07.05.2021

What if you do not have a relationship with your lover’s friends?

In addition to confidence in the lack of logic in women and its presence in men, the latter often argue that the same is the case with friendship. They believe that only they are able to make friends, but there is no female friendship at all. And let them count and be friends with each other – we do not care. But it so happened that a woman must take a beloved man with all his virtues, shortcomings and … friends. And they, in turn, can also prove to be both a virtue and a disadvantage. How to properly build relationships with friends of your partner, so as not to destroy the relationship with him, the correspondent of SE explained.

Whatever it was, but for most men, friendship is sacred, and friends are the closest people for whom in fire, water and at night to the other end of the city. Their friendship is built on shared difficulties, mutual assistance and support. “Women are more emotional by nature, they often share experiences with each other, they know a lot about their friends’ personal life – they have more reasons for gossip and, as a consequence, for quarrels,” says the director of the psychological center “Harmony” Nikita Lozin. “It’s not peculiar for men.” In addition, women are characterized by competition in the struggle for a man. For a woman it is important that her friends admire the admiration, seeing her gentleman, for a man – that the relationship and friendship do not interfere with each other. Therefore, it is necessary to build relations with his friends with special attention.

If a man decides to introduce you to his close friends, most likely, this indicates the seriousness of his intentions. 

“Of course, a lot depends on the circle that you are represented, but nevertheless you do not have to try your best to seem better than you are. But to sit silently, too, is not necessary,

– advises psychotherapist of the clinic “Insight” Tatiana Koroleva. “If they are real friends of your man, they will necessarily treat you with respect and help you join the company.” Therefore, you need to relax and behave as usual – sincerely and benevolently. If your husband’s friends have girls or wives, try to find a common language with them. “It will be easier for women to communicate among themselves, they will not feel unnecessary in the company of men, they will not interfere with their communication,” Nikita Lozin is sure. In this case, it is not necessary to stuff yourself into friends with either the wives of friends or the friends of your husband. A good, even relationship with them is a victory. 

And not a friend, not an enemy
What if you do not have a relationship with your lover's friends?If the friends of the second half were wonderful people, communication with which gives you pleasure, then you are very lucky. Often the opposite happens, and the relationship does not add up at all, because you do not like each other. “It happens that a woman notices in relations of men with his friend what he himself does not see,” says Tatyana Koroleva. – For example, he can believe that he owes a friend, because he constantly helps him solve some problems. But in reality a friend tries to prove himself in this way, to show that he is stronger and more successful. Or vice versa – he constantly uses his comrade. ” A man can not notice this because of the length of friendship, and a woman from the side will see. But this does not mean that you need to immediately tell him that a friend of his is not so wonderful, and even more forbid communication.

“Everything that a person is forbidden causes an inner protest in him, just as he will be called by his words that his friend is bad. After all, this means that he himself is the same as he communicates with him, – Tatiana Koroleva is sure.“In such conversations one should speak only from oneself and avoid appraising categories.” 

That is, it is better to start the conversation with the words “I feel, I feel, I feel bad when I see that …” Do not scold a man for his short-sightedness – give him the opportunity to realize the situation and come to some conclusion. And the main thing – before you interfere in the relations of friends, it is worth several times to think: is there really such a need?

However, there are situations when you can not interfere, because aggression from friends is directed at you. If the reason is that you forbid a young man to meet with friends, then the attitude on their part is quite understandable. But it happens that friends are just jealous or jealous, but it results in attempts to offend, humiliate a girl. “True friends will never allow this, and if this happens, the man will certainly notice and he will talk with them,” Nikita Lozin said. “If this does not happen, you should tell him that you are uncomfortable in the company of his friends for certain reasons, ask him for advice, help.”

Often in such a situation a man understands that people who allow themselves to insult his girlfriend can hardly be considered friends. If he prefers to blame all the blame on his second half, then it makes sense to think: do you need such a man? 

Third wheel
What if you do not have a relationship with your lover's friends?To survive an unfulfilled relationship with a young man’s friends can be without special losses. Where it is more difficult to do this, if the relationship, on the contrary, is too close, and the friend secretly begins to provide signs of attention. The first reaction is fear: if you tell everything, a young person may not believe, because this is his friend, whom he trusts as himself. And this fear often has grounds. “First you need to talk with the friend himself, ask why he is doing it,” advises Tatyana Koroleva. – But do not forget that in any game two are always to blame, it’s possible that you yourself provoked this interest. You need to understand yourself and think about the reason. Perhaps this is a signal that you do not like the existing relationship. ” But the reason for this attention is not always provocation.

According to Nikita Lyozin, a woman can not walk all her life in a veil and remain silent, so it may very well be that she will like her friend’s friend. “But if this is a real friendship, a friend, most likely, will not talk about his love, he will not give himself away. 

If he starts to frankly pester, most likely, it is a question of banal lust. ” In this case, Nikita Leonidovich recommends directly telling all about his partner, aware that friendship is likely to come to an end.

Acquaintance with friends of a loved one does not oblige you to constantly communicate with them and especially to friendship. It generally does not oblige to anything, but if you want to learn more about the interests of your second half, see it from different angles, communication with its friends can be very useful, and often very enjoyable. If the relationship does not work out, try to avoid an open conflict and compromise. Liked it will definitely appreciate it. 

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