These life hacks for sociopaths are brilliant yet so, so wrong

“Trying to find your perfect partner? Just tell the police someone robbed you, and when they ask for a description just describe exactly the sort of person you find most attractive – they’ll get a bunch of them in a line up for you!”

“If you’re a guy and your wife/girlfriend is super mad at you for something you didn’t know you did, go through the kitchen and tighten up every jar lid in the house.”

“If your college website uses ‘TurnItIn’ to check for plagiarism, simply add “quotes” at the beginning and end of your entire paper in white font and it will interpret this as one long citation, giving you a 0% match.”

“Trying to get a guy/girl’s phone number but they don’t want to talk to you? Crash into their car. Then you’ll be legally required to exchange contact information.”

“If you’re bothered by a person in a movie theater who is on their cellphone, go tell a staff member you saw that person recording the movie on their phone.”

“Don’t ask your girl where she wants to eat. Instead, tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to the first guess.”

“send your significant other flowers to work with just a ‘for my special lady’ note written on it. If she doesnt bring them home from work shes cheating”

“If you’re in the middle of an intense argument or if someone is yelling directly in your face, respond with “FIRST OF ALL, BRUSH YOUR TEETH”. It’ll absolutely destroy their self confidence and you’ll win the argument/fight by default.”

“Need some money? Over the legal alcohol purchasing age? Go to a high school party and offer to buy booze. Collect money from all the kids and never come back.”

“Save your dead light bulbs; whenever you are at a hotel, swap your bulbs for your room’s bulbs.”

“If there is someone doing work inside of your house (builder, electrician, etc.), offer them a drink, and then put adderall in it to make them work faster.”

“If a relative keeps asking you about having kids, lie that the wife is pregnant. A few months later, tell them there was a miscarriage so they’ll feel uncomfortable bringing up the subject again.”

“if you’re picking up friends or coworkers for a carpool move your seat back to where you are comfortable, then back a little more before you pick them up. Then move it up when they get in.”

“Buy an item at an electronics store. Open it. Return said item. Check back in a day to see if it’s on the ‘open box’ table. Buy it again, this time for 30% off.”

“Working the last shift at a restaurant? Have a friend call in an order for pickup and not show up, then just take your free food home.”

“Ask for half of X meat, and half of Y meat at Chipotle for free double meat. Most of the time they won’t actually measure out scoops and just give you full scoops of both. Only time this seems to not work is if the employee is new and hasn’t realized they don’t get paid enough to care.”

“When robbing a store or someone apply temporary tattoos ahead of time. The cops will ask for visual identifiers of the criminal which will mean they will look for someone with the ‘star tattoo on his right hand.’”

“You can win any argument against digitally illiterate people by setting up a fake website that proves your point.”

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