Why does a man leave a woman? Most likely, because he’s a goat.However, whoever he is, the motive of leaving him alone – like all living beings, he (very much) wants happiness. Which he does not have enough.
There is no sense in enumerating the wording of the reasons: “everything is simple, another appeared”, “they used to love each other, and now some quarrels”, “they do not understand me, they restrict freedom” – behind all these phrases, which even in moments of stress give away falsehood, another, which, as a rule, can not be understood neither by the victims, nor by their Aesculapius.
Realizing the doomedness of his attempt, the correspondent of SHE nevertheless tried to reveal the root causes of “goat”, having pushed two ideologies of psychotherapy: classical family psychology and tantrism, which interpret happiness and the reasons for parting differently.
The story of the chair, bolt and nut.So, the goat-man leaves, because he wants happiness. We will try to talk about this with a psychotherapist (although he does not see happiness in his office infrequently).
“To begin with, people often unconsciously choose their partner to compensate for some dissatisfaction from their previous lives, as a result of which a break becomes possible,” says Sergei Zolotarev, a family psychologist with many years of practice. – The one whom they disliked and disliked as a child, chooses a very attentive friend, and then begins to suffer from this, since he is not used to such contacts. The unorganized chooses a partner superdisciplinary, and then will suffer from excessive ordering or completely dissolve. The clamped will choose the frivolous, and then he will not be able to endure it … “.
While Mr. Zolotarev lists a list of antagonist pairs, I’m trying to understand what confuses me in his words. It seems that they are useful, in part I am ready to try them on myself … “Apart from unconscious models, the conscious can also influence the withdrawal,” the psychologist continues. – So, partners may not have the same ideas about the distribution of power and responsibilities in the family. Misunderstandings of expectations can also be realized.
The person leaves, because he did not receive something, because his expectations were not justified.
Expectations and the desire to receive something are basic in a relationship. After all, any love is based on mutual exchange. I choose the one who can give something to me, and the partner acts in the same way. ”
It is obvious that the scheme that Sergei Zolotarev proposes is rather one-sided. A man and a woman are bolt and nut in a cheap chair (self-assembly from IKEA), the thread may be too coarse or, conversely, stained. The goal of the therapist is to help the pair to tighten the bolts (to realize the state of the carving), so that the chair will serve for some time. And at the same time, it is not the task of the psychologist to assess the chair itself, that is, to make an opinion on the correctness of the worldview of partners.
The story of the ocean of milk with honey.
Evaluate chairs, usually people associated with spiritual practices. Their opinions can irritate the claim to absolute truth, but the very fact of trying to go beyond the “nuts and bolts” and look at the problem of parting more deeply causes interest. This explains the fact that the correspondent of SHE decided to continue the conversation about the goats with Peter Ostrikov, the leading tantra coach (mix of body-oriented psychotherapy, yoga, Hindu tantra, etc.). His view, as expected, differs from the traditional one.
The man’s departure is not due to what the man expected and did not receive, but because he lived on the principle of “expect and receive.”
Petr Ostrikov believes that this principle, imposed by society, first leads to a comfortable and pleasant person. However, soon he becomes closely in prison of his own “I”. Trying to escape, he is forced to chase to “get” a new partner, new impressions, but in the end remains alone with himself.
The man tries to find the best friend – sexier, more beautiful, – feeding the illusion that the next woman can be better (give more) than the previous one. In fact, the main task of a man is to create conditions for a woman to discover her nature by presenting herself to herself and opening herself to her. The purpose of any woman is to fill the space with love and warmth, showing full spiritual energy. Implementation occurs only when the woman calms down and understands that the man has made his choice, that he can be trusted.
“Any woman can open up,” says Peter Ostrikov, and turns to poetry. – Everyone who fell into the heart of a loving woman, will not forget this feeling. It is like a warm ocean, milk and honey spreading everywhere. ”
According to the tantrist, the man leaves or if he could not (did not want to) open the girl’s cardiac space (as a rule, fearing responsibility), or if, under the influence of fears and social stereotypes, she did not want to reveal it to him. “At the same time, both men and women are afraid to immerse themselves in the space of love,” Mr. Ostrikov believes. “And this is understandable: for the ego there is complete discredit, a step into another world, because all the usual ego-values like” to fight and win “,” to be the first “,” to be a leader “are here in the forest.”
The correspondent of SHE does not dare to join any of the presented points of view. Psychologist Sergei Zolotarev is deprived of the honey-milk ocean, and Peter Ostrikov is not so skilled in analyzing nuts and bolts. Why does a man leave a woman? Most likely, because he’s a goat. And maybe because she’s a fool.