Everything’s under control
People begin to live together usually not for the sake of the cherished seal in the passport and a beautiful piece of paper about the marriage. Usually they are motivated by a banal desire to fall asleep in the evening in an embrace with a loved one, and in the morning happily wake up together. However, some ladies perceive the expression “to be together in sickness and health and die in one day” too literally. As a result, they begin to monitor each step of the betrothed. Household habits, relationships with friends, sleep and rest, and the shape of folded socks – all are censored.
Meanwhile, the need for control in a woman is already a symptom. “On the one hand, such a woman is domineering, and on the other – always disturbing,” says Maxim Zagoruiko, director of the Anti-Stress Center. – A domineering person so displaces his anxiety. He is afraid that if he loses control, something terrible will happen. ” Control, as you know, is easier at arm’s length, because women and require her husband to report on each step, otherwise there is a scandal.
According to psychologists, it is often a problem of self-esteem, coming from childhood: if in childhood parents did not satisfy the child’s need for custody and intimacy, then he will always seek someone who will provide attention and will always be around.
It happens that he finds. According to the psychologist of the perinatal center Tatiana Skritskaya, some couples are formed on the principle of complementarity, and women’s control is for the benefit of: it is convenient for a man that his life is orderly, and for the wife – that she realizes the need for power. But this balance is fragile, and over time problems arise. In addition, in the early stages of relations, it is customary to show their best sides, concede and skip over what is then annoying. Therefore, Tatyana recalls the importance of what is called “getting to know each other”, pointing to the statistics according to which the strongest alliances are not those that came into existence two months after the acquaintance, and others – where there were quarrels and clarification of relations.
A woman who often and slowly grumbles, – a phenomenon no less common. “Sawing” his wife became the heroine of many anecdotes, not because of violent folk fantasy: she has a very specific prototype – a woman in the PMS period. Unfortunately, some women consider their harmfulness to be almost a dignity. A nit-picking and sawing and do find an invention of lazy men, because only a lazy husband does not want to lower the lid of the toilet or wipe his feet on the mat at the entrance. According to psychologists, petty nitpicking is a very good field for big manipulations.
“Through constant fault-finding, a woman causes a hidden feeling of guilt, emotional depression, a man tries to” improve “, and the woman enjoys it. If a man can not recognize the manipulation, it works,
– says Maxim Zagoruiko. This explains, for example, the phenomenon of “smoothing fault” with the help of gifts, among other things, a very beloved version of a huge bouquet from a “rascal”.
The second option, when a woman is always dissatisfied with something and explodes over trifles, is a veiled way to cover up a really big problem. “The mechanism of psychological defense works here – when a person transfers his emotions from an important event to a less significant problem. A woman for some reason can not say that she really worries, and expresses dissatisfaction in another way, often with the help of constant nit-picking on trifles, “Tatiana Skritskaya comments. She also recalls that men are emotionally more simple creatures than women, and they need to express their claims clearly and desirably on points, rather than calling them to attention by roundabout ways-hints.
Best of the best
There are women who are accustomed to shine, stand out from the crowd and attract the attention of all men without exception. They receive compliments, surrounded by attention and enthusiasm. “This is an ideal” – some will exclaim, others will sympathize with her husband. And not in vain. Needless to say, how do men react to this behavior, which by their very nature are owners?
“The desire to constantly attract attention is characteristic of women who are consciously or unconsciously not satisfied with their partner. They, without admitting themselves, perceive current relations as a temporary, intermediate option. They usually have no reason to cause conflict, so they provoke a man into jealousy,
– Tatiana Skritskaya comments. Another reason when a woman causes jealousy of her man is a subconscious desire to point out his insolvency, showing that she is “worthy of more,” which is manipulation and also proves that the family has problems and mutual discontent. Psychologists recommend in this situation, both sides to honestly assess their relationship and not allow a struggle for power. After all, if a man suppresses a woman in a family, then her defiant behavior can say that she protests so – and no more.
The last female habit is to make a scandal out of every little thing. The ladies who were brought up in the spirit of the Mexican TV series are sure that playing on their nerves, making scandals and stormy reconciliation is the right way to keep their man’s attention for years to come. Such women can consider that the surrounding reality is ordinary, people are gray and uninteresting. And they find a partner for themselves – they are difficult together, but separately bored. And they live, permanently suffering. According to psychologists, the love to play on the nerves and emotions brings a lot of dividends – wider range of communication, more attention, brighter being. “But at the peak of emotions the family can not be built,” Tatiana Skritskaya sums up, reminding the truth that the family is not a firework of events, but a joint painstaking work, which, moreover, is often very routine.