Every time you start to meet with different men, but part with the same one all the time. “I always get caught by loafers (betrayers, bores, etc. – it’s necessary to emphasize),” you resent.
If the script of your relationship is repeated for the third time, maybe this means not that “all men are the same”, but what do you choose the same yourself? Why this happens and how to stop attracting the same type of men, stepping on the same rake, the correspondent SHE.
Looking after the outgoing man from your life, you think: “Yes that I once again with the same contacted!”. Then a new one appears, quite unlike him. But the further, the more it begins to behave like a predecessor. And now you are constantly comparing them and once again parting with a new man, but you just can not part with the same type.
“People often use the same scenarios throughout their lives. In addition, with age, the number of scenarios is getting smaller and smaller, “argues the psychotechnologist of the training company Golden-Age Alexander Vasenev.
And, in the opinion of psychologist Alexander Pesterev, the syndrome of scenario recurrence affects the absolute majority of people:
“99.9% live semi-consciously, either in a dream or” on the machine. ” Only when the roasted cock pecks, then they say: “Where are my eyes” and “All men are …”.
The janitor is guilty. The
classic explanation for psychology is that the daughter is attached to her father, as the most common type of a man since childhood. And we, they say, all life subconsciously looking for a man who looks like a dad. In general, all psychologists agree that people are largely driven by habit. We like what is familiar. The habit base is recorded on a child’s subcortex at the age of 5-7 years on the basis of the relationship of the parents.
“And depending on whether you like them or not, you are building your script very similar to the scenario of the parents or completely opposite to it. “I will never be like my parents …” – this is the same scenario with the opposite sign “, – that’s just so Alexander Pesterev explains all our agonies about the choice of the satellite and the sequence of seemingly random encounters.
However, blaming the father in everything is a classical approach, but not the only one. In addition to him, at the age of 5, another kind of male image could also be imprinted into your brain – from a teacher and a cute actor to … a janitor.
“It does not matter who it is. It is more important that it will be connected with emotional experience, – Vasenev argues. – Emotions strongly imprint in the brain the image of a person who was close at the moment of experiencing. In place of his father, there may be a poster with a hero on the wall, and an image from a telecast or even just a passer-by. ”
Male images associated with positive emotions from childhood, have the property of accumulating, blurring and superimposing one on another.
“And then we wonder why we do not understand how it pulls to someone who is similar to a character. Yes, everything is clear! It’s just like a janitor, by which we ran as a child, getting a top five! “- jokes psychologist Vasenev.
Mask, I know you.
Actually, there is nothing wrong with the attachment to the father and the desire to find the same husband. Exactly the same way as in general to find a man of a positive type, which the mind made from the pope, that actor and this janitor. The woman then consciously looks for positive traits, because they are familiar and familiar to her. And what if the father was an alcoholic? Or a loafer? But at the same time her daughter still loved him, even when she told everyone that she would not come for it at all. The problem is that we tend to confuse sympathy for the usual with love.
“Why on earth do you automatically start to like some unfamiliar person seen in the crowd, for example? – says the director of the Center for Medical Sexology and Psychotherapy Igor Poperechny. “Because in him you see the familiar.”
And we, naive, immediately think that we fell in love. Here the main thing is to stop and use the “mask, I know you” method: to see what exactly from the habitual image attracted in a man. To think whom he looks like? What was that man like? Once a stranger in a crowd looks like him in one, so, maybe, he looks like the other? Would you like to start communicating with such a person again?
A comprehensive strategy for circumventing robbery is offered by psycho-technologist Alexander Vasenev:
• Realize that you are stepping on the same rake, that the choice is made subconsciously in the direction of the wrong type of men that you would like.
• Create a new clear, bright, attractive image of a man with whom you are ready to live your whole life. Describe not only its appearance, but also other parameters.
• Answer the questions: “What kind of a woman would such a man want to be?”, “What am I willing to do to become such a woman?”.
To escape it will not be possible
However here it is important, having seen in the stranger liked familiar features, to not start up immediately. If you avoid the type, it can become an obsession.
“So you just go in the opposite direction, which means you’ll still be depending on this image,” explains Transverse. “We just need to know, to be aware that – yes, he has features reminiscent of his father.” You can continue to communicate, if you want, but constantly celebrate similarities. So you can reach the level of conscious perception of a person, free from the magic of habit.
It would be good to get rid of your own “magic” – from what attracts you to “all these types”. They just see that you accept them.
“People pass each other 90% of the information non-verbally. Gestures, facial expressions, style of clothes, internal state. You can say anything, only your subconscious mind will pass exactly what you learned in childhood, – warns Alexander Pesterev.
– Imagine, you say: “I want children. House. Stability. Calm down. “Is 10% of the information being learned by the interlocutor, and 90% of people non-verbally shout from you:” Yes, even at 5 am creep, I will still live with you, I will give birth to you. “
Few people have time for such deep self-interest. We basically try to put in order our appearance, career, and thoughts – there is no time. Therefore, in new clothes, with a new hairstyle and in a new position, we always attack the same rake each time.
“To change, you need to read books, go to trainings, consult psychologists,” advises Pesterev. – People change when they reach the point “EVERYTHING! ENOUGH! BORROW!”.
You can tell yourself this at any time, it is not necessary to wait for the disaster and when your daughter will already inherit the same negative scenario.