May 25, 2024

This woman’s account, of using dating apps, for the first time

As a newly-single 30 year old who is fresh into the world of dating apps, I am fast learning some home truths about how difficult this virtual world is to navigate.

I always thought my friends must have been doing something wrong to have been so frequently ghosted after what they reported to be ‘good dates’. Alas, I was so wrong, it’s bleak out there.

The last time I was single it was a simpler time (RIP – 2012); Tinder was a mere spark on the horizon, Bumble didn’t exist and people had to poke each other through Facebook to show sexual interest (Or actually talk in a bar).

I was quite excited to start afresh and have this readymade ‘menu’ of potential prospects to peruse at my leisure, sifting out the wheat from the chaff with reckless abandon.

Three months in, I find myself miserably flicking between a collection of short, balding men (so many bald men), topless selfies and men that list ‘banter’ as a hobby.

These are the top ten dating app opening lines to start a memorable conversation with

These are not the men for me. But where are the men for me? Is it impossible to hope to find someone I can gel with and actually fancy at my age?

Here’s how to write a killer dating app bio that will get you SO many more swipes

I really don’t think I am that fussy. I simply want an intelligent tall man with hair, who doesn’t take topless selfies, has other hobbies side from ‘banter’, can spell, doesn’t use emojis in lieu of words and isn’t a creep.

It really does seem like this is too much to ask, and very few have made it through my silent audition process to the date stage.

And this is also not without its challenges.

Things I have learnt so far from dating apps:

1. Some men genuinely think I might be interested in letting them come over to my house (this is without me having met them) to ‘cuddle’ me and think a YouTube link of them auditioning for The Voice in 2015 is appropriate bait to tempt me into this wonderful cuddle fest. It’s a no from me, (potentially murderous) hun.

2. The accent lottery. I never realised how I automatically filtered people in or out in real life by their voice, until my recent foray into dating apps. So much good text chat, appears fit in pictures … really chafing voice/accent = attraction dead.

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3. How f*cking awkward it is to meet someone totally cold. You have no prior drunken meeting or friends in common to use as a conversation topic and you are left to desperately glug at alcohol, kind of grilling them like an army sergeant until you find something to grasp onto.

4. Don’t chat too much before a date, as you build an imaginary picture up in your head of what the person will be like. This is a recipe for a let-down encounter.

A ‘you-turner’ is the new type of serial dater to be wary of, here’s how to spot one…

5. You never know what the other person is feeling. As someone who normally prides themselves on being able to read situations quite well, it really threw me to be phased out by the only person I thought I had a connection with. I really thought the night went positively – he was interesting, conversation flowed, loads in common … I received a few meagre texts over the next few days but I knew it wasn’t the same as before and he hadn’t initiated another meeting after a week, so I had to take that as my sign he wasn’t interested. Brutal.

Anyway, onwards I persevere to try and find my unicorn. I just need one!

These are the top ten dating app opening lines to start a memorable conversation with

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