It’s only after a while that the awkwardness and stupid occasion for your casual acquaintance is remembered with a smile. Or do not remember – if for some reason you are still lonely or think that getting acquainted with the one who will become the man of the dream should be somehow special.
From what stereotypes you need to get rid of, in order to maximize your chances of meeting a partner in life, the SHE correspondent understood with psychologists.
1. “I’m not getting acquainted with the first one! ”
A sharp remnant of the patriarchy: men have not been sent for a thousand years for reindeer hunting, but for some women it’s first to talk to a stranger (and especially cute ones) is equivalent to killing honor and dignity.
Behind a flirtatious phrase too often there is a banal fear: the fear of showing initiative, the fear of refusal, and many others. A woman with such an installation is usually well-groomed and well-dressed, she is waiting for a significant meeting and is almost ready for it. Only princes do not go. Outcome: the belief that normal men ended in the era of knights is strengthened.
Alternative:“What I want, then I create, I’m not afraid of anything. ”“Communicate on absolutely any and sometimes ridiculous topics.
Believe: it does not matter what you say! It is important that you started talking, and you answered, ”
the secret psychologist Andrei Zberovsky reveals. By the way, immediately give out that you are 28 and you are not married, not necessarily. Pretend that you are just wasting time in this easy conversation.
2. “I must impress him. And I certainly will not like him! “
High demands on themselves are sometimes useful, give an incentive to work on themselves. That’s only personal happiness does not help. “A woman with such an installation tenses up and often leaves contact. She does not choose a man (which suits her), but remains with the one who will choose her and will be persistent enough, even if she does not really like her, “says the director of the Anti-Stress Center, the psychotherapist Maxim Zagoruiko.
Alternative:“I would like to like him, but there is no such law, according to which I must do it. ”By the way, do not seem better than you are.
“Playing someone else’s role, you just stretch the agony of your knowingly hopeless relationship, put off disappointment from you” for later. ”
Play only your own role and then you will be in demand precisely by that person who just dreams to get acquainted with just such a girl as you “, Andrei Zberovsky is sure.
3. “All men are bastards. ”They can not be trusted! “
Bastards among men do come across. But not as often as some think. Maxim Zagoruiko outlined two main options for the formation of this belief: the first – if you were offended by men in the past. The second is if they offended your mother, and you, as a daughter, successfully performed the role of ally in a world of vicious enemies. The result is one: avoiding close relationships with men under the guise of the fact that they are dangerous.
Alternative:“Men are different. Maybe I’ll meet someone that suits me. ”Do not exaggerate your ability to make an impression of all the men of the world in absentia and in advance.
4. “You can only get acquainted when I look good”
Girls who dream of a dream man who has caught her with a string bag in a supermarket on Sunday morning are not so few. “In fact, such a woman does not accept herself as she is, and projects these inflated demands on surrounding men, confusing their attitude to her with her own attitude to herself,” explains Maxim Zagoruiko.
Alternative:“I’m an ordinary woman, and it’s great. I do not have to paint, taking out a trash can. I love myself imperfect. After all, we do not always love men as ideal. ”Sincerely believing this, you, quite possibly, will find your only one in the open air surrounded by tents and sleeping bags.
5. “I need a man” to match “.
The variant without a fantastic exaggeration may look like this:” I have two higher educations, and only students get to know themselves. ” If you are accustomed to otashivat annoying suitors look down, know: this method will also effectively scare away the “same”.
“These women’s women – they are the real ladies’ men, that such cues are for them nothing more than a” working moment “, they are morally ready for them and know how to correctly and wittyly answer them.
But the more inexperienced decent men are in reality often “blown away”, mutter in response to something unintelligible and … sinking, are removed, “Alexander Zberovsky shares his experience of observations.
Alternative:“Not all men are perfect, but this does not make them less interesting. ”However, as psychologists note, with a variant of overestimated self-esteem in women it can be extremely difficult to work, often long-term therapy is required.
6. “I love only high and brown-eyed athletes”
So we are arranged: it is more convenient where it is customary. That’s why men are used to search by criteria (the best example is the dating site filtering). In relationships, we are looking for a companion with understandable interests, which goes to the same place where we also like to go. But the conscious narrowing of the circle of friends can be compared to ice fishing in a winter stadium: you will not catch anyone there.
Psychologists believe that behind this lies the fear of rapprochement or an attempt to find a partner for the ideal parameters (often something like a father, so with him, she knows exactly how to communicate). The paradox is that when she finds it – there will be no happiness: a living man can not be what you imagined him to be.
Alternative:“I will not be lazy and try to go where I’ve never been, and talk with someone I would not have spoken to before. ”Sometimes you need a little boldness and a little less laziness. After all, to go after work in the evening not to a cozy sofa, but to a party of unfamiliar comrades, you need to overcome the habit. However, the effort is worth it.
