Bisexuality (Latin bis – twice, sexus – sex), according to the dictionary of psychiatric terms, the presence of sexual attraction to people of both sexes. However, there is still no clear definition that satisfies all stakeholders. Is a woman’s sex with a woman bisexual? And the desire for sex with a woman? And if this woman is 10 years old as married? Someone quite has enough sexual fantasies, to someone this is not enough, and they go further, others suppress in themselves and hide from their surrounding “abnormal” interest. That is why the statistical data on the number of bisexuals in our society differ at times.
The father of sexology, Alfred Kinsey, argued that in most people, sexuality is changeable, and confirmed it in numbers. In his view, 15% of women are bisexual.
According to the latest foreign study, 11.5% of women between the ages of 18 and 44 admitted that they had at least one sexual experience with another woman.
Paul Joanidis, author of The Sex Bible, suggests forgetting about the numbers and using the old definition, at one end of which there will be heterosexuals, and on the other – homosexuals. This definition is similar to weights, where the preponderance of homosexuality will mean weakening of heterosexuality, and vice versa.
Given from birth?
Probably, disputes about innate features of boys and girls who since the childhood were “not such as all” will soon cease. A lot of books have been written about the influence of biological factors on sexual orientation, but bisexual nature, laid by nature (the presence of X chromosomes in representatives of both sexes), is difficult to equate to external factors that a person will face as he grows up. “In some families, parents strongly suppress any manifestation of sexuality – both own and children,” explains Igor Lyakh, head of the psychotherapeutic department of the Insight clinic. – As a result, the sexual “I” of the child is either absent altogether, or does not have a clear gender identity.
Often such children become unisexual, but hiding it, they behave like bisexuals, responding to the desires of partners of different sexes. ” According to the therapist, in some people the sexual “I” is still manifested, but because of the problems of education they can not decide and from time to time try relationships with partners of different sex.
Not gonna get us
“A woman can say that in her fantasies she is engaged in oral sex with another woman,” they write in the “Bible of Sex.” “But we still consider her heterosexual as long as she has a friend.”
But if the guy says that he is engaged in oral sex with another guy, then we cease to consider him heterosexual, despite the fact that he has a wife and six children. “
“It is believed behind the scenes that a man should be a man: to be able to stand up for himself and for his woman, to earn, to go up the career ladder. Men are initially presented with stricter social requirements than women, – says Igor Lyakh. “Therefore, when a man refuses the image of a hero and shows homosexual tendencies, society is much less tolerant of him than a woman with the same inclinations.”
Causes of “female love”
As for increasing the number of bisexuals, Igor Lyakh identifies two reasons for this phenomenon. The first is an increase in mental abnormalities due to the stresses typical of large cities. This includes aggression and a decrease in tolerance to man. The second is the advertisement of this way of life, the victims of which most often become teenagers. Girls kissing each other on the lips at a meeting, trying to stand out and thereby attract the attention of the opposite sex. In addition, the safety factor of homosexual contact plays, while the presence of sexual intercourse creates the illusion of maturity.
If the thirst of the female body is overtaken by a woman not in a tender adolescent age, but in an adult, the reason may be banal dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs.
“If a woman is looking for satisfaction in the arms of a woman,” says Alexander Fedchuk, psychoanalyst at the Center for Practical Psychology “Satori”, “we can assume that she can not get satisfaction in communicating with a man. Otherwise, why should a woman in general look for something else? “
Unlike Freud’s patients suffering from sexual dissatisfaction, modern women have a choice, continues Alexander Fedchuk: “Business activity becomes an acceptable sublimation field. It is possible that someone is looking for satisfaction in other ways – for example, trying a relationship with a woman. Why not? ”
In addition, according to Igor Lyakh, the reasons for female bisexuality include disappointment in male partners, when a woman seems to be competing, wanting to prove that she and her women are better; simple curiosity and fear of evaluation of the representatives of the surrounding sex.
Both ours and yours
What if you feel an interest not only in men, but also in women? First of all, do not panic, brand yourself with shame and hang labels. Unlike men, women tend to pay attention to their own kind, compare, admire, adopt something new. Sometimes admiration and the desire to imitate can lead to love. “More often than not, episodes of love are embodied only in masturbation fantasies and the desire to be near, not moving to active sexual activities,” reassures Igor Lyakh. “If this happens, do not think it’s a pathology that will inevitably lead to homosexuality.” But even if the relationship went further than joint trips to the cinema, you should not consider yourself sick or a future lesbian, the psychotherapist assures:
Whether to translate “forbidden” fantasies into life or suppress them in oneself is a very individual matter. To give guarantees about the further consequences and to predict the result no one can. According to Alexander Fedchuk, the new experience can open a new pleasure for the woman, and she will be happy, and may then be forced to suffer with remorse: “In the second case, it will be for her a problem, suffering, then she will seek solutions – herself or with the doctor. But the same can happen when she does not try and decides to suppress this desire. “
If a bisexual is in the circle of your acquaintances, and you do not accept this, try to be more tolerant and treat the situation with humor. The famous director, the king of humor Woody Allen said: “Personally, I’m heterosexual, but bisexuality doubles the chances of going on a date Saturday night.”