“The best mistress is a married lady,” one of the NGS forum participants categorically declares. He explains his reasoning quite simply: “Because there is no responsibility, commitment and contagion!”.
It is worth noting that the same thoughts about married men from women can be heard extremely rarely. Forums are torn from heated debates on morals and immorality, guilty wives and innocent children and the main question: will he leave or not leave, lie or love?
Why do women connect with married men and what is the result of such a relationship, the correspondent of SE tried to find out.
Men start a mistress to diversify their lives and gain a second youth
Who needs it?
The story is old as the world – the theme of love relationships with married men raised in a huge number of books, songs and films. And everyone knows that this, as a rule, is futile and not very honest. But thousands of women still tell their stories, which so often resemble each other and so rarely have a happy ending. The desire to experience the unearthly feeling, which is spoken with aspirations and for which the mountains are turning, is much stronger than the fear of a sad end and mother’s warnings.
Women put aside a shabby love affair and try to make a fairy tale come true. Of course, a fairy-tale character must be a special person, therefore, the requirements for him are appropriate. “There are more married men,” says psychologist Nikita Lozin, director of the Harmony Center, “I mean those men, which suit women. If a person is not married, he may have problems – material, physical, mental.
A person who is happy, as a rule, marries. ” Igor Poperechny, director of the Center for Medical Sexology and Psychotherapy, agrees with him: “Usually this is already a man, not a boy who does not understand much yet. With him, you can already communicate normally and build an equivalent relationship. ”
In search of happiness
According to Igor Poperechny, those women who (consciously or not) do not want this relationship to turn into more serious ones fall into the category of mistress. Most often these are married women who are not satisfied with the existing family relationships, but for some reason they can not break them. And then they find an outlet for feelings, sex or some kind of attention signs, which they are constantly not needed. “It is not necessary that a woman strives for this,” emphasizes Nikita Lezin, “she is simply predisposed, and there will come a time when there is a suitable man and the situation will develop.”
Unmarried girls, according to Igor Poperechny, start romances with married women, because they are happy with their life and they do not want to radically change it: “This is a reluctance to create a serious relationship – for example, a person loves loneliness, wants to devote more time to himself or does not want to wash a man socks.
There are, of course, people who want to discourage a man, put a tick, win, but such few are enough. ” Some experts are sure that any statements of an unmarried lady that she is satisfied with meetings on Fridays and telephone conversations to six are cunning. “In the depths of the soul, any woman wants to marry, because it gives her the stability of the psyche, emotional and material stability. And most importantly – it’s laid in society that a woman should have a husband, a family. Therefore, even if she does not show her mind and says that she does not really want to, inside she still has this feeling, “- exposes the women Nikita Lezin.
Men are like children.
Despite the apparent gap between a strong and a weak sex, men want the same thing as women – warmth, understanding, love, full-fledged sexual life (unless the order may be different). Not finding in marriage what they need, they are looking for and very often find it on the side. “Men can not have a relationship in marriage that would satisfy all needs. But men have a certain desire to diversify their lives, – says Nikita Lezin. – And if a man is aged, then, as a rule, he chooses a mistress younger, and this gives him a second youth and confirmation that he is still capable of something. A man in general is emotionally easier to have more than one woman by nature. Unlike a woman, he experiences less. ”
“To be honest, we men are underdeveloped psychologically,” Igor Poperechnyi makes a surprising recognition, “is a child’s condition when I want to draw as much as possible to myself and thus emphasize my steepness.” According to him, it is extremely difficult for men to build long-term relationships in such a way as to participate actively in their construction all the time. Only a few can do this. Nevertheless, it is not everyone’s power to interrupt even what is not very comfortable and what is not very much involved.
Therefore, psychologists urge women not to be particularly flattered if a married man promises to leave the family and asks “to wait half an hour.”
“You can promise anything, anything. And it’s silly when women believe, especially after many years. It is necessary to have a special talent – constantly to change something in your life, to live in a stable instability,
– marks Igor Poperechny. “In the overwhelming majority of men seek comfort – and suddenly this comfort is broken.” For this reason, we know a huge number of stories, when a man tortures his wife, mistress, suffers himself, but can not decide and abandon the usual way of life.
Visiting a fairy tale
The desire of women to believe in fairy tales is ineradicable – many deep down hope that the candy-buketny period will last until the golden wedding, that the birth of a child can keep her husband from leaving the family, and after the married lover finally divorces, all problems will end and happiness will come. Nevertheless, it is not at all necessary that everything will be so radiant. “A smart woman will create such conditions that a married lover will make a choice in her favor. But then, if success is achieved, it will reduce this bar because it is rather difficult to keep, “says Nikita Lozin. In this case, a man may come disappointed, and he may even return to the previous family.
“I had a case where a man was married and had a mistress,” says Igor Poperechny. – Seven years they met, and at one point he still decided to leave the family to his girlfriend. Four months later he fled from her headlong back to his wife. And they did not communicate more.
Love relationships and marital relations are heaven and earth. ” According to psychologists, there is still a chance to build a harmonious relationship in this situation, but this will happen if a man completely reconsiders his life, changes the stereotypes of his behavior and becomes a completely different person psychologically ready for such changes. “Wisdom is not leaving everything as it was,” says Igor Poperechny. “Wisdom is the ability to be adequate, adapt and benefit from any situation that you fall into.”