The search for the second half is an eternal and urgent topic for both sexes. But recently this issue is increasingly becoming a subject of debate. When you read comments on SHE articles, it sometimes seems that men and women are separated by a great Chinese wall and can not find each other in any way.
The ladies are sure that the men are shredded and exhausted, and the gentlemen are outraged by the feminine mercantile spirit in the choice of a potential spouse. What men are chosen by the inhabitants of Novosibirsk and what consequences this choice may entail, the correspondents of SHE found out.
According to the therapist, the director of the Anti-Stress Center Maxim Zagoruiko, Russian women have a so-called problem of narrowing the field of choice: first, there are more women in number, and secondly, long stay at work limits the circle of communication, and, thirdly, women become more demanding in terms of choosing a partner.
“If before a woman was chosen, now she has the opportunity to choose herself,” the therapist continues. – On the one hand, this is good, because there is a chance to find the most suitable partner, but on the other – it is much more difficult, because you have to take responsibility for the choice, to understand yourself. To understand what she really wants is not always easy for a woman. In addition, it contradicts the widespread social stereotype – that a woman in a relationship should be passive. ”
According to a survey conducted at SHE, “her in the board” is in the lead as the ideal husband – not an ideal but close person, more than half of the women – 53. 7% – chose him. The second place is “clever” – not rich, but always interesting, – 24. 6% of our readers want a smart husband.
Next on popularity – “businessman”, secured, active and pragmatic husband would like 20. 3% of women. Closes the procession of husbands “handsome” – a strong and sexual husband was desired by only 1. 2% of respondents. It is worth noting that this survey does not pretend to the truth in the last instance, it only reflects the main trends – for this, the dominant features were chosen.
Use what’s at hand
Not ideal, not handsome, not rich – but more than half of those surveyed chose this type of man. There are several reasons for this. The first is that the ability to care for and understand a partner is valued by a woman above all else. “There is such a characteristic – the psychological ability to marry. It includes the ability to give and care, negotiate and cooperate, as well as the ability to empathize, forgive and be condescending to other people’s shortcomings, “says Maxim Zagoruiko. According to him, relations can only hold on to emotional intimacy, and such unions are the strongest.
However, it is necessary to take into account another factor – the lack of a large supply in the “groom’s market” does not leave much of a choice. According to the observations of psychologists, the demands of women grow when the supply exceeds demand.
In the conditions of shortage of suitors (after the war, for example), the material position, beauty and other achievements of potential husbands are not so important, women forget about their moods and rejoice at whoever is around.
Given that the gap between men and women in the Novosibirsk region is growing (in 2007, there were 854 men per 1000 women, by 2026 the number of men will drop to 812), just a good guy is already a kind of profession, the demand for such men too, apparently , will be. However, here there is a contradiction – high demand exists against the background of serious changes in social life, so the law “use what is at hand” works for those women who have not achieved great financial success. Those who are able to provide themselves, continue to make high demands and … wait.
You are my clever girl!
Every fourth woman who took part in the survey prefers intelligent men. And it’s not accidental. In addition to the good genes that he can give to future children, an intelligent man can provide a family with the help of his cogitative activity. Communicating with a man, wherever it happens – in a restaurant or at a copier, – a woman estimates the man’s mind and creativity, making a verdict: interesting-uninteresting. Unfortunately, in the conditions of scanty men’s resources, the search for Nobel laureate with the face of George Clooney is unlikely to succeed. Have to sacrifice something. “It is important that a man and a woman at an intellectual level were close,” says Maxim Zagoruiko. “If the difference is great, the situation becomes unstable. ”
Prince, not a beggar
For every fifth participant of the survey, the availability of funds is the main quality of the ideal husband. Anna Goncharik, executive director of the Blue Bird Family Service, disagrees with the data of our survey: “The first question that women pay attention to is the approximate level of income,” she says. “No woman who has taken place wants to have a man who has not taken his place next to her, because this often means a problematic man. ” The attractiveness of a wealthy man is connected with social stereotypes.
In addition, a woman with a high salary is looking for a partner to match. “But these women have another problem – next to a weak man she is not interested, but with a strong one, she starts to compete”, – says Maxim Zagoruiko.
According to him, the rich suitors are mostly looked for by those “who feel insolvent and try to become psychologically well-off next to a wealthy man – he is for such a woman as a prestigious car. ”
Horrible power
Appearance is not the main thing – many women say, but still pay attention to attractive men. “Again, it is a matter of social stereotypes, it is customary to say that the main thing is that a person is good, a woman unconsciously seeks to follow them. ” However, Anna Goncharik continues, few women write that appearance does not matter. As a rule, men, flexing their muscles, are more successful than the owners of the complexion of DiCaprio.
Muscles for men perform the same function as the tail for a male peacock, to attract a female. However, the human female is biceps only in the case of finding relationships without obligations. Those who are looking for a partner in life, you can not take one muscle and a brutal look. On the one hand, the beauty and sexuality of a man’s women attracts, and on the other – raises doubts about their ability to remain faithful.
If you are in search, remember that you can add to the statistics of divorces as quickly as the statistics of marriages. That this does not happen, it is enough to understand what exactly you want from marriage. If you just get rid of loneliness or annoying parents, you will soon return to them. Think about what really matters to you. And go “on the hunt” – in 2026 the situation will be clearly worse.
