Why does this exist?

If you’ve always wanted to acquire the irresistible allure of a dad bod, but have never been able to grow one, you’re in luck! The Dad Bag has arrived and is here to make all of your dreams come true. The best part? It’ll even hold your beer.

Dad Bag Belly Pack –

Farts in a Jar –

“Pull my finger” just got an electronic upgrade. Farts in a Jar captures the fun – but not the funk – of letting one rip. Lift the lid of the plastic jar to activate the light sensor inside and trigger a sound of human flatulence. Keep opening and closing the jar to cycle through all six nasty noises from the long and wet to the short and squeaky.

What’s Your Poo Telling You?

Next up on our list of sh*t that probably shouldn’t exist is a book about literal sh*t. After reading this book, you’ll never see poo the same way again (but you’ll probably look at it more closely). Potty humor aside, bowel movements can provide insight into our health and well-being. And once you get over the fact that you are reading a book about Number Twos, you’ll realize that you didn’t know sh*t about your body!

Micro Blaster Q-Tip Bow-

Looking for a way to annoy the sh*t out of your coworkers? Snag one of these Micro Blasters! This nifty device launches Q-tips over 20 feet and comes with 25 swabs to get you started. What a deal.

Creepy AF Mouth Mover Mask –

Ever feel the need to utterly terrify the people around you? Well, you’re in luck! These eerily awesome masks actually move with your jaw, giving the illusion that the animal is talking… or howling… or barking… or what the fox says. The resulting image is guaranteed to unsettle and amuse your friends.

Cat Cap

A cat in a hat may seem like a funny idea, but honestly who would spend money on this? My cat would sooner claw my eyes out than wear one of these.

Yummy World Plush Cheesy Puffs-

If you’ve got a hankering for cuteness, curl up with Plush Cheesy Puffs. The soft, pillowy sack is modeled humorously after snack food bags down to the fake nutritional facts on the back (it contains 100% of your Daily Value of cuddles, in case you were wondering). And for only $50, they’re yours to keep.

Cat Wine –

Cat Wine is a fun feline snack made with catnip and other all-natural ingredients. Although it’s served in a mini wine bottle, don’t worry about your kitty going on a bender. This “wine” is non-alcoholic and completely safe for your feline friend…just in case you were concerned.

The Human Slingshot-

Nothing ensures a trip to the emergency room quite like a human slingshot. With the Human Slingshot, you and three friends can fling each other around the inside of a giant stretchable band like a bouncing pinball. In a synchronized pattern, players run toward each other and into the walls of the giant band creating the momentum necessary to catapult the other players across the confines of the slingshot…or directly into one another.

 The World’s Largest Gummy Worm –

The World’s Largest Gummy Worm is 128 times more massive than a traditional gummy worm. Measuring twenty-six inches long and weighing in at approximately 3 pounds, the World’s Largest Gummy Worm is the most delicious 4,000-calorie candy worm in existence. Who wouldn’t want one?

Screaming Goat Figure

Become the owner of your very own screaming goat with this tiny figurine! Just press the tree stump button to hear the high-pitched bleats we have all come to know and love (or rip our hair out to). Includes 32-pages illustrated booklet all about goats.

Bacon Lip Balm –

Bacon Lip Balm lets you slather the taste of bacon on your chops even after your stomach literally can’t hold any more of the delicious meat. And just in case you fry in the sun, SPF 15 protection can keep your lips from getting too crispy. So pucker up and grease your food-hole with Bacon Lip Balm! If that’s not appetizing, I don’t know what is.

Beer-Flavored Hard Candy –

Now you can enjoy the taste of beer without the effects of alcohol. Why? No idea. But Beer Hard Candy is here to offer you just that. It’s an assortment of sweet treats inspired by craft brews like Hoppy IPA, Honey Ale, and Roasty Stout. YUM.

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