The state of alcoholic intoxication in Russia is usually lovingly called “vypimshi.” And the gradations of this “vypimshi” are huge: from “came after midnight – drove his wife around the house” to “met a childhood friend – I do not remember anything further”.
But even if the memories of men are fresh and do not cause feelings of shame, their fighting friends sound alarm when they see a bottle of beer.
What signs say that a man with a drink is bound by too close a friendship, and how to behave in this situation, the SHE correspondent learned.
In the evenings, pubs, bars and other places of entertainment are filled by tired men. All day they worked hard and deserved the right to rest by drinking a couple of mugs of beer. More economical comrades in misfortune trample at beer stalls – they also want to relax, having drunk the life-giving moisture. It’s hard to beat off alcohol and alcohol accusations when you drink two or three days in a row.
It is much easier to defend their right to rest, taking on the chest in doses, “in medical doses.” However, the companions of the resting men (if they do not sit at the same table with the same beer) are worried for good reason.
“Due to the growing popularity of beer in our country, the share of alpha alcoholism has recently risen. “I’m not an alcoholic, I just have time, I have money, why not drink it?” – I often hear this, “says Pavel Staroschuk, a psychotherapist at the Insight Clinic.
With alpha alcoholism you will not see a white fever and a full cut-off, but at the same time “for appetite” every day requires a small dose of alcohol (usually not strong). Thus, a person removes stress, gets rid of pain (mental or physical), while controlling the amount drunk. Than it is dangerous? “In general, in medicine it is believed that if a person drinks alcohol once a week, he does not have time to get out of the body before the next intake, and with the years it can lead to alcohol dependence,” continues Pavel Staroschuk. In addition, over time, to cheer up, you may need more than one glass of wine – and four or five, that is, the amount of drunk will gradually increase.
The signs of an impending catastrophe look like this. First, a person begins to lie about alcohol – not only to himself, but to others. Secondly, he is looking for a formal excuse to have a drink. “This is part of our culture, alcohol often arises on the tables, alcoholic drinks are given for the holidays, thank for the services rendered,” notes psychologist Nina Kulinych. “If for a man alcohol becomes a universal means, replacing any emotions – be it sadness or joy, you can talk about dependence.”
Beer instead of roll
In general, the key word here is “dependence”, and the fact that it is alcoholic – a matter of chance, could easily be food. According to Pavel Staroschuk, the propensity for dependencies of any kind goes back to the early past of man. A serious prerequisite for its occurrence is the violation in childhood of several areas of the psyche: self-esteem, the sphere of relationships, the ability to control one’s emotions and the ability to take care of oneself. Any trauma received at a tender age will come out of the adult uncle. “The roots will always be the same,” stresses the doctor, “psychotrauma, received in childhood. And then all our lives we will treat ourselves – someone rolls will come in the evening, someone will drink beer. ”
According to experts, the role of women in men’s alcoholism reaches 50%. And not because a rejected man mourns his failed love and drowns sadness in a beer glass. But because a woman’s reaction to completely innocuous behavior can bring a man to the handle.
With a special approach (“do not drink”, “watch your hands during the feast”, “get drunk again”), you can form an alcohol dependence in 5-7 years, even in a person who does not have a predisposition to it.
This pathological behavior is called co-dependent, it is often observed in women who have seen enough of their drinking fathers. The co-dependent woman, according to Staroshchuk, can be very strict moral rules, unlike her husband, who is looking for an excuse to slip away and hooligan – to drink: “They supplement each other, it lacks the correctness, it has an instinctive drive on the contrary. She lives his problems, comes to us and says: ” We drink once every two weeks,” she answers the questions asked him, is fully included in the range of problems, but this does not really help, but rather hurts. ” Typically, a co-dependent woman complains, but continues to live with a male alcoholic. Pairs, where the partner did not have such a program of behavior, according to experts, usually break up.
How to react?
Before you roll up a standard scandal, or put your husband in a new bedroom in a different room, strain your memory. You certainly already did the last time and the year before last. “Do not react several times in the same way and try to take the man under his control,” said Nina Kulinych. – It is worth explaining that his behavior causes negative feelings, and to return him responsibility for his actions. Stop for him to make decisions, let him take responsibility for himself. ”
If you feel the blood boil when you see a believer with a bottle of beer, but such episodes are quite rare, it is worth understanding why it boils. Maybe it’s because of memories from a difficult childhood, or it’s not alcohol in general. According to Pavel Staroschuk
Drinking alcohol once a week or two, not reaching fanaticism, may not lead to the development of dependence, provided that the man does not have a pathological behavioral program (dad did not drink).
In any case, it’s better not to pull the man out again, psychologists advise, it can give the opposite effect. Instead of playing a strict mommy, try to think out what (except for alcohol) you can cheer him up. “A woman proposes to abandon the way of relaxation, and in return offers nothing. A man needs an alternative – he will face traumatic situations, but he does not know how to get out of them. And it is not known what all this will result in – it happens that alcoholics become drug addicts, “- warns Nina Kulinych.
In a critical situation, it is best to apply the Baba Yaga method: feed (the item “drink” can be deleted) and go to sleep. And in the morning to report on their attitude to what is happening. “A complete refusal to save him, at the same time, maximum compassion and love,” advises Dr. Staroshchuk. – There is still such a good question: “Do you think you do not have alcoholism?”. If a man is sure that he does not suffer from such an ailment, it can be suggested to put an experiment and give up alcohol for six months – for a person without dependence this is a spit, if there is a problem, he is unlikely to survive.