there is often a substitution of concepts: frigidity is called a woman who does not show initiative and does not seek sexual partners, does not show her sexuality actively. Frigidity often sounds like an insulting sentence.
What causes failures in sexual behavior?
Sexual attraction is genetically inherent in the depths of the nervous system, in many ways it is reflexive. But communication is always through the psyche: only it can give a signal about the manifestation or suppression of sexuality. Secondary frigidity is often associated with the characteristics of education and inadequate sexual experience. Our psyche is able to sublimate the energy of sexual attraction in other areas so strongly that the desire and desire in its pure form can practically disappear.
It is known that a woman is capable of merging so emotionally with her partner emotionally that if she says “I did not want sex,” that means she wanted a specific person. This is a fairly common feature of the female psyche: “I have only one partner, I do not feel any attraction to others.” More often such violations are exposed to girls of asthenic constitution, with a weak type of nervous system.
How harmful is the rejection of sexual activity for women’s health?
A very common opinion of gynecologists: if there are problems in the female sphere, it is urgent to look for a permanent partner. But sometimes it’s like putting the cart in front of the horse, because the root cause of the decline in sexuality is much deeper. Lack of sexual desire can be associated with infantilism: a woman does not seem to have acquired the domestic right to be a woman and still remains a girl in her heart. Her sexuality is not revealed. In this case, without eliminating the cause, one can not speak of a change in sexuality by the “wedge-wedge” method. At the same time, a low level of sexual activity can be an individual norm for an individual woman. And if she realizes it, then you can not talk about any frigidity.
Often a woman who has problems achieving orgasm is also called frigid …
It is necessary to distinguish between frigidity and anorgasmia. Anorgasmia is a special condition that can arise as a result of mental and organic diseases (problems with arterial pressure, for example), but in most cases it develops as a psychological complex, when in the presence of excitement a woman experiences discharge problems. She can not experience an orgasm or, which is more common, does not know how. The absence or disappearance of orgasm often occurs in direct connection with inexperience, fear of negative evaluation by a partner, seasoned with shame and fear of experiments. It happens that this is superimposed on the sacrificial position in the relationship: “I do this not for myself, but for him.”
Many women complain that masturbation experiences much stronger feelings than in bed with a loved one, and therefore have to pretend …
In normal sexual intercourse, regardless of position, it is almost impossible to achieve the same effect on the clitoris as in masturbation. A certain habit, an orgastic stereotype, is very important here. Accustomed to experiencing orgasm in one way (more often this clitoral orgasm, it is easier to achieve), a girl can limit her ability to experience orgasm in other ways. With careful consideration of partners to each other, it is possible to combine different methods of stimulation: gradually the erogenous zones will expand.
How does sexual calm affect your life together?
Couples are selected not by chance. A woman with a low level of sexual desire initially chooses a partner who will accept it. Such unions are created and function perfectly normally, sometimes at the expense of social compensation of a neurosis. The problem arises when the situation is decompensated. For example, a woman discovers that her husband is cheating on her, arguing that next to a passionate lover he has his own sexual activity. Then the woman realizes the problem and turns to a specialist.
Sometimes the absence of orgasm is a psychological manipulation, in which a woman takes a hidden prostitution position: “Sex is what you need”, avenging all hidden insults and receiving hidden benefits. Such a position hardly improves relations. In a large city, a modern woman is often afraid of losing control of her life, and the subconscious fear “I do not want to belong to him” interferes with harmony in bed and contributes to the development of neuroses.
What should a woman do that decides to harmonize her sexual life?
To begin with it is worth to visit a gynecologist and exclude the genetic and physiological causes of disharmony.
If the primary anorgasmia and frigidity are treated according to the main diagnosis by the appropriate specialists, then in the secondary, psychological and psychotherapeutic methods are the main treatment. It was the psyche that reacted to some individual factors by rejecting sexuality. However, the most important is still the interaction with the partner. Given a good relationship and with a mutual attraction, everyone can experiment. It’s important not to limit yourself, any stereotypicality in sex harms sex