While women suffer from a shortage of men, the latter do not rush to become someone’s prey – they are already so good. A modern bachelor is no longer a shaggy peasant in an unshielded shirt with a jar of soup from his mother (although such are found), but a man of decent appearance and, if lucky, with an interesting inner world.
He bears before himself the banner of freedom, the parting with which in his plans does not enter. What awaits a woman who has encroached on the most important thing in the life of a freedom-loving person, and whether it is possible to build a family with him, SHE correspondent learned.
The mustaches themselves
Not the most stupid person Benjamin Franklin said that a bachelor is a creature unfinished, similar to a half of scissors. In everyday life the scissors are an irreplaceable thing, but what to do with a half is not clear. As experts note, there are more such halves. This is due to the fact that people are beginning to realize their true needs, and if earlier the number of ways to meet them was similar to the choice of products in the village, now this is a huge hypermarket where everyone will find something to do. “Previously, an unmarried man, according to social norms, was a man who is not chosen, later the stereotype began to collapse, but the men did it quietly – evading the creation of a family.
And now there is a category of really independent, strong men who perfectly receive all the pleasures they need without marrying, “
says psychologist Alena Sagadeeva. In an unmarried man, they stopped seeing defective goods, which no one takes – and it does not look defective. Representatives of a new generation of bachelors puzzled women with a direct statement: “Do not count for more, I do not want to marry.” Frankness in the forehead causes curiosity and misunderstanding. Of course, it is much more understandable when, after a couple of years of relations, he begins to mumble and wag: “Perhaps, we will wait?”, “I am not yet ready for such a serious step.” We already heard it, we read it at the forum, our friends told us. And here is really half of the scissors, an amusing thing, it’s a shame to throw it away, but it’s impossible to use it for its intended purpose.
Where I want – there I’m treating the
reasons why such men do not want to part with their freedom, very much. At everyone the, and even a little. “Someone is not lucky in love, but without a vivid feeling they do not want to marry, someone” was lucky “to fall in love forever and into one – and with it did not work out. Someone timid with women and has no success because of their nature, – lists the possible causes of the psychologist Arina Podchasov.
– Someone wants to marry only the “queen”, and he himself does not pull on the king for any indicators – the ambitions of such guys are failing. “
Some people get used to living, not caring about anyone, like a crow enchanted in a cartoon saying: “Freedom! Freedom! Where I want – I fly there! “. Most lonely (although they insist on the term “free”), men are marked by a painful mistrust of a woman. This applies to the bachelors of the “secondary” who married by stupidity and all the “delights” of marriage, and “primary”, who did not even try, because they do not trust and fear.
Those who still sometimes think about getting married can lose interest by looking at the families of their potential wives. “It is also known that if a person deliberately did not understand his own family scenarios, he will simply repeat the scenario in which he lived. Some men try to raise themselves women, educate them, but nothing happens. And this lottery has ceased to be interesting for them, “- says Alena Sagadeeva. According to her, any woman by nature is focused on relationships – like it or not, she admits it or does not recognize it, but she hopes to meet her man in order to organize a couple with him. A modern man does have everything without this painful choice. He stopped rushing headlong into an amorous relationship, learning to interact with women without associating their fate with them.
The thirst for freedom
“I want to be free” – no, this is not the cry of a desperate prisoner, this is the statement of men who part with their wives or do everything to not meet with them. Marriage and freedom are often perceived as antonyms, two points that never come together. “When a man is alone, he has all the possible ways to develop, he is not limited. When he has a wife, he is in the position of duty, he chooses it, but this is a completely different direction of development, “explains Alain Sagadeeva, a man’s fear of parting with his freedom.
But often, if you drop beautiful words and abstract concepts, it turns out that freedom in everyday life is quite specific.
“To be alone, to be free for what?” What will he do every day with this freedom and abstract “I can”? Beer to drink when you like?
curious Arina Podchasov. – Do any of your bachelor acquaintances have any mission, a matter that requires the full concentration and absence of the family as a burdening factor? It’s just that they can not solve this vital task: to create a family with someone. It does not work, that’s all. And all talk about freedom – a screen that covers the pain of the soul. ”
On the other hand, in the men’s fear of the lack of freedom in marriage, the women themselves can be to blame. “There is such a mistake, very common among women, they are afraid of the freedom of men. If a man is free – it’s scary. And this is not entirely correct, says Mrs. Sagadeeva. “In fact, freedom in marriage is lost because of wrongly built relationships and wrongly selected women.”
If I want to?
Is it worth trying to build a lasting relationship with a man who openly claims that he will not get married? Is it worth it to get fire in an ancient way or better to look for a cigarette lighter? If you are interested and you are in no hurry, why not be.
According to Arina Podchasova, the longer a man lives alone, the more problems in the relationship can arise. Most often, they are associated with man’s long-standing habits and self-cherished egoism, which is hard to refuse to an adult: “They do not have the skills of family life, they are easy to acquire in their youth, but in time they are more and more difficult to learn – it is difficult to teach an old dog new tricks, it’s hard to stop think only for yourself. ”
According to Alena Sagadeeva, such attempts are a path to nowhere, and if your goals do not coincide, one should not persist: “Only men who have already put all their experiments into their hearts get married and already know exactly what they want and what woman to him you need – so little. And the rest, who are in search, as a whole correctly do that they do not marry. “