Why do some boys grow up smart, strong, generous men, and others forever remain infantile, weak and cruel? The reason most will be called upbringing, but no mother wants her child bad. Everyone dreams of a wonderful future for him and does everything that is within her power and even beyond.
“Very often, the excessive care, which is surrounded by the boy’s mother, grandmother and aunt, leads to the fact that the child grows dependent, unable to make decisions, simply lazy,
– says the doctor-psychotherapist of the clinic “Insight” Tatyana Koroleva. “Adults do everything for him, and even when the boy wants to do something himself, he is not allowed, because an adult can easily get a toy from the top shelf or close the door.” Suppressing the child is “I myself!”, Parents do not allow to form his firm active life position, leadership qualities that are necessary for a man. But this does not mean that you need to be afraid of caressing the child.
“Tenderness can not be too much, so-called lisping can be superfluous,” said Evgeniya Zhukova, a psychologist at the Pelican Center for Psycho-Pedagogical and Medico-Social Assistance. – Often this happens when parents really wanted a girl, and a boy was born. This leads to the fact that the son grows too pampered, even feminine. ” But you can not go to the other extreme – to deny the child in the caress, in the manifestations of tenderness. Such a boy will feel defenseless, because his mother does not want to help him, repels, and therefore the whole world is against him. “The child will be in the future or be afraid of everything around, or pre-show aggression to everyone around him,” says Tatyana Koroleva.
Boys Do not Cry
In addition to the mandatory presence of the boy’s leadership qualities, there are other unspoken demands that society makes to men: courage, restraint, the ability to stand up for oneself. Many parents take it literally and are trying to educate a child according to stereotypes similar to the fact that boys do not cry. Meanwhile, according to Evgeniya Zhukova, up to three years in the psychology of a boy and a girl there is no difference: at this time the kid takes possession of all the skills and traits inherent in the social personality, learns emotional contact with parents and the surrounding world.
The so-called Spartan upbringing, when a child is forbidden to show his feelings, demands to be hardy, does not react to one’s own and others’ pain, will inevitably lead to future problems in the intimate sphere and in further family life: a man can not talk about what he feels, and will not learn to understand the feelings of others.
“Both mother and father play the same role in the upbringing of the child,” says Evgenia Zhukova. – From mother, the child learns emotional responsiveness, sensuality, and from the pope takes all the masculine qualities: practicality, will power, masculinity. Father, of course, is a boy for authority. ” The pope must keep his word (he promised that on Saturday he will take the child to the circus, that means he leads), do something about the house and teach this son, and do sports with him. “The way a father treats his mother, how he cares about her, even as he gives a coat, shapes the boy’s attitude towards a woman,” Yevgenia Valentinovna is sure. “The son will build his relationships with the girls according to the example he saw in the family, so the father should show him in every way that he loves his mother, appreciates it.”
If there is no father
Underestimate the authority of the father can not, the boy should see a good example. Therefore, even if a woman brings up a child alone, the boy must experience male influence. “If the parents do not live together, the mother should in no case forbid communication with the pope,” Tatyana Koroleva believes. – Even if the child has a stepfather, the boy should be able to meet with the pope. In this case, my mother should not at all tune the child against his father. “
If the father for some reason does not contact the son, the mother should take care of the child to have the opportunity to communicate with another adult man. “Let it be grandfather, uncle, just a friend of the family,” says Evgenia Zhukova. – The boy should see an example, learn the masculine qualities. No matter how hard the mother tries, she can not give the child all this alone. ” Nevertheless, a single mother should never focus on the child and dedicate her entire life to him. “A woman has the right to a personal life, and she should not deny herself in it, first of all for the sake of the child,” Tatyana Koroleva believes. –
Do not sacrifice yourself, educate your son’s feelings of guilt for the unfulfilled mother’s life, a sense of eternal duty.
Such a man will then perceive any relationship with a woman as a betrayal of his mother and grow up a mama’s son who can not tear himself away from her skirt. ”
Drama Circle, photo circle
In addition to raising a child’s parents, an important role in shaping his personality is played by what he does in his spare time. And here the stereotypes also often come into force: the boy must be an athlete, and drawing and ballroom dancing are for the girls. “Sport really shapes character, fosters endurance, will power, helps to relieve aggression,” says Tatyana Koroleva. “I would recommend that a child be attached to it, but be sure to be guided by what interests him most.” Often parents try to translate into children what they did not get – for example, the dream of a great sporting future. And not paying attention to the hobbies of the child, they give it to hockey.
“It is important to take into account not only the abilities, but also the temperament of the child,” says Evgenia Zhukova. – If he is a phlegmatic, do not push him into the box section. Try to drive the child in different circles, but not for 2-3 classes, but give him time to get comfortable and understand what will be interesting to him. ”
A boy can equally engage in football and drawing, and the task of parents is to teach him to appreciate his successes so as not to allow others to mock at his “non-Mongolian” hobby.
Parents, as you know, do not choose, and you will get your child the way it is. You are lucky more – in your power to make the son turned into a real man who can be proud of. It’s important not to forget that the task of mom is not just to give your son a happy childhood, but also to teach him to be happy in adulthood.