For the field experiments, two dating sites were chosen. In the beginning – mamba.ru, and later, when the wave of activity on “Mamba” came to naught, – dating.ru. The resource love.ngs.ru excluded for the sake of objectivity. The SHE correspondent’s questionnaire looked like this: the name (not the “Bunny” or “Sunny”, but the usual, though not real name) portrait of pretty good quality (not a photo in a swimsuit or in a conscript pose against a carpet but only a face). Experienced visitors to dating sites advised not only to fill in the required fields of the questionnaire and write something from yourself that will show that you are a living person.
Even the banal “I love ice cream and read Kafka on the beach” is still better than the faceless “I’m looking for a guy for a serious relationship.”
For 20 days of stay on mamba.ru 80 people entered our fictional character in correspondence. Another 90 put the highest mark for a photo that on dating sites, in fact, is an invitation to communicate. For 10 days on dating.ru there were 42 contacts. After touching the catch, the SHE correspondent selected the most common types of online boyfriends and discussed them with male-female consultant Alexander Pesterev in order to understand the prospects of such an acquaintance.
Type “Divorce on the bed”
Questionnaire. The big group is just the quarrels with their halves of guys who are feverishly registered on the site to quickly get a portion of interest from the opposite sex.
Correspondence.Three days are actively rewritten, they may even decide to meet someone, but quickly hide in bushes, wary not to call them anymore. Experienced users say that up to a third of questionnaires are just such “one-day” ones.
Opinion of the psychologist. “Such people, being still in some ways and not being professionals of interpersonal games, can not play on two fronts,” Alexander believes. “They simply do not have time: and there one must feel and suffer, and something new is proposed here.”
Perspective. You can become such a person a good friend, support him with a good conversation. Perhaps, of course, that it will be your destiny, but then you, most likely, will write a book.
Questionnaire.Immediately reports that “the first does not write”, is found only with certain girls and does not make exceptions. Exposes many conditions, emphasizes its uniqueness. In interests prescribes “one-time sex and no romance.”
Correspondence. Nevertheless, he writes first, often stating that you are special, and not like “all these stupid, ready for all kids”. Further it turns out that he either met with many and all were ready to go to bed at once (usually this is a lie), or he honestly says that he did not meet with anyone, because “there is no worthy”.
Opinion of the psychologist. It is a collector, a narcissist, who collects admiration, and all the information in the questionnaire can be false.
Perspective. If such a person is interested for some reason, you need to try to replay it – but not coldness and inaccessibility, and assertiveness – only of a different kind. If everyone writes to him that they are ready to respond to his offer of one-on-one sex for money and gifts, offer to pay him. Such a reaction will at least surprise and make him act not in a pattern. However, to build far-reaching plans Pesterev still does not advise: “A person is dominated by boredom and fear of obligations.”
Type “Bored Intriguer”
. Minimally filled. Sometimes even without a photo.
Correspondence. Honestly admits that I want “some kind of intrigue,” but I’m not sure what exactly he wants; says metaphors.
“I want to try to play new games, try new candies” – instead of the direct text that sex with a constant partner has become boring.
Opinion of the psychologist. He is a man at the crossroads, a bored man: he has everything and everything is palled. With metaphors, he hides his true feelings from himself.
Perspective. He invites the game, asks him to intrigue, but with such an approach he is not surprised. “You can write to him: but what a fucking intrigue! I’ve known you for a long time, “Alexander advises, it’s just going beyond the given game and creating that intrigue, forcing him to react vividly.
Questionnaire.Funny (or seemingly the most amusing) picture, a sophisticated nickname (in the spirit of “Ibrahim the Magnificent”). The place of work is indicated “the point of reception of bottles”, the experience of relations is “a virgin”.
Correspondence. Jokes-jokes of different kinds without transition to active actions.
Opinion of the psychologist. “This is a dreamer. The real relationship in his life, maybe, was not at all. They are in his fantasies, but not as a specific goal. He is an actor by nature. ”
Perspective.More often such people on sites sit not for meetings, and for satisfaction of own vanity – it would be desirable to receive reaction to the flashing humor. To hook such a person can be, only ruffled it with a multi-storey joke. However, there is a possibility that if you become closer acquainted with all this humor, only humor will stand – all the time the same.
Type “Koshchei the Immortal”
. Photo – in a suit in the workplace, in the car, as a nickname – present (or similar to the present) name. In the column “I want to find” – a description of a young girl with a “pure soul” who needs “only love”.
Correspondence. Panbratsky’s self-confident tone immediately offers to meet, without trying to interest you in a conversation or learn about you any details (focuses only on the photo).
One of the new acquaintances in response to a retort about what is boring with him, wrote: “Here, I would say my position, immediately the motivation would appear.”
Opinion of the psychologist.The miserly “Koschey” is disappointed with the unsuccessful experience, he believes that “everyone is the same”, and wants to find one that will give himself up all, clean and unblemished, without demanding or receiving anything in return. “He very much shares the love and material part of this world,” Alexander Pesterev suggests, “although a man at that age (as a rule, it’s men over 35.-KD) should already understand that a man is also an earner “.
Perspective. Theoretically, you can get a good attitude from him, but you do not have to count on him agreeing to put the world at your feet. To break his conviction that everyone is the same will not be easy.
According to the feelings of the correspondent, there are many guards, drivers, employees of power structures among the applicants.Foreigners are represented by Turks (especially at Mamba).
Pissed off porn spammers. But much more frustrating can bring advertisers: the guy offers to get acquainted, and then, sort of like in between, tells what he does (photographer, masseur, realtor), and suggests, if necessary, to use his services.
One employee of the massage parlor said that more than half of his clients are girls from a dating site. But is it possible to find on the dating site not a masseur, but a half? Psychologists nod: you can, because you can find it anywhere, and this is just another place of acquaintance. “I can not go to all the theaters in one evening. But I can simultaneously register on all sites – the probability is growing. However, the quality of communication falls very badly: paying attention to the masses, you are being sprayed, “- says Alexander Pesterev. Roughly speaking, having met in the theater, you will know the interlocutor much deeper than if the acquaintance occurred on the site. And it’s not in him, but in you – with a large stream of people, you yourself already begin to treat this as a conveyor and you can easily miss a person who could be special for you.