Two big differences
Why do many of us not think of life without communicating with girlfriends? Why do even those who prefer to communicate with men, often after some time from their own words refuse and admit: chatter with other girls is absolutely necessary for women’s mental health? Because it is really so. As the psychologist-consultant Anastasia Radaeva explained, the device of the female psyche is such that the emotional unloading and stress relieving the woman receives only by repeatedly pronouncing her problem.
Accordingly, getting into a society of their own kind, women mutually beneficial cooperate in an emotional way. Because this is their dominant component, unlike men. Which are also friends, but in a different way, at the level of information. “In men, friendship is more focused on joint activities, joint goals and their achievement. First of all reliability is appreciated. In women, friendship is tied to the emotional component, the exchange of emotions, “explains the director of the Anti-Stress Center Maxim Zagoruiko, explaining why chatting and gossiping is not a whim, but a necessity.
The roots of it, as usual, in history. Traditionally, in men’s hunting and war, mutual support was valued, it was necessary for survival. Women, engaged in the upbringing of children and farming, found themselves in networks of emotional contacts.
But since friendship for them was not a matter of survival, then the rupture of relations was less critical. So, from an evolutionary point of view, the resilience and duration of relationships in female friendship are secondary concepts.
But the friendship itself does not become less important: “The circle of friends of one’s sex is needed in order to confirm their sexual self-identification, to realize that a woman is a woman,” Anastasia Radaeva believes.
Near and near
The main principle of forming a circle of friends- girl -friends goes, by the way, also according to the traditional principle – the unity of place and action. As you know, most real friends come with us from a young age, when we were strongly connected with other people – interests, studies, places of residence. Friends in this situation do not start up – they become. “After all, who such a friend is a person who is time-tested, he is his own, he is another ,” says Evgeni Alexandrov, director of the center for psychological care “Amalthea.” This is very economical for the psyche – emotionally cemented once, such connections do not need checks, but are guaranteed to fulfill their function.
For women, everything is a little more complicated. “True female friendship can exist only between women with normal self-esteem,” Anastasia Radaeva said, telling that many of the options that we consider friendship as a friendship are not in fact.
For example, a woman can choose her gray mice (in order to be brighter on their background) or, conversely, bright beauties (in order to feel herself “in the flow”).
Sometimes money plays a role, for example, when one girlfriend is much better off than another. The benefits that women receive from such relationships are usually not realized.
Apple of discord
And yet the friendship between Cinderella and the Princess happens usually in fairy tales. But the phenomenon, when we start to envy our girlfriend, is much more common. Anastasia Radaeva points to him as the most important underwater rock of friendly relations. According to her, as soon as a woman begins to compare herself with her friend, secretly receive some kind of pleasure, if the comparison is “in my favor,” it’s worth braking: friendship is in danger. To admit to yourself in envy of a friend is difficult, but just such situations give rise to talk for those who say that women do not know how to be friends.
It is in such friendly unions (where there is hidden envy) that the main role in the rupture is played by someone named Man. In any case, he will take your girlfriend away from you – for a while, and this, as psychologists recall, is normal: during love, interests are completely shifted to one person. But if the friendship was a friendship, and not a substitute, a woman will soon grieve for the society of gallant girlfriends and come back.
True, there is a nuance. Single friends will seek to attract the attention of men. As Maxim Zagoruiko said, this is natural, but it is not necessary to compete with the legal owner, as well as to suppress emotions.
According to him, it is useful if “competition” will be in the form of a game. It can even revitalize relationships. A more dramatic option – when both start to be interested in one man. This development of events, according to psychologists, almost always leads to the fact that a woman prefers a man, and not a friendship. Returning to the beginning of the conversation about the difference in women’s and men’s friendship, we recall that the evolutionary woman is oriented differently, and the very concept of friendly relations for her is not vitally important. Therefore, she may well prefer a man to friendship, and this need not necessarily be taken as a betrayal. The main thing, as experts recall, is not to dissemble to yourself in pursuit of an imaginary virtue.