Sex without a previous light, pleasant, but familiar to the smallest detail, is a phenomenon that every couple meets sooner or later.Someone loses passion after a year of sharing life, others get acquainted with boredom after decades of marriage.
The problem is solved in different ways, but one of the most radical methods is offered by swingers – people who have decided to change their sexual partners in pursuit of new impressions.
What is this phenomenon, how does it take root on Russian soil and what are the results of such experiments, the correspondent of SHE explained.
Reference: Swing (English swing) is a short-term coordinated exchange of sexual partners.
Swig originally called the dance with a change of partners, it was common among young people in the first third of the last century. The sex term migrated to the region much later, in the 80s, when a generation of hippy rebels grew up: they grew up, got children, and the inevitable age-related sexual boredom was thought up to be eradicated in the simplest way – just to change sexual partners, for example, with friends-neighbors.
Small cottage settlements, barbecue culture on Fridays, as well as equal age, education level, a lot of free time and similarity of interests among neighbors, – a sexologist from Krasnoyarsk, Andrei Zberovsky lists what was the basis for the phenomenon of swing. One of the main moments – the age of participants, traditionally swingers were couples for forty, with a leisurely life and older children.
As the sexologist of the Insight clinic Igor Lyakh explained, swing as an exchange partner for sex is based on the phenomenon of sexual adaptation, when a stable partner ceases to excite. “In ordinary life, spouses tend to walk each other quietly, swing is the achievement of the same goals, only more honest to each other the way,” Andrei (changed his name) said about his “hobby”.
The controlled replacement of the partner (and mutual withdrawal from responsibility for this) presupposes the revival of sexuality and the maintenance of a balance in the family, where the separation of marriage from sexuality has already occurred, the sexologist believes.
This division, in turn, is not new: to recall at least the ancient powers that were changing their wives for political purposes. And for some people of the North, the tradition to offer a wife for the night is reserved for the guest till now.
Swing is not synonymous with group sex, as it might seem at first glance. As explained by Igor Lyah, the motives for group sex and swing are different. Fantasy about group sex is always based on the idea of sexual grandiosity (“I’m great, powerful and sexy”). The idea of swing is “we love each other and are ready to close our eyes to some things.” “Treason at this age is somewhat ridiculous, by and large there is nothing to hesitate, all obligations are fulfilled, and this is a form of joint enjoyment, when you and your partner receive something equally,” explains the mechanism of sexologist Zberovsky, emphasizing that swing in Russia does not have anything in common with the “classical”.
If abroad swing is a neighbor’s entertainment of family-provided wealthy people at an age, then in our country it became synonymous with group sex and stands in line with offers of extreme sex. “There is a de jure difference, swingers are established couples, de facto – no difference. To meet people with whom you would be interested is simply impossible, but somewhere it is not safe (cleanliness, bad habits). There is no culture, but from the conversation it all boils down to banal group sex, “the couple, disappointed by the experience of swing relations, shared.
Why does it attract the Russian group? Aleksei Zberovsky connects this with the Russians’ ineluctable desire to live brightly, due to the instability in the country of over 60% of neurotic people, and in fact they are governed by the idea of living today: grab and live, live until ill, do not die or lose a job.
Therefore in Russia, swing is popular with young couples under 35, often not even living in a legal marriage: they just became bored.
After trying group sex, young couples most often break up: as sexologists say, jealousy and quarrels in this scenario are almost inevitable. But even in densely swinging “according to the classics” (without elements of group sex), the pairs of prospects are vague: as Igor Lyakh explained, since this “betrayal” is agreed with the husband, over time the image of the spouse turns to a new partner, the severity is lost again, and in such groups most often there is someone from the side, to whom the wife leaves. Or the husband. By the way, the initiator of such experiments, women are not less than men.
“My opinion on this issue is unambiguous – I am against such experiments in couples that are less than 45 years old. The experience of my observations shows that it does not end with anything good, but quarrels, divorces and even beatings are not uncommon, “Andrei Zberovsky believes, and encourages young people to pay more attention to less traumatic methods of refreshing relationships. For example, do not be afraid to fantasize and experiment, telling each other about all your desires. Or stop linking the viewing with the husband of porn with the possibility of “terrible perversions” (sexologists recognize that the frequency of watching videos for adults is associated with sexual perversions in reverse proportion).
Often fantasy is enough. “If there are fantasies, it means that satiety in a couple is still incomplete,” says Igor Lyakh, which means that there is an opportunity to establish sexual relations.
In general, worry is only when the partner is not just fantasizing, but persistently inclines you to group sex and is actively engaged in searches on the Internet.
“You should understand that even if the husband stops asking, he will still want it, and get it on the side, in a year or 10 years, it does not matter”, – Andrei Zberovsky believes that the main thing in this matter is honesty before oneself and absence of illusions.
Sexologists have only one universal recipe for all: to maintain respect for each other and not be lazy to try something new, while realizing that the new is not necessarily extreme.