He is clean, but he does not know how to cook. He has good taste, but from time to time he walks in creepy senile sweaters. He is polite and diplomatic, but can break in the middle of a meeting and disappear in an unknown direction.
He is loyal and faithful, but someone calls him all the time. He has no bad habits, perhaps, except for one thing – he is too fond of his mother. What is it like to be the mother of a mother’s son and whether an “adult” relationship with such a man is possible, the correspondent of SE explained.
Generally, women like to observe how their potential husband / man shows care and attention to the mother. Men who are in close contact with their mother tend to be more sensitive in their relationships and more attentive to other women. However, a couple of extra calls – and he already migrated to the category of mother’s sons, remembering that you want to wrinkle your nose and tighten your lips.
It should be noted that sometimes a mother’s son is unjustly called a man who has a close, trusting relationship with his mother.
In this there is nothing wrong – a child who grew up in an atmosphere of love and understanding, when the parent is a friend, has a very positive impact in adult life. Problems begin when a man does not want and can not take responsibility, waiting for the usual mechanism to work, and the decision will be made for him.
Natalia, 25 years old: “When we first started dating, I perceived his indecision as a desire to please and please me. Where to go for dinner, what shoes to choose in the store – I decided. He only agreed. But when we began to live together, I realized that this man is not able to make any decision, even the most primitive. “
Women dream of brave movie heroes, personifying strength, will and courage. But as soon as Bruce Willis begins to coordinate each of his actions with his beloved mother, he instantly loses sexuality and brutal color. Well, women like real men – persistent and confident in themselves! And our Little Prince in this template does not fit.
Mom loves peach
It all starts quite harmlessly – his mother is ill, we need to urgently go to the drugstore for medicine. You can even first admire and, having penetrated, offer your help. You will be surprised when you see “Maman” in full health. She just became so depressed and lonely … You look at your chosen one with a question – but no, he nods knowingly and runs after the juice, mother loves peach. You can be patient and do not react to the endless stories about the wonderful abilities of the mother in the field of needlework (“Look at this sweater – Mom herself knitted it! ”) And pedagogy (“All that I have, I owe to my mother! ”).
But as soon as you fall into his bed, being second number does not suit you at all. And then the worst begins. Mom, as an experienced predator, senses danger and begins to fight with you in every possible way: he calls you to the bride, begins to suffer heavily or simply explains to his son that he made an unsuccessful choice. If it calms you, he too suffers. He’s like that monkey from an anecdote, ready to burst.
Alla, 32 years old: “I feel that my husband’s mother is jealous of him to me. He also has an excessive sense of responsibility towards her. Their father dropped them, and he took upon himself the responsibility of looking after his mother and helping with the housework. It is commendable, but sometimes it transcends all boundaries. “
To whom is it convenient?
On the one hand, the patience of the graying man surprises, the broken hour telling the elderly bored mother that he ate today and with whom he communicated. If this man is your husband, over time, the surprise grows into tension, because “your” topics are also on the agenda. On the other hand, it causes a negative: the manipulator mom, who keeps her son on a leash, not allowing her to show determination and independence. There is a reasonable question – is it true that my mother is guilty or is it that it is convenient for a man to live without stress and problems behind a powerful mother’s back?
Most often, the mother “gray cardinal” is lonely – a divorce or an unsuccessful marriage causes her to be disappointed in men, to give up hope for a successful personal life and completely switch to her son. The child is brought up in such a way that my mother would like to see her man. Circle of communication, books, clothes, food – everything goes through careful monitoring. Thanks to this, the woman feels necessary and necessary. To reliably fix this fact in the mind of his son, he is told that for his sake, “Mom spent her whole life” and “refused herself in everything. ”
But as soon as the child becomes an adult, it is in his power to get out from under her mother’s wing, even if she does not want it. In this case, the mother will have to reconcile and find another occupation – for example, to take up at last her personal life or at least her favorite business.
Nevertheless, there are cases when, instead of a difficult age and teenage rebelliousness, the young man chooses the role of an obedient son and sometimes lives in this role for the rest of his life. No one disputes that in childhood the character and values of a person are laid, but if he grew up and realized that they do not like him, it is entirely possible to make adjustments.
You do not recognize him from a thousand
If you have already been burned with your mamma’s son, you are probably looking for indirect signs from new gentlemen. Sorry to upset you, but to see the “eternal son” for a couple of weeks of dating will not succeed. Is that if you get a caricature image that combines all the possible signs. It’s a myth that a man who lives with his mother soul to soul for life, is not able to succeed. Still as it is capable. And not only in his career. Well-educated, sensitive and pleasant in communication, he can enjoy frenzied success with women – who, if not he, knows women?
There is another misconception. They say that mama’s sons are unhappy in their personal lives. Not always. They are very warm, soft and loving.
If the Little Prince is lucky to find a woman-support, powerful and resolute, like his mother, adoration, he immediately transfers to his passion, which helps him to break away from his mother. Psychologists say that weak and weak-willed men are chosen by strong female leaders. Another question – do they want to continue to manage a man and make all the decisions themselves? Some people get bored with it, but some people even like it.
Svetlana, 29 years old: “I know that in my family I am a leader. But it suits me perfectly. Nobody tells me what to do, they always listen to me. I am a strong person, I hold a high position, make a decision for me – it’s a habit. Therefore, if my husband can not do this, I will always come to the rescue. And he will thank me with tenderness and decency. It costs a lot”.
There is hope!
If your man regularly asks for advice from his mother, discusses with her personal and even intimate things, one can not doubt his membership in the category under discussion. By the way, sexologists say that mama’s sisters are starting an intimate life late. The thing is that the partner chooses the partner for them, and it’s not so easy to get her approval.
If your man is a mama’s son, you can live with him too. First, if you are strong and strong-willed, you can take the role of mother. Secondly, if Her Majesty was not dethroned, try to establish contact with her. It will not be easy, but look for a positive. She (about horror! ) Living with you and demonstratively washing the floors? Do not tear the mops out of her hands – rejoice and admire her health and economy. She (thank God! ) Lives separately, but complains of boredom? As Bruce Willis said in Die Hard, “get your dog. ”Give mom a cheerful puppy, then she can love, care and train someone else.
Do not believe your friends who say that the mamen’s sons do not change. Scottish scientists understand this better. There is hope – they say. And what! In their opinion, the brightest, charismatic leaders are – who would you think? – Mama’s sons, who once break away from their mother. To mama’s sons, scientists attribute Lenin, Hitler and Mahatma Gandhi and suggest that these leaders came to power thanks to their mothers.
In general, the most important question to ask yourself: Do you love your man, are you ready to put up with his weaknesses? If the answer is positive, then forget everything about what was read above. And be happy together. You, he and … his mother.