It’s nice when a new dress is praised at work, even if the chief compliments him. The invitation to have supper from a colleague can be pleasant if the colleague is a nice young man, and you are a lonely girl.
But when, winking ambiguously, you are invited to “breakfast” an elderly boss or a married employee, it starts to strain and even frighten. What to do if you value work, and offers of non-business cooperation become too frequent, the correspondent of SE explained.
The term sexual harassment sounds menacing and refers to sexual harassment in the workplace. Abroad, a woman can long ago blame a man who paid for dinner, in violation of civil rights, we are still easier: we like compliments, and do not take offense at flowers.
Flirtation is a necessary condition for the normal coexistence of heterogeneous individuals in one territory. “Sexual aura is always present, wherever a man and woman meet. A good leader needs to build a business in such a way that this aura does not interfere with the work, “says Yevgeny Alexandrov, director of the Center for Psychological Medicine” Amaltea “. Flirting can be very successfully used in career growth (not to be confused with the “gray cardinal” described below).
Who falls into the trap of freelance relationships?
The type of behavior when a woman openly demonstrates her sexuality is the lot of a few, and the reasons can be different – from compensation of self-doubt to the written “I want sex” on the face. Problems with self-esteem in one direction or another often provoke unnatural behavior.
2. Search engine
If a woman wears a short skirt, showing her slender legs, this does not mean that she wants every man in the company. “But this means that she is in the search field of a partner – somewhere for flirting, somewhere for pestering, and somewhere already a spouse,” – says the head of the Academic Psychosomatic Center Varvara Leschinskaya about deep motivation. Such a flirtation is always subconsciously encouraged by mutuality.
There are also faint girls, who nevertheless attract unhealthy attention. This is the so-called type of victim, it attracts no more than 2% of men, but women who have been repeatedly subjected to violence most often refer to it and need a serious psychological correction.
4. The Gray Cardinal
Lack of time prevents many men from seeking a partner on the side. Because they recruit women of a certain type: who, often subconsciously, perceive such relationships as an acceptable way to climb the career ladder and have secret power. The manager finds an absolutely faithful person, and the woman “rules the team”. Such models often destroy business, because they are built on the false illusion of fidelity.
The essence of the mechanism of any molestation is well described by such an anecdote:
If the military says “yes”, it means “yes. ”If he says no, it means no. If the military says “maybe” – this is not military.
If the diplomat says “yes”, then it means “maybe. ”If the diplomat says “maybe”, then it means “no. ”If the diplomat says “no” – this is not a diplomat.
If a girl says “no”, then it means “maybe. ”If she says “maybe”, then this is “yes”. If a girl says “yes” – this is not a girl.
A woman always has a wider emotional range, and a man has a sexual reaction only if he receives an incentive from a woman. For any woman it’s normal and natural to send such signals, but many do not know how to stop in time, and men take it for granted. And knowing what the girl means by “maybe”, are persistent in achieving the goal.
How to deal with this?
The most important thing is a direct conversation. It must be made clear that “no” is not. In most cases it helps – that’s just often the lady herself does not know what she wants, but the man does not even know. Often he reduces it to a joke, and after a while everything repeats itself. If you refuse, it is important to emphasize that a man is a good “male”, a pleasant interlocutor and, most importantly, an excellent person with whom you need to work. Work – you need to rotate the vector of mutual contacts. According to Varvara Leshchinskaya, a woman has a lot of opportunities to turn even rough sticking into normal interaction.
The chain “the sexual signal of a woman – the sexual reaction of a man” must end with an adequate reaction of a woman. In other words, if the adherent, even the leader, behaves aggressively, do not be afraid to use force.
To be afraid of dismissal is not necessary: having run into an adequate reaction, the aggressor’s emotion will come to naught. If an employee or leader values his reputation and place, even if he literally went crazy, wishing you, press on the sick points – in a literal and figurative sense. The emotion of fear is the deepest in the psyche, and it is much stronger than any sexual attraction.
What is interesting: even if you are urged by the boss, even if the situation has become intolerable, he will not fire you if you are a valuable employee. Much more often, manipulations are made when they see the slack and are pressured by it. According to the director of the recruitment agency, who wished to remain anonymous, the most common scheme for harassment is not the “boss-subordinate”, but the so-called linear one: a top manager and, for example, a commercial director. In this case, if it comes to the bosses, he will prefer to leave a more valuable employee.
The method, as in American films, is to put a picture with a young man on the desktop – not at all naive. As well as if an attractive young man meets you on a regular basis: it is important for a single girl to agree with a friend or brother about such things – this prevents not only harassment, but also extra questions.
Law and order
Finally, if all methods do not help and harassment risks becoming violence, the law is on our side. It is necessary to write a written application to the prosecutor’s office.
Evidence in the age of mobile phones is not as difficult to obtain as it seems. Articles 132 and 133 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation on compulsions to sexual acts and violent acts of a sexual nature are prescribed in the law, and they work.
According to the honorary lawyer of the Russian Federation Danila Shiryaeva (the lawyers office of Filatov, Shiryaev and Ozornov), if a criminal case is instituted, it can not be closed, and our criminal system is so designed to punish that if the flywheels twist, the conviction is very likely . And the mere fact that the woman brought her case to court by her activity is already critical for harassment.
However, as noted both personnel officers and psychologists, the majority of women who find themselves in a similar situation, even if they are offered help (up to a lawyer), prefer to sit out, and then take offense at a “broken career” or take an honest invitation honestly. Having found out once unequivocal views of colleagues, think that you have missed. After all, the reason in most cases lies in the woman herself, although it is embarrassing to admit it.