Black, gray, white?
Envy – a sense of disappointment, caused by well-being, the success of another, – explains Ozhegov’s dictionary. In this case, the annoyance, according to the national classification, is divided into bad and good, or, according to the color, the black and white. At the same time, white envy, rather, is not like envy: if we sincerely rejoice for a person, then it is difficult to call this annoyance. “If a person says to another:” How I envy you “, and means” How I’m glad “, then it’s not really envy, but admiration and the desire to be like the other, so you can not call envy,” says the psychologist, the director of the training Center “Psychology of Relations” Alena Berdnik.
And now remember, when was the last time you were sincerely happy about other people’s successes? And what envied? Unfortunately, many people can only rejoice at successes of relatives – where God himself told. But the list of things we crave to possess, and people who are jealous or once envied, usually formed faster and easier. In addition, you will find one phenomenon: it is more convenient to envy a girl’s new dress and a modest increase in a colleague than the wealth of the director of a knitting factory.
The less distance between us and the object of envy, the brighter and sharper it manifests. In other words, the more general we can find with him, the stronger we envy.
“Many people have a certain picture of the world in which they live and can not go beyond it. A person can envy only what is in his field of vision, “says Alena Berdnik. The whole question is in the priorities: that’s why one envies an attractive appearance, and the other – to the mind and talents. True, today people usually envy money.
“Envy is a socially oriented feeling. What is considered a value in society is envied. If our society were, for example, spiritually oriented, as in Tibet, we would envy spiritual benefits, “comments the director of the” Trans “psychotherapy center Oleg Hristo.
Everyone envies, but some more often: especially if a person is not able to take responsibility for his life and looks around too often in search of the guilty. “In psychology, there is the notion of” locus of control. ” People with an external locus of control tend to explain the consequences of their actions by the influence of circumstances. The opposite type is those who realize that everything that happens with them is the result of their own actions, “explains Alena Alekseevna. The position “I have nothing, because it does not depend on me” is very beneficial for inaction. But not for health – “offended and oppressed” and get sick more often: psychosomatics of envy is mainly manifested in diseases of the food tract. Remember at least the meaning of the expression “bilious person.”
Envious – it is also a person with low self-esteem: he constantly looks around, trying to find an explanation for his passivity and seeking out the faults of others, in order to appear stronger.
It is a mistake to think that envy drives feats. To perform the feat, you need a good example before your eyes and confidence in your abilities.
Now a few tips from experts on how to stop jealous:
• Learn the “here and now” exercise – at every moment you must be aware of all the colors of your life, not living a life in dreams of the future and regrets about the past. Remember, as, for example, in a hike – in the heat or heat – you felt much happier than the well-fed and sitting at the TV acquaintances.
• Stop comparing yourself to others. “You can only compare yourself … with yourself in the past.” And to plan how to improve ourselves in the future, “says Alena Berdnik, citing a personal example:” I can never write like Fromm, but I’m happy that thanks to the knowledge gained from his books, I can today To help people”.
• Take responsibility for what happens in your life. This can be very difficult, but after going through a difficult period of adaptation, you will finally feel the joyous power to fulfill your desires. The energy that is spent today for your envy, freed, will give many pleasant discoveries.
And again: what to do if you are not jealous of you, and you? The advice – not to pay attention to attacks – is more likely for men, but not for women: we are too emotional. Here the Christian advice succesfully approaches: the envious person needs to regret about himself, thus you will free yourself from the negativity directed towards you. However, if the jealousy went beyond thoughts and envious started putting spokes in your wheel, it does not mean that we should “turn the other cheek.” Envy must be reacted if other people’s actions can harm you. And this is precisely the moment when fear and thought do not belong to the idea that aggression is unacceptable. Envy is a destructive feeling, and if a person can not get rid of it, you have absolutely no need to suffer from it.