Wedding after pregnancy threatens serious problems in relationships

When a girl declares her intention to get married, there must be a kind soul who will whisper: “She flew, probably, that’s why she is in such a hurry.” In the great and mighty Russian language full of unpleasant words, “zalet” – one of them.

There is in him some disdain and a desire to convict a girl of shameful sin. Nevertheless, these days the attitude towards such marriages is becoming more and more loyal, and weddings with a pregnant bride are not uncommon.The child becomes an excellent reason to go to the registry office and legalize the relationship.

True, psychologists are wary of such marriages. Whether there is a difference when to go to the registry office – before or after the onset of pregnancy, and what problems can arise in marriage “on the fly,” learned the correspondent of SHE.

Weep, envious persons, – prejudices recede into the background. Today, more and more girls are getting married pregnant. Going to the wedding salon, you can from the doorstep to declare your position – there are even special collections of dresses for pregnant women.

According to the therapist Maxim Zagoruiko, the increase in the number of weddings “in the situation” has its own reasons.

• The first is related to the increase in the number of civil marriages (we all know perfectly well about the confusion in terms, but even the confused term sounds more pleasant than “cohabitation”). The number of people who want to try, what the marriage is like, every year it becomes more. Absence of obligations looks attractive, so no one is in a hurry to give up their status as a “free person”. Pregnancy in this case becomes an occasion to play a wedding.
• The second reason, according to the therapist, is an earlier sexual life: “It’s difficult for young people to take responsibility for sex seriously, sometimes they forget that” there are children from sex “, they think” maybe it will carry “, they often simply do not know how to protect themselves “.
• The third reason is an increase in the number of psychologically immature men who grew up without a father. “Such a man can meet a woman for a long time, but be afraid to marry.

An active, emancipated woman (who also becomes more) easily tempts to marry him to herself with the help of an “accidental” pregnancy, “explains Maxim Zagoruiko.

Of course, the situation when a couple is planning a wedding and suddenly happy to know about pregnancy, is somewhat different from the one when a woman deliberately “accidentally flies” to keep a man. But in both cases, there are pitfalls, experts say.

Manipulate this 

Alexander and Larissa together for a year and a half. After an unsuccessful first marriage, Alexander does not hurry to enter the second – to Larisa’s great displeasure. To keep her man, Larissa resorts to cunning. The lack of a clear contraceptive scheme is only for her, resulting in an accidental pregnancy. The future father frowns and suggests an abortion, but after much reflection and bitter female tears agrees to marry. 

Question: What does Alexander and Larissa expect in the future?

Do not play down the mental abilities of men, and intuition is not only feminine. And the realization that you are manipulated in an unscrupulous manner will not cause anything but indignation. “A woman creates a trap, into which she herself gets along with the child. Such relationships have nothing to do with love. A man feels that he is being used, so there will not be healthy marital relations in such a family, “Natalia Gerasimova, a psychologist at the Gloris Center, is sure.

If a man does not want to marry you, then you do not like him, the birth of a child is unlikely to change it. “This is equivalent to the following: when a leak in the bathroom is detected, try to dry the puddle with a hair dryer, without repairing the pipes. Maybe, and it will turn out to dry for a while, but then again will come running. In addition, for a hair dryer this is a big load, it can not stand, “Maxim Zagoruiko summarizes.

Reason for marriage 

Marina and Sergei – happy students, live together for two years and dream of own apartment. They see the wedding in the distant future – too young, too poor. The news of pregnancy is taken by surprise – it is necessary to make serious changes in the plans. Nevertheless, there is no question of abortion, and they decide to register a marriage.

Question: What does Marina and Sergei expect in the future?

Let’s drop the arguments about the housing issue and material well-being – history knows cases when beautiful people grew up in communal apartments among toys sewn by grandmother. It would seem that the scenario described above against the backdrop of manipulation looks innocent. But even here specialists see a negative outcome.

“I think this is not a good reason to legitimize relations,” Maxim Zagoruiko believes.

– If the parents “sign” only after the birth of the child, most likely this means that they are compelled to do this, they are not ripe enough to make a decision to legitimize their relationship for the sake of each other. “

In the opinion of the therapist, it is better to still adhere to the traditional order – first to legalize the relationship, and then to knowingly give birth to the child. In this case, the parents are completely ready for the appearance of the baby and are looking forward to it.

Forecast for the future

Marriages, concluded solely by reason of pregnancy, are among the shortest, the psychologists say. And it’s not just the subconscious desire of a man to escape from “places of deprivation of liberty.” Oil to the fire can pour the relatives of her husband, especially his mother, who knows perfectly well how the “accidental” pregnancy occurs. But most importantly, it affects the child, who, being helpless, is forced to help keep the family. “A child in such a family unconsciously feels like he has to do something, he experiences constant guilt. This leaves an imprint on his entire future life – there are psychosomatic illnesses and difficulties in behavior, “- says Natalia Gerasimova.

Favorable result, according to Maxim Zagoruiko, is possible only if a man really loves a woman (and would marry her without additional reason), the parents of the man are well treated with the future relative and the financial situation of the couple is stable and favorable. “It’s foolish to try to marry a man to yourself, if you do not have anything to live for, in the hope that after the birth of your child he will come to his senses and start earning money,” adds the therapist.

In their reasoning, women often use the argument “a child needs a father” – this is wickedness, experts say.

“The father has a child and so it is, you do not need to get married. Get married to have a husband, “-

says Maxim Zagoruiko. The colleague is supported by Natalia Gerasimova: “In modern society there are examples of other behavior when a man does not marry a woman, but at the same time takes a parental role, helping in the upbringing and provision of the child. This also has its negative aspects, but it’s better than a family in which people do not like each other, but are simply confused. “

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