Probably my lack of confidence in relationships with men comes from my childhood. Father left us for another woman when I was ten years old. His parting with his mother was preceded by scandals, and deleting her from your life, he almost stopped to chat with me. It was very painful, especially when I learned that his daughter was born. After a few years, my mom started a new relationship, and this man began to live in our house. I took it calmly and we even became friends, but him mom has a family. It gave her a grudge against men.
I lived with constant talk about the fact that men are at heart traitors, and only use women. She taught me not to open them and not trust too much. The first novel I had in College. It was mutual love, we dated for a few months until I started to erode the doubt. All his friendly talks with the girls or message from them seemed a threat to happiness.
I was driven by something that was stronger than the ability to just live and appreciate the feeling which binds us together
In fairness, he gave me no reason to be jealous, I talked with the guys-classmates that was normal among students. However, my suspicions and fears grew and poisoned our relationship. I felt like his constant comments: “We are too different people, it Seems, with N. you have more interests.” Deep down I wanted he assured me: I am the most dear and beloved, and he did. However, over time, began to speak openly to me that these conversations are unpleasant and offensive.
And once I said, “Maybe we won’t have a future”, expecting that he will begin to convince me otherwise, I got the answer: “You’re right”. Looking back, I realize I made a mistake, but I was driven by something that was stronger than the ability to just live and appreciate the feeling which binds us together.