In many people, sex turns into a sport, where a woman’s scream during an orgasm is like a referee’s whistle – the game is over, you can diverge. Without this traditional signal, both participants in the “game” may feel uncomfortable. This explains the desire of both men and women to achieve the desired orgasm at any cost. But this can not all. Is the female orgasm a criterion for a full sexual life and why some women do not have it, the correspondent of SE recognized.
The statistics are depressing – only 50% of women get orgasm during each sexual intercourse. In the rest, this either happens less often, or does not happen at all. According to the director of the Anti-Stress Center, psychotherapist Maxim Zagoruiko, the lack of orgasm is a variant of the norm: “In the female population, there have always been a part of women who rarely had an orgasm or did not experience at all. In the Middle Ages for them there was a good social niche – they could go to the monastery and there lead a life that society welcomed. ”
A modern woman struggles to cope with the pressure of a social stereotype, according to which she must always be ready for sex and always have an orgasm.
“Formally, orgasm is the criterion of a full sexual life,” says Olga Perova, a sexologist at the Sibneymore Center. – But there are couples in which a woman does not reach an orgasm with coitus, and no negative emotions are produced either by her or by her partner. Can their sexual life be called inferior? I think no”.
Expectations of men
Often, the idea of inferiority comes from men – some lack of orgasm in the partner is perceived as a personal insult. “A man wants a woman to be satisfied. An orgasmic woman to some extent reflects what he is, this is a confirmation of his masculinity, “explains the psychoanalyst Alexander Fedchuk. In his opinion, there is a deeper reason for man’s concern with female satisfaction: “A person is one who has lost pleasure. One way to get it back is sex, but a person can not do it on their own. Of course, you can get an orgasm both alone and with an artificial partner, but only by satisfying a woman, a man can get maximum pleasure. ” This situation can be compared with an anecdote – when we read a good anecdote, they want to share,
says Maxim Zagoruiko. – If a woman thinks so, she has anger towards the partner, and the man has a sense of inferiority. As a result, sexual intercourse is broken. “
In fact, the reasons why a woman does not experience orgasm or it happens irregularly, a great many, moreover – they are superimposed on each other, forming a lump that is not easy to untangle yourself.
1. Without control
Despite the fact that a woman is considered more emotional than a man, during orgasm there is a “reset” when her emotions are turned off. To this conclusion came the researchers from the Netherlands, after scanning the brain. Evolutionary psychologists attribute this to the fact that at such a time the question of procreation becomes more important than the instinct of self-preservation. “During orgasm, a woman is in a position when she loses control over her body and what is happening,” explains Alexander Fedchuk. “This is a state that not everyone can bear.” Similarly, not everyone will jump with a parachute, although those who have already tried, guarantee unforgettable emotions.
2. Negative emotions
Any experiences, negative emotions – fear, anger, guilt, anxiety associated with stress, for example problems at work – can cause the absence of orgasm. “And if the anxiety is small, it increases sexual arousal and intensifies orgasm,” Maxim Zagoruiko emphasizes, “and a strong anxiety slows down the experience.”
3. The girl is not ripe
Each person goes through three stages in his psychosexual development: platonic, romantic and sexual. But some are stuck in the romantic stage, while entering into the “adult” sex life. “Anorgasmia at the beginning of sexual activity, or” physiological deficit of orgasm, “is a manifestation of psychosexual immaturity,” says Olga Perova. – That is, the girl has not yet grown to her orgasm. After a while, perhaps during pregnancy or after the birth of a child, there will be an ability to achieve orgasm. ”
4. Man’s business
Since sexual intercourse takes partners only a part of the joint time, the role outside of the bedroom also plays a role. “When a woman has a lot of unpleasant feelings towards a partner and they are much stronger than sexual arousal, inhibition of excitation occurs and an orgasm does not arise,” explains the therapist Maxim Zagoruiko. If the reason is this, he recommends first to solve the problems in the family counseling relationship.
5. Boredom A
favorite by many comparing with a delicious dish that, when used regularly, bores, really works. According to Olga Perova, a partner may be poorly informed about the partner’s erogenous zones or not spoil her with a preliminary period of caresses. “Some couples believe that sex is always associated with the introduction of a member in the vagina, the rest is not sex,” says Maxim Zagoruiko. “As a result, the sexual act is stereotyped, monotonous, and there is no excitement and orgasm.”
6. Wrong beliefs
According to Maxim Zagoruiko, there are many beliefs that interfere with women. Some believe that sex is associated with something indecent, while others abandon the role of women after the birth of the child, believing that the purpose of their lives – the upbringing of the offspring, the third set the age barrier, after which they stop paying attention to their intimate life. Often there are women who believe that their sacred duty is to experience orgasm every time, preferably a multiple. “This myth is quite strongly promoted in glossy magazines,” says Zagoruiko, a psychotherapist. – If a woman thinks so, then during intercourse she does not have sex, but passes the exam for the right to be called a woman. At the exam, as you know, orgasm happens infrequently. ” The division of orgasm into a clitoral (which is considered to be infantile,
“Women often experience feelings of inferiority and are greatly tormented by this,” the therapist continues. “Orgasm is pleasant, and it’s good if it is, but at the same time it’s not tragedy, if it’s not there.”
By the way, foreign researchers have found out that the female orgasm is some kind of “check for lice”, an evolutionary way to understand if the partner has patience and tenderness to take care of the children. Scientists have suggested that women who achieve orgasm too easily can not cope well with selection, while those who do not have orgasm do a good job of rejecting “substandard” partners.