In our time to have as many children as God sent, not everyone can afford it. Problems with health, finances or a potential father are forced to confine oneself to an only child.
Some believe that such children are lucky, because both parental love, and money is abundantly spent on a beloved son or daughter. Others believe that without brothers and sisters the child is guaranteed to grow selfish.What consequences the absence of brothers and sisters entails, the correspondent of SE recognized.
Financial problems prevent families from having several children, which adversely affects the development of a single child
One is better
Many girls, having graduated from high school, declare that they want at least three children. However, over time, their appetites become more moderate. According to the psychologist of the Novosibirsk perinatal center Tatiana Skritskaya, every person has an idea of what kind of family he would like to have: “As long as the family does not exist, the ideal option is considered, when the family is created, age, financial position, and career attitude are already taken into account.” Most often, parents stop the financial question and fear that children will not receive any benefits.
But there are many examples where large families were happy with a modest budget. However, the financial issue can become a serious obstacle in solving psychological problems that are not directly related to it. “In order for the family to have a decent financial level, very few families can afford to be kept only by the pope, “explains the family psychologist Anna Berdnikova.
And then a serious women’s question arises: how long it takes to devote one’s career and how much to a child. When there are two children, this question becomes even more acute. ”
Psychologists note higher intellectual abilities in single children in the family. According to the research, their school successes and the intelligence ratio are generally higher than those of peers who have brothers and sisters. “This is due to the fact that the child is given a lot of attention, they are engaged in, they try to satisfy all interests and needs, including intellectual ones,” explains Tatiana Skritskaya.
Communication with parents is also reflected in the development of speech. “The child in this case, almost 100% of his time is in contact with adults, accordingly he has more developed vocabulary, grammatical structure of speech. In addition, this child is successful in establishing contact with adults, “- says Anna Berdnikova.
Barrel of tar
According to psychologists, the shortcomings of the development of a child without brothers and sisters outweigh its virtues. According to research, children who grew up without brothers and sisters, it is more difficult to communicate with peers. Children who grew up in families with several children are much better able to get along with their own kind, find compromises and express their feelings.
“The only children, as a rule, get on better with peers – even if they go to kindergarten early,” Tatyana Skritskaya said. – This can be corrected if the family has cousins, sisters, nephews of a close age. Then with their help the child acquires the experience of communication. ” In addition, the only child in the family is more difficult to take into account the peer factor. “When an adult plays with a child, he is always more attentive, more responsive to the interests of the child,” explains Anna Berdnikova. – When two children play,
Many parents recall their endless children’s fights and arguments with their brothers and sisters. On the one hand, I want to protect the child from this, on the other – such a struggle is beneficial. According to Tatiana Skritskaya, at an early age rivalry is perceived as quite natural: “A child compares himself not only with parents who can and can do everything, but also with children, while realizing that against their backdrop he is not so bad. Comparing himself with his parents, even the most unpretentious, the child realizes that he can not do anything. ” In the future, it will be hard to survive the rivalry – the desire to be first will be high, but the stress resistance will be lower.
Perhaps, it is in selfishness most often accuse those who grew up in the family alone. According to Anna Berdnikova, the reasons, reasons and opportunities to grow up as an egoist in a single child are indeed greater. But this is possible only if the parents are afraid of starting a second child out of fear of repeating their story from childhood:
“They want the child to be the most beloved, and they are afraid that if there are more children, they will not be able to adequately distribute their attention and love. In families where parents try to feed a child with what they themselves lacked in childhood, there are more opportunities to grow up as an egoist. “
With an adequate expression of love from parents, the child does not need to demand love in the form of things, services or increased attention.
Making significant contributions, I want to get the appropriate return. Parents who have devoted their lives to a child often expect from it to meet their expectations. “If there are several children, then, as a rule, one child is associated with the expectations of the mother, the other – with the expectations of the pope, and when one – everyone has their own expectations of what he will be. Unfortunately, we, adults, do not always have enough level of self-awareness to consider the child and understand what he and what he needs, and not us from him, “- notes Anna Berdnikova.
Despite the above disadvantages, the way a child grows up largely depends not on the number of family members, but on the atmosphere that reigns in it. “It should be borne in mind that the main roles in the family are occupied by parents, and the child acts as a slave,” says Tatiana Skritskaya. “Norms and rules should be established by parents, and the child must take into account their interests.” “It is important to listen to the child himself, without thinking up for him what he wants, more reasonably and respectfully interested in his opinion,” Anna Berdnikova said.