You know, I’ve always felt that I’m a strong, confident woman. I truly believed that I enjoyed my independence and that I was smart enough not to get involved in a one-sided relationship. Despite what I may have thought, I’ve been weak lately.
Likewise, I’ve let go of my self-reliant nature in favor of chasing someone who didn’t really want me.
To the person I loved, I need you to know that I’m done. I wanted you so badly that I was hooked. However, at some point, I just got tired. That’s when I realized that I was fighting a battle that I could never win. So, I’ve stopped fighting, but that doesn’t mean my feelings have changed. Although I’ve stopped chasing you, you will always have a place in my heart.
I Thought You Were My Soulmate
The way they talk about love at first sight in the movies is all about butterflies, sparks, and magic. As cheesy and unrealistic as that may sound, that’s how I felt when I met you. Just seeing you gave me a feeling throughout my whole body and mind that I had never experienced before.
You were one of the most gorgeous people that I had ever laid eyes on. Truly, it was as if you’d stepped right off a runway and into my eyes.
As well as your looks, you had a beautiful mind that I couldn’t help but be enamored with. Not only were you intelligent, but you were creative and insightful too. Finally, the cherry on top of it all was how easily you made me laugh.
You were everything I’d ever wanted. How could I not fall for you?
I Made a Decision
However subconscious, it may have been, I made a choice from that moment on that I would do whatever I could to be with you. I decided that you were my everything and that I would give up everything for you.
So, I texted you, sometimes even double or triple texted you. I’d comment on all the photos that you posted just to receive some kind of recognition from you.
Although you seemed to like the attention, you never reciprocated.
You’d never replied to my comments and rarely replied to my text messages too. Along with all of that, you’d deny the majority of the invitations that I would extend to you.
Oh, how I wish that I had taken the hint back then. I wish that I had seen how clearly you were showing me that you weren’t interested. But no, I had to keep chasing you until my legs caved in from under me.
I Couldn’t Keep Going
One day, it hit me – you weren’t mine and you would never be.
That realization shook me to my core. I had spent so much of my energy on fawning over you, loving you, grasping onto straws that you might care. After all that effort, I had nothing to show for it.
I felt weak.
I felt like a failure.
Although I still loved you with every fiber of my being, I couldn’t keep up this chase. You were too far ahead, and I was stumbling to keep up. Perhaps that was all for the best.
Finally, I’ve stopped running. I’ve stopped doing all the things I used to hope would bring you closer to me. Despite the love that I still feel for you, I know that this can’t continue. It breaks my heart, it truly does, but I’m slowly beginning to heal. I’m starting to let go of my desire to be with you and allowing myself to be free, independent, and strong once more.