01.03.2021

I learned that my husband, the baby on the side

“I’m married 34 years old, recently found out that 11 years ago my husband had a child by another woman. My oldest son knew about it but concealed. I silent suffer, especially because my husband refuses to talk about it, he just said that it was an accident and he was drunk, and the woman just wanted to keep the baby… how was their relationship, is silent. Can’t forgive him, but do not dare to leave the family, because we were together so long, we have children and grandchildren… although my husband has and help him a little…”

Alima, 52 years

Я узнала, что у мужа есть, ребенок на стороне

I’m sorry this happened in your family. It is very sad, painful and hard to accept. In this situation, it is unclear whether it supports a relationship with her, given that the child is already 11 years old? Communicates with the child?

You should not be silent, we must ask all the questions that you have, to Express what you have inside. Fundamentally you don’t feel any better, but the process will move forward. Now, when in fact the silence continues, you are in such isolation will further suffer.

You have the right to know what happened and what is happening now. Like that husband or no, but for their actions need to answer. Unfortunately, people sometimes bring us a lot of pain, not wanting this, not realizing the consequences. All wrong. Your husband might have to regret that it happened, can feel guilt and responsibility towards a child that was born did not chose this scenario. Maybe this woman is already married.

In any case, better start talking. To leave you do not want, because no matter how difficult it is now, you have lived most of my life, raised children, have grandchildren. And had a lot of good, I hope. This is your home, your family, and husband – your loved one (despite not working).

You need time, maybe now you will not be able to accept and live with what I have learned, but give yourself time. Think about what is important to you, what binds you and your husband. Think about what you all are family, one way or another. And this value is what should be protected. What will cause the destruction? Now is not the time to make such decisions. Yet try to talk, to ask questions and tell my husband his state of mind. Do not be silent.

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