You know that he eats sandwiches without butter, and dumplings with bread. You know what color his pants are (you bought them yourself). For several years of living together you have already learned what position he prefers during sex and on what side he turns over after. And somehow it becomes melancholy again and again to re-read the same book, the story and the ending of which you can already retell with your eyes closed.
This can happen for various reasons. First, adaptation is an extremely powerful mechanism, through which a person gets used to the surrounding conditions. And if at first, when we go into the river, we are covered with goose-pimples, then in five minutes we forget about the scalding cold and shout to those who are ashore that the water is warm.
Secondly, sometimes we become hostages to a bad habit – taking love and caring for a partner as a matter of course. It seems that the object will always be near, with a gift, a new anecdote and a kiss before going to bed.
And we turn our heads in search of something fresh and interesting (work, hobbies, friends), throwing to the mercy of fate feelings and relationships within the family. As a result, the birthday present is not enough, the jokes begin to irritate, and the kiss looks pathetic before going to bed.
If you want big and pure love, if you are tired of your relationship being dragged on autopilot, it’s time to act. You can go on a trip together – it’s true, it’s not always possible. You can write a love letter and make a fabulous dinner, but your spouse can suspect something amiss and strain. And you can just invite him to play a little. Psychologists have developed a series of exercises for two – they will help restore romance and understanding in your relationship.
“Do not forget to take out the garbage!”
However, these phrases are difficult to call a conversation. Someone listens, but does not hear, someone criticizes and interrupts. In some families they communicate through monologues. In order to better understand and learn to listen to each other, to find out what your spouse is now, and not what was during your first meeting, psychologists recommend the following exercise.
Divide the roles of the Listener and the Orator. For the first time, take the liberty of being a Listener. The speaker has exactly 30 minutes, during which he must speak. You can talk only about yourself – not about your relationship, not about the claims to the Listener, but about yourself. Feelings, desires, dreams, thoughts after watching a movie or reading a book, stories about friends and about work, about your own merits and demerits, achievements and failures – in short, everything that Orator wants.
You can not: interrupt and comment. You can: listen carefully, smile and nod.Discuss this can be done only after 24 hours, preferably not more than 10 minutes. According to psychologists, this is a way to learn to cope with sudden urges to speak out or criticize, which so negatively affect the flame of love.
And the listener’s comments must necessarily be positive – no bitterness and insults. Believe me, you will learn a lot about the partner. This exercise should be done once a week for a month. In 30 days you will communicate quite differently.
Exercise 2. Day of desire
Very often, we overestimate our own strengths and demand too much from a partner. Well, tell me, how could he offer a walk together, when he did not know that you are passionate about it? The most important mistake is those things that make you happy, and those that please a partner are not always the same. Therefore, a romantic supper by candlelight, he can prefer football, than deeply wound you in the heart. Therefore, you do not want to invite his rude friends.
Next month, once a week, you arrange the Day of Desires in turn. On this day, you ask to do something that makes you happy and makes you happy (within reasonable limits, of course) – for example, buy ice cream on the way home, do a massage or watch your favorite movie for the third time.
The point is that you learn to communicate your desires to the partner, and not expect miracles of telepathy from him. Be attentive to what your partner is asking. His true needs and desires may differ from those you invented.
Exercise 3. The King and Queen of Sex
At the initial stage of the relationship, you study the body of the partner with great interest – in order to rekindle the fire of passion. However, at some point you understand that everything is already known, and calmly maintain an even flame of sex. Bring the flaming fire of passion into your bed.
The rules are about the same as in the exercise “Day of Desire”, only the action is transferred to the bedroom.
On a certain day (develop a schedule yourself – it can be every first Sunday of the month or something like that). When you make love, one of you does what your partner wants.
To do this, the King of Sex (meaning your husband) writes on the leaflet a list of his desires for increasing. Joint viewing of erotic films, oral sex, sex games, sex outside the home – everything that comes to mind. If you and your husband do not know what constriction is, it’s wonderful! You can voice your wishes. You choose from a long list one thing and put it into practice until complete satisfaction. Then you can share your impressions, and after a while, repeat the most successful procedures. Next time you become the queen of sex.
Perhaps you will not like it at all, but the fact remains: your relationship will be better if you get rid of romantic illusions and prejudices. Nobody says that relationships can not be romantic for a long time. But I must disappoint you: if you take the whole life together for 100 percent, then 80 percent does not take romance. There are more important urgent questions – for example, how to earn more, so that you live better, where to find a good obstetrician, to take birth, and in the end where to go on vacation. Passion is very exciting and pleasant. But there is a charm in the love that begins when the flow of hormones will subside.