“Do you know who I met today?” – a girlfriend breathed heavily into the phone, as if she had collided at the entrance of her Khrushchev with a hairy yeti. As it turned out, it was not yeti, but a former husband, an incorrigible loser and lazy.
While Lena tried to rejoice in getting rid of gigolo, the ugly duckling turned into a beautiful swan – with work, a car and a new wife. “But only five years have passed since the divorce! Lena did not stop. “Did he get the inheritance?”
In fact, how the appearance of a woman influences the thickness of the wallet, men guess. Usually in such cases, the purse sharply grows thin. But some are lucky – and the woman becomes a muse that inspires feats: the man resolutely rises from the couch and changes not only his worn sweater, but also work. Lena never looked like a muse, rather at the chainsaw “Friendship.”
“He’s like a recumbent policeman,” she resented, “and he does not get up himself, and he’s getting in the way.” In the end, spitting on her husband’s endless “job search”, she stepped over her “lying policeman”, found the work herself and, like many Russian women, dragged everything on herself. Conflicts broke out with renewed vigor, the situation was further aggravated, and soon they divorced.
Who is behind you?
There is an opinion according to which for any genius man (and get up from the couch and drag home a mammoth is a talent, no doubt) is a woman. In the opinion of the psychologist Natalya Pakina, this is not an exaggeration, but one should not overestimate herself, because the most influential woman in the life of any man is her mother:
“Let the men not take offense, but nature specifically for women intended the role of their physical and moral birth. A mother can both encourage and hinder the appearance of a boy’s confidence in his own strength, importance, feelings, “I-can.” If in childhood the son hears endless lamentations on the theme “Why did I only contact your father” and “All the men are helpless panties”, he can listen to them and doubt their own manliness.
“He can look like an adult male, but in severe trials his weakness, infantilism, cowardice will be revealed,” continues Natalia Pakina. “All in accordance with the statements of the mother.”
Change the mother’s installation can be unless at a reception with a specialist – it’s long, not cheap and not always effective. Trying to break and fashion anew a man is better not to try – it will not lead to anything good. According to the therapist Maxim Zagoruiko, the career of a man depends on four factors – his character, his abilities, his desire to pursue careers and efforts in this direction: “It is natural that women can not change the character of a man, his ability. She can not also build within him the desire to make a career. In her power to promote the creation of family conditions in which the already existing desire of a man to make a career will become more active, his efforts connected with this will also increase. ”
Meeting with a beloved woman, a man, according to Natalia Pakina, is experiencing a second birth – social and spiritual: “The importance of women’s participation in their lives is confirmed by many famous politicians, artists, scientists. For someone, a woman needs to be in the role of a creative muse, someone she supports while climbing the career ladder. The woman provides the “rear” for the man – keeps the comfort in the house, brings up his offspring, worthy of inheriting the father’s experience, rejoices at his successes and comforts in difficult times. It awakens and sustains heroic impulses in it, draws it to a full and meaningful life. ”
Work on bugs
Imagining himself as an almighty muse, it is easy to fall into an extreme and take full responsibility for a man’s career. Write it down to the courses of oratory, send out a resume and convincingly whisper: “This work is no good, darling. Tomorrow, quit! You deserve more. ”
“This is the complex of the divine omnipotence of the wife. It is understood that her husband does not have his own will, he is a puppet in the hands of his wife, “Maxim Zagoruiko explains. “As a result, the wife assumes responsibility for what does not depend on her, does not cope, she gradually grows a feeling of discontent with herself and despair.”
The husband, in turn, becomes more and more irresponsible, since the one who wants to take responsibility for it has already been found.
The opposite error is a clear statement that with the husband is not lucky, he is sluggish, bad, lazy, does not make a career, although he should. “This does not take into account the needs of men, the wife believes that he must have other needs. As a result, the wife is growing dissatisfied with her husband, she is inclined to blame and punish him, and her husband is growing in response to discontent – he can start fighting with his wife, revenge her, “- describes the other extreme Maxim Zagoruiko.
On the Internet, you can find a lot of recommendations on the topic of “How to make a husband a millionaire”, though they resemble tips for teaching the child to pot (“He tried to achieve something? Praise him! Praise right away!” Praise should be only if the man showed independence “). Maxim Zagoruiko recommends to part with the illusion that any dull loser, with the right approach, will turn into a polished businessman:
“I once again would like to emphasize that a woman is not God, she can not make a man successful. It can create conditions that will contribute to the success of her men. “
However, before starting to inspire a man for heroic deeds, the therapist recommends to decide for himself whether you need an active careerist, are you ready to spend most of your time alone, carry out all your household chores and raise children, perhaps, to give up your own career. “If such a man you need, then it’s worth it to look for it: either with a ready career, or with the appropriate prospects – young, ambitious, capable, business, emotionally, competitive, etc.”, Maxim Zagoruiko sums up. It’s silly to be embarrassed by your desires and needs, because someone thinks this is indecent. It’s even more stupid to hide your expectations from a partner – experts repeat tirelessly: discuss all your needs on the shore and embark on a joint voyage only if they coincide.
If you are lucky to find a hero, it is worth supporting his heroic impulses. To do this will help traditional female qualities – softness, kindness, sensitivity. “It is proved that women are more capable of empathy – a self-effacing experience of the feelings of another. For this reason, men often find a friend among women. It is easier for him to reveal himself to a woman than for another man – she will look at the situation differently, there will be no hidden competition in the relationship, “notes Natalya Pakina. – A woman capable of embodying many roles – a friend, mistress, mother, muse, teacher, counselor – is the dream of every man. And it is quite real. The most successful men live with such women. “