“You look great today,” we say. “Of course, I love you,” they tell us. ”It’s good to see you,” we say. “Sorry, I did not hear the call,” they tell us. We often speak untruth, without noticing it. The environment responds with reciprocity.
Advertising guarantees that the powder launches all the stains, on the phone assures that the taxi will arrive in 10 minutes, and by email we receive spam with the theme “from an old friend”. Lying already seems to be the norm, the way of life. White lies, sweet lies, lies for salvation … Why do we all the time? This question was puzzled by the correspondent of SE.
Until recently, psychologists almost ignored the lie as a subject for study, leaving this issue for discussion by philosophers and moralists. However, they changed their minds in time and began to investigate the lie as a phenomenon.
On closer examination, the banal domestic lies turned out to be very interesting and complex.
Lies in numbers
Psychologists from the University of Virginia (USA) in the course of the study found that most people tell a lie twice a day – some even clean their teeth less often. Lies constitute the fifth part of conversations with others, say the researchers. If all the people with whom we communicate, take for 100%, then we deceive every third. The most terry liars are teenagers, they cheat parents through time. British scientists in the survey revealed that on average, a person lies 88,000 times in his entire life.
However, at the same time he must live at least 60 years. The most common lie is the correct answer to the question “How are you? ”. What do we usually answer? – “It’s OK! ”. On the second place – “It’s good to see you! ”, Often we say it simply out of politeness. Compliments of “You go …” and “You look good today! ” Occupy the third and fourth places.
Extraverts lie much more often than intravert, Western scientists assure (perhaps because they are generally more talkative? ). Rarely deceived by people who are distinguished by responsibility, and strangely enough, people who are in a state of depression. Unlike his more joyful companions, a depressed person does not overestimate the degree of control over the situation and his influence on other people.
We do not need to look into the eyes when we doubt someone’s words: according to research, they lie on the phone more often than by personal communication. With regard to gender differences, men lie more often than women, but the reasons driving on lies are different. Men do not want to lose face, and women do not want to hurt their loved ones.
Who is lying?
According to a survey conducted on SHE, most often lie to parents – 23%, not much less to the boss and colleagues – 22. 6%, in third place – the second half – they lie about 13% of respondents, and in the last place – true friends who only 9% are deceived. The remaining 31% claim that they speak only the truth.
5 reasons why you say untruth
1. The best defense. This is the most popular motive that makes people lie. You can very much respect the truth, but if another delay is threatening to be fired, and another call from a man is divorced, then a protective mechanism turns on, and your brain gives out versions that will help to avoid a conflict situation and save you from an impending catastrophe. This mechanism is very often used by children. At the age of 6-7 years they understand that with the help of lies one can avoid parental anger and punishment. Therefore, they hide diaries, sweets eat, and responsibility is shifted to the elder sister.
Who so often deceived you, as you yourself? (Benjamin Franklin)
2. It’s calmer. When the hare is haunted by a wolf, he begins to confuse the tracks in order to deceive the predator. But only man manages to deceive not only others, but also himself. After the desire to defend the fear of truth as a reason for deception, including yourself, is most common. Well, if it’s limited to believing in a great win and buying a pair of lottery tickets. Worse, if a person tries to hide from anxious signals and problems, not to make a decision and not to subject his life to change. The wounded pride will gladly accept the conclusion that you are not guilty of anything. This again you do not understand and did not appreciate. Only the surrounding reality is unlikely to change from this.
Lying is a sin before the Lord, but a very useful thing in the face of circumstances. (Adlai Stevenson)
3. Custom order. Although in childhood many were taught that it is not good to cheat and it is always better to tell the truth, no matter how bitter it may be, in real life society sometimes encourages lies. To set aside a plate of unfertilized meat and to require a mountain cook in the studio is possible only in the restaurant. If you do this on a visit, you will at least offend the landlady, and in addition, get the reputation of a rude boorish. Therefore, in such a situation you will have to act, as in a decent society – chew and praise intensively (read: lie).
Lying reigns not only at the dinner table. Try to be late for the meeting and honestly admit that you have overslept again. Your boss is hardly awake at night, but he will listen to the version about traffic jams on Bolshevik with great understanding. Moreover, lies are an integral part of many professions, lawyers, representatives of the yellow press often resort to it, etc.
They lie first of all to those they love. (Nadine de Rothschild)
4. One disorder! If your mother finds out that her freshly knitted sweater is in the closet or that you have left your lover, she will be terribly upset. At the same time, it is unlikely to correct the situation. The question is: why should she know about this? “We are not so much trying to impress others,” explains Robert Feldman, a psychologist at the University of Massachusetts, who is investigating the psychology of lies, “how much to imagine ourselves in the way that they want to see us. ”That’s why, not wanting to upset our loved ones, we do not tell them the whole truth – not to destroy the ideal image, not to inflate the conflict and avoid misunderstanding and condemnation.
Lying is the same alcoholism. The liars lie and die. (Anton Pavlovich Chekhov)
5. Sleight of hands. Many have among the familiar pathological liars, which do not stop even the ridicule and mistrust of others. They tell stories, and always among the listeners there is a victim who will believe. The reason for this behavior is simple – low self-esteem. With the help of fantasy, chronic liars come up with a new self-a bright and charismatic image. But psychologists found that content is not important for everyone: some find particular pleasure in the process of fooling themselves – they manipulate others around.
It is possible to treat lies in a different way – categorically, like Kant (“Even if a lie does not harm anyone, it can not be considered innocent”), or tolerant, like Byron (“In the end what is a lie? ” – “The Masked Truth”). And you can perceive it as an acquired skill that contributes to the survival of mankind. Just imagine what would happen if everyone (! ) Always said (! ) The truth and nothing else … Stay yourself and do not become a slave of judgments – true or false!