16.10.2021

Why, we are destroying relationships

Probably my lack of confidence in relationships with men comes from my childhood. Father left us for another woman when I was ten years old. His parting with his mother was preceded by scandals, and deleting her from your life, he almost stopped to chat with me. It was very painful, especially when I learned that his daughter was born. After a few years, my mom started a new relationship, and this man began to live in our house. I took it calmly and we even became friends, but him mom has a family. It gave her a grudge against men.

I«С ней тебе будет лучше»: зачем мы сами разрушаем отношения lived with constant talk about the fact that men are at heart traitors, and only use women. She taught me not to open them and not trust too much. The first novel I had in College. It was mutual love, we dated for a few months until I started to erode the doubt. All his friendly talks with the girls or message from them seemed a threat to happiness.

I was driven by something that was stronger than the ability to just live and appreciate the feeling which binds us together

«С ней тебе будет лучше»: зачем мы сами разрушаем отношенияIn fairness, he gave me no reason to be jealous, I talked with the guys-classmates that was normal among students. However, my suspicions and fears grew and poisoned our relationship. I felt like his constant comments: “We are too different people, it Seems, with N. you have more interests.” Deep down I wanted he assured me: I am the most dear and beloved, and he did. However, over time, began to speak openly to me that these conversations are unpleasant and offensive.

And once I said, “Maybe we won’t have a future”, expecting that he will begin to convince me otherwise, I got the answer: “You’re right”. Looking back, I realize I made a mistake, but I was driven by something that was stronger than the ability to just live and appreciate the feeling which binds us together.

“We create situations that threaten the relationship”

Veronika Stepanova, psychotherapist

Check that we organize partner happen unconsciously. As a rule, it is peculiar to women. At some point the man blackmailing and using passive aggression to achieve permanent confirmation of love and attention, perceives the idea that he needed another partner, and considers it his or just tired from having excuses.

In some cases, the woman herself creates the conditions so that he yielded to temptation. For example, moving closer to a friend who is having her husband Frank. Why it causes this pain? Some part of ways women can be sure that she is unworthy of love and understanding, incapable of building a harmonious Union.

The heroine notices that a true starting point, which formed its destructive in the subsequent words and actions – childhood. Mother broadcast a negative attitude to the opposite sex, and daughter manifested an unconscious desire to join to her pain. So, growing up, she begins to artificially create the circumstances that were predicted in childhood. To change this situation can only be soberly aware of what causes it.

“The more we believe in ourselves, the more trust the partner”

Lev Khegay, Jungian analyst

At a young age there is an active formation of identity. Man does not know himself and therefore knows no other. The relationship between men and women is always an encounter with unknown Others. If Other be unreliable, dangerous, capable of causing pain, it reflects the fragility and vulnerability of self-esteem.

Checking his feelings of strength – at the same time and checking the strength of the image itself. When a person knows himself better, more sure of himself, he is willing to trust Another. Therefore, regardless of the history of its parent family, “checking”, errors and inconsistencies in the first love relationship is inevitable. Most importantly, not stuck in the infantile period of a lifetime, but to consider what is happening to us as an important experience. It is useful to understand yourself and openly discuss your feelings and fantasies with your partner to better understand each other.

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