1. Manipulate this
Do not try to find the main fault in the fact that you “did not work out”: usually both worked. But if we are talking about the “fault” of a woman, her complexes are mostly to blame. An insecure woman wants a man at the right time to be near, provide peace and preferably, at the right time, was silent, and when necessary – entertained. This is easier to achieve without effort through manipulation. The most common method is to hide behind your weakness or illness (“my head hurts, and you stick”). Pressing on the feeling of guilt, the woman comfortably settles in and gets used to getting something (or not to receive – if you do not want to) without difficulty and talking. Years later, it will turn into “I’ve spent the best years of your life,” and this will ruin the relationship very quickly.
2. Total control
Uncertainty often gives rise to another monster – super control. As explained by the psychologist of the perinatal center Tatiana Skritskaya, forcing the man to report where he was, with whom he was and what he was thinking, a woman often tries to protect herself from “surprises”. But in trying to make your husband your property you will get the opposite effect.
The man begins to experience panic or irritation. And if he can, he soon observes that under the control press he lost the ability to be interesting (after all, the wife demands a certain stereotype of behavior) and became bored to himself.
And this is a direct path to the crisis of personality and relationships. “What will you do in a few years with the subject who forgot how to make decisions?” – reasonably notes the psychologist consultant Anastasia Radaeva.
3. Household conflict
Life is the most acute underwater reef of relations. The main problem here is in incorrect communication. A woman usually asks allegorically. “I could have carried a bucket, too,” the wife growls, but she is firmly convinced that she gave the order. And the man just thought: “Of course, I could, what’s the matter.” The result: the wife gets used to “saw” her husband, because he does not do elementary things. “So the wife turns into some kind of grumbling mommy, and the man has lost his sexual instinct”, – the psychotherapist Olga Bocharnikova explains what perpetual nags are harmful.
4. Too much love
There is a reverse situation. “Learn to cook, otherwise you will not get married”, – the phrase is familiar to everyone. And so many live, having married: in the intervals between washing and saucepans. Such a wife and treats, and caress, and rub his shirt. The man is pleased, the wife too. What is dangerous? “The same scheme works here, but already with regard to the wife: a very loving” mommy “initially suits a man, but she provokes him to regress, he essentially falls into the state of a child. And this is incest, a ban: an adult woman can not have sex with a child. “Olga Bocharnikova tells how a woman’s sexual desire disappears already: she sincerely loves her husband, but ceases to want him. And to pull it will be already on other, adult men, and not on small boys.
5. War with Mom
It is known that it is even more difficult to become a good daughter-in-law for a mother-in-law than a good son-in-law for a mother-in-law. Especially if the love of the son and mother is mutual, and the daughter-in-law is always unattractive. The main mistake: to try to convince the husband that his mother is worse than you, and in general you need to love your wife, not your mother. At first, the man will try to reconcile you, and then the boy who has not grown up yet will start talking: he will become enraged and go to the conflict, but not with his mother, but with you.
“The problems created by the mother will never be solved by another woman. If a woman sees a strong attachment of a man to her mother, the biggest mistake is to think that she can re-educate him “for herself,” warns the practicing psychologist Andrei Yakutin. If you see that a man greatly loves his mother, then the only way out: to accept the established rules of their relations, and not to change them.
6. Remember the past
“I even wore a briefcase in my first class,” you insulted, complaining that her husband was not dragging your bags. And make the mistake: to compare the current situation with what was before (no matter, a year or ten years ago) – means to drive a cross into the current relationship. Where there is talk about the former, a virtual third appears in the pair. It will hurt both of you. As explained by Andrei Yakutin, you can not get rid of the habit of comparing (only by comparing, we can understand what’s what). But in personal relationships, you need to compare in silence. And if you want something (you are accustomed to this with a man of the past), tell me about your desire, and not about the fact that “here someone did it”. This is respect for each other. And he is generally considered the main secret of any long-term relationship.