Expecting offspring, parents always think about who will be born in nine months. But all relate to the issue of the sex of the child in different ways – someone wants an “heir” or a “little princess”, and can even surprise himself and not recognize the sex of the child until the very childbirth. As evidenced by the desire or unwillingness to have a child of a certain sex and what it can lead to, the psychologist of the Perinatal Center Tatiana Skritskaya told.
More often they really want a boy, because it is a successor of the family, it is a culturally conditioned phenomenon. And it is peculiar, it is, by the way, all – both men and women. But there are always nuances. Depending on who wants more – a boy or a girl, you can tell a lot about the characteristics of a person’s character.
The best option is when the child’s sex is unimportant. Unless, except in cases when the family already has children. Of course, I want a child of a different sex, but the rule works here too: even children of the same sex have different character, they are all different, there are no identical children.
And if the floor is still important?
Let’s start with if the parent does not want a child of some gender. There may be problems with your own parents – when he does not want to be the same parent as his parents were towards him, he does not want to repeat the parent scenario. In this case, a woman will not want a daughter, but a man’s son. If a woman has a child of the wrong sex, and for her it is for some reason important, then after she finds out the sex of the child, it often begins complications of pregnancy. Fortunately, this happens infrequently: most parents are calm to the sex of the child.
From the point of view of existential psychologists, a person thus receives immortality – this is such a positive option to overcome the fear of death, and therefore the desire is quite natural.
What does the strong desire to have a child of a certain sex say?
Always worth finding out individually. For example, if in a family the wife only wants a daughter and no one else, it can talk about her problems with her husband. She does not want a boy, because she projects her negative attitude towards her husband on the child. Often in a situation of extreme interest in the child of his sex, if a boy is born, the relationship between spouses spoil even more, and with a son such a woman will also have a difficult relationship. Accordingly, if a girl is born, she will be brought up underlined “like a mother.”
These mothers with children in the future more problems – a real child trying to fit the standards that are, and the child they may not correspond. And it’s not only the girls concerned, but also the boys – with respect to the popes, they want to realize their “flaws” in the son. And these defects can be fictitious, so through the child the parent realizes his complexes.
There are parents who refuse to recognize the sex of the child on ultrasound. Why?
In fact, this is the right reaction, because during pregnancy it is necessary to survive the waiting period, often the future parents have fantasies about how the child will look like he is at all, this moment is deeply experienced inside the person. In general, the phenomenon is positive. Parents need to get used to the very fact that there will be a child, and then you can recognize the sex – then there is more “targeted” communication. The extreme concern of parents and the desire to know the sex of the child as early as possible is alarming. After all, the sex of the child does not really affect anything. Another thing is when parents are afraid to take some tests during pregnancy. Such people are afraid to take responsibility, they tend to passive attitude to their own lives.
If the wrong child is born, how do parents react to this?
There is nothing wrong with this, normal parents adapt very quickly to their own children, especially since in the psychological plan a child of up to two years is completely sexless. It does not matter which toys to play, how to dress up, but it’s important that parents have no doubts about whether they have a child by the age of one and a half to two years. There is time for adaptation, and it is not small.
Postpartum depression is not related to the child’s sex, at least it does not play a leading role. Nature has taken care that newborn children have special characteristics. All cubs – puppies, kittens or human – look so that they want to take care of them. All babies are helpless and defenseless, a purely natural mechanism is involved – to take care, this is called a gestalt of infancy, in the middle of the 20th century, many experiments were carried out on this subject. As a result, we came to the conclusion that helplessness, characteristic expression, proportions of the face (or muzzle in animals) cause certain reactions, and if the mother negatively views the appearance of the child, there are always serious reasons for this.
And how about men and their disappointments?
In any case, we learn to be parents with our own parents, and if a man has had a bad relationship with his father or he himself behaved in adolescence is not the best way, he has fears about the child of one sex with him. Therefore, the birth of a child of the opposite sex is more comfortable: if the father is anxious and restless, a daughter is born, it is easier for him to be the father of the girl, he can be with her any father, he does not know what should be the little girls. But he knows very well what small boys should be like, he was told in childhood how he should be. Women are the same, because for them the birth of a boy is more comfortable. If, on the contrary, there is nervousness in relation to the child of the opposite sex, for example, a woman is afraid to bring up her son, she grew up without a father and in general with the people of the opposite sex she was sparse. It works fear not to become an ideal parent.
If there is no getting used to sex, how does it affect children?
Girls are brought up as boys more often: she prefers male games and classes, communicates with boys. Such girls subsequently have many difficulties in building relationships, in marriage, and especially in the issue of the birth and education of their children. It’s just not her role.
The boy as a girl is brought up much less often, this is due to the stereotype of masculinity, but this causes more serious problems, in extreme cases the desire to change the sex at a certain age. For the male psyche such education is very painful, women in this regard are more adaptive.