As we expand our understanding of the huge range of sexual orientations that exist – and therefore, as we explore everything we know about sexuality – demisexuality is a concept that is coming up more and more frequently.
If you are demisexual, you only feel sexually attracted to another person when you have formed a deep emotional connection with them.
While there are not yet any fixed statistics for how many demisexual people there are in the UK, The Guardian reported in 2019 that thousands of people were identifying with the term. And the identification and interest in this sexual orientation is only increasing.
This comes as many of us are beginning to identify with a range of different sexual orientations. It’s not because there’s a sudden influx of people veering from the traditional heterosexual norm, but because society has grown a lot as a whole, and we are finally recognising and accepting our differences when it comes to sexual orientation.
While some people may reject labels, others find them to aid understanding, as well as provide a sense of belonging through common experiences and emotions.
As well as heterosexual (when someone is sexually and romantically attracted to the opposite sex) and homosexual (when someone is sexually and romantically attracted to the same sex), there’s also bisexual (when someone is sexually and romantically attracted to males and females, or towards more than one gender); pansexual (when someone is sexually and romantically attracted towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity); and asexual (when someone doesn’t feel any sexual attraction towards anyone at all) among many other types of sexual orientation.
It may sound straightforward enough, but there are important nuances to demisexuality that you should be aware of. Here’s everything you need to know. . .
What is demisexuality?
Demisexuality is a sexual orientation used to describe someone who only feels sexual attraction to another person once they have formed an emotional bond with them. A demisexual person can have any gender identity and can be straight, gay or any other sexual orientation.
How do I know if I’m demisexual?
If you think you might be demisexual, start by asking yourself some questions to help understand your feelings. Ask yourself who have you been sexually attracted to in the past, and what was your relationship to them like?
Does your idea of attractiveness seem to differ from what other people think? Do you feel sexually attracted to strangers or celebrities? Do you enjoy flirting and meeting new people? If you feel comfortable, discuss your answers with a friend to help explore your feelings a bit further.
Is demisexual the same as asexuality?
No it isn’t – they are quite different. An asexual person does not feel sexually attracted to anyone, whereas a demisexual person very much does. They can feel strongly sexually attracted to someone, once they have formed an emotional connection.
Also, a demisexual person can have a high sex drive and like the idea of sex, but only want to experience it with those they are close with.
