The secret conflict, when women accuse men of not wanting to spend money, and those in turn, trying to convict their friends in greed, is exacerbated on the eve of the holidays. Despite the feminine desire to be exclusive and unusual, the holiday with its traditional attributes the majority wishes the same. The expectation that a man owes his money to his woman, goes back to history. “In patriarchal society, for men, access to resources (especially material ones) is substantially higher than for women.
Previously, a woman could only receive material resources through a man.Historically, such a chain in our minds remained in the form of women’s perception of male viability as an opportunity to give gifts, “
says the head of the Siberian Association of Consultants Natalya Gulina.
On the eve of the holidays – March 8 or Valentine’s Day – stores are filled with men who are not always happy, and sometimes just sadly spin the perfume bottles in their hands and clink their tongues at the counter with flowers that have risen in price twice. By refusing to spend, they show not so much greed as protest against mass obligations. “Our relationship between man and society is more individual than similar – each person has a certain desire to be different from others, at least on a conscious level,” explains Natalia Gulina. Thus, for unwillingness to spend, there can be a conscious reaction – in the spirit of “they make me do it, but I’ll do it right, so, I think it’s me.”
What’s the use of a fur coat?
A strong business executive is a godsend for a woman. A practical approach to spending, postponing money for a rainy day and planned purchases will allow even a family with a modest budget to stay afloat. Problems can arise if minor joys are important to you, or more serious things that raise your spirits, but are not so cheap. “Someone’s financial situation is such that he can not give gifts.
And someone’s finances are allowed, but he planned to invest this money in something more important. A man is much more interesting to buy, for example, a gun for 70 thousand than a fur coat, says the man and psychotherapist of the center “Sibneymore” Igor Pozhidaev. “What a sense of a coat, you understand.” A gun is a good toy. ”
“It often seems to the man that the resources can and should be distributed in such a way that the woman gets the residual principle,” retorts the founder of the Institute of Counseling Alain Sagadeev. – If a man does not believe his woman, of course, he will be stingy, she is a whorl for him, which takes good from the house. “By the way, women sometimes treat men in the same way.” According to Alena Sagadeeva, if a woman is ill in the family, the man will not be well by definition. If she is well, she will find ways to make things good.
We support the dynamo
A recent article in a friendly male magazine he.ngs.ru surprised the female audience, revealing the deep fear of men that they only want money from them. Charges in the greed of a woman were taken to heart and offended. This fear is also a trace of the patriarchal past, when they gave in marriage, but did not go out for love, thus excluding the emotional connection between a man and a woman. “There is a certain rightness in this – the demand for gifts from those times when a man was needed not by himself, but as a source of resources,” says Natalya Gulina. “Therefore, fears that this surviving stereotype will prove to be prevalent, psychological justification is not deprived.”
According to Igor Pozhidaev, with the change in the economic situation, people have become more honest and they declare their needs: “The woman does not hide that she is interested in financial well-being. And according to sociological research, the sexiest part of a man is a purse: people who have the attributes of luxury look more attractive. ”
Both ours and yours
Speaking of greed, we evaluate male actions based on the traditional, historically formed understanding. Grandiose social changes have brought new stereotypes, but women are not in a hurry to give up old ones. “In connection with serious changes in gender stereotypes, a very large number of oppositely directed elements have come: on the one hand, the old ones have survived, and on the other hand new ones have come, and very often they are not coordinated with each other,” explains Natalya Gulina.
Thus, on the one hand, women demand equality of rights with men, and on the other – in the male image there are clearly patriarchal features – generosity among them.
“The facts show that we are equal with men, and even more – often in the material plan ahead of them. And in our minds, we still have a stereotype that a man must prove his worth with expensive gifts, “continues Natalya Gulina. “The so-called male greed is more a sign of a change in stereotypes than greed itself in the classical sense of the word.”
What should a woman do?
With this question, the SHE correspondent turned to specialists. The answers were different.
Alain Sagadeeva:“If a man has ears and brains, then you can try to change the situation. Different men do this differently. Someone needs tough methods, so that he understands – up to parting, someone has enough gentle stroking, and someone should be pitied for his past unhappy experience. The main question is whether a man wants to be near this woman. ”
Igor Pozhidaev: “Everyone has some critical moments – for someone it’s flowers, for someone a fur coat, for someone a kind word. But it is better to agree on such things in advance and remind from time to time. If a man actively ignores, but for a woman without this, life failed, hoping that something will change is useless. ”
Natalia Gulina:“It’s worth asking yourself – do you want long-term relationships or get resources now and immediately? The task of girls who want a long-term relationship is not to drive horses, but to pay attention first and foremost to building emotionally warm, trusting relationships. After a man admits a woman to his inner circle and ceases to divide money into his and her, the concept of greed disappears. “