In the 21st century, the career has become one of the most significant values of life. And moving to another city or even a country, if it promises prospects in a career, no one will be surprised.
That’s only on the forums are increasingly raised topics with a burning question: how to maintain a relationship, if your loved one is far away. Who has ever experienced a long separation, knows how difficult it is.
She learned about how lovers cope with the difficulties of love at a distance and maintain relationships.
Damped flame
Every loving woman before parting is ready to swear an eternal love. But even the most daring are doubting whether love will not fade without recharge, although they believe that the fire of tender passion will flare up from a tormented expectation. Alena Berdnik, director of the training center “Culture of Relations”, comments on this question: “Lust and passion are one of the first levels of love.
Then follows the recognition of the person’s personality and his interests, when the partners respect each other as individuals. A person as if says: “I, as a person, an individual, respect another person. ” And only on the fourth level – real love – instead of the word “I” appears “we”. If the feelings before parting were on the first two levels, the rule “out of sight – out of mind” will work: a passion realized with one partner can be realized with the other. But if the partners have a well-implemented third level – then, perhaps, during separation, it will reach a cordial, higher level. This is the case when separation strengthens relationships. ”
If you are sure that you have love, not passion, not the fact that it will save you from the most frequent problems of separated lovers.
I myself am a
being who becomes accustomed to everything, including new circumstances: and it may happen that after a time you will suddenly understand that love is something, but only it is very convenient for you to live in your little world in your own way orders.
“This often happens if a person is a loner by nature: when a man, for example, starts to live with a woman, he does not know where to break himself, and if they part, then he quickly gets used to the old way of life, – says the psychotherapist, the director of the Anti-stress Center Maxim Zagoruiko. He recommends, before separation, to recall what kind of partner he had before the beginning of life together: this will help you to protect yourself from unexpected surprises in the future.
In captivity of illusions
It is worth remembering about the difference in perception of separation in men and women. Maxim Zagoruiko notes that it is easier for women to love at a distance due to the peculiarity of female psychology.
In addition, women have a habit of holding on to relationships longer, which objectively has no future. “And this is not always related to distance. There is a type of women who believe that love is given from above and only once in a lifetime, so when the relationship has died, they do not want to admit it,
“the psychologist comments. He also notes that excessive attachment to a partner can be caused by fear that the woman will not find a worthy replacement.
I’ll be faithful to him a century
The most, perhaps, slippery moment: at a time when sex becomes synonymous with a healthy lifestyle, it is difficult to remain faithful. Experts recommend not to leave this issue without attention and discuss it: today there are opportunities to agree, but if for you sex and love are merged and you are not trained in the art of monastic life, it is unlikely to be maintained.
But even in free modern couples, a woman is always more at risk: as explained by Maxim Zagoruiko, a woman is more prone to “get attached” to the one with whom she has sexual intercourse, and this can destroy the previous relationship.
The constancy of time
If, despite all obstacles, you are clearly determined to maintain your relationship, it will be helpful to look at some of the recommendations:
Common feelings – divided feelings
“Divided time and divided emotions – that’s what keeps the relationship in pairs,” Maxim Zagoruiko sums up. Since the first item disappears when you are separated, it is worth paying attention to the second. As the psychologist says, a frequent reason for the breakdown of relations is the situation when each of the spouses experiences their emotions within themselves and does not share them with a loved one. This happens, for example, if a family has a grief: it unites only those who experience it together. In the situation of separation, it also works: for sure you communicate, and tell a lot about your life. It is important that you feel at the same time whether you are talking about it and whether your partner shares your feelings. If he answers the same, then you will be all right: after all, emotions are one of the most valuable cables that keep people together, even if they are far away.
Communication at a distance
Tips to write love SMS and e-mails, as it turns out, are also not meaningless: “When a person writes a letter, he materializes his thoughts in a certain way, this is of no small importance,” believes Alena Berdnik, destroying the myth that all modern ways of communication are a surrogate for real communication. Remember, do you often talk live with your native people, do you often meet to spend an evening together? From rare communication they do not cease to be your close people.
Time of development
“The way a person experiences separation depends on how full his life is.
Partnerships require a lot of energy and energy, so separation can be used as an opportunity to implement other plans, which simply did not have enough time,
– believes Alena Berdnik. It is important that both partners develop, but as the journey itself changes the person, the one who stays in place should usually make more efforts for development, – adds Alain.
Relationships at a distance are not a test for everyone. But if you look at the other side, they have even advantages. For example, there is no problem of the life of love that broke about the boat, which is so often mentioned in the reasons for parting, which even made it fatigue. In the end, use your position as an advantage: when you have the opportunity to come home in the evening, do not run to the kitchen, but calmly spend the evening with a book. Look for the pros – save the love.
