A spouse’s debt is necessarily associated with sex. However, soon after the beginning of a joint life, it turns out that the debts and duties of the spouses are much greater, and not all of them are as satisfying as the above.
The question of who will take out the ill-fated garbage and clean up for the unfortunate cat, remains open in many families.The man beats his fist on the table, stating that he is an earner and is not going to perform “baba” work.
The woman beats in hysterics, because she is also an earner, but her house is waiting for the usual female set – washing-ironing-cleaning-cooking. Why do men refuse to help their wives at home and whether this can be changed, SHE correspondents learned.
And what if war?
It would seem that open oppression and oppression of women remained in the distant past. Feminists have done their job – and now a woman can always be close to a man – by enacting laws, earning money and choosing sexual partners. However, the patriarchate left too deep a trace. As a result, the woman is forced to combine the basic work with domestic work, which takes a decent amount of time and effort, and the man is often limited to just getting money, and where clean clothes and delicious food come from, not everyone wants to know.
“Men are not in a hurry to help his wife around the house, because they are so well-bred: the ancient Russian and even Soviet tradition is such that a man should rest – suddenly tomorrow the war, – explains Igor Poperechny, director of the Center for Medical Sexology and Psychotherapy. – Naturally, women do worse with some masculine duties – simply because they need physical strength. But after all, the one who is stronger, and takes on more responsibilities. And we have the one who is stronger – he commands, who is weaker – he plows. ”
According to Natalia Churkina, assistant professor of social work at the NSTU, most often women’s responsibility for the household is the result of Russian women’s insensitivity to discriminatory processes in Russia. “In turn, a man gets used to domestic dependency, detachment from solving family problems, creates conditions for self-identification:” male “rest, male connections, etc. Their power positions men are trying to save through the role of breadwinner. ”
Have a rest, son
And now attention, parents of boys! According to experts, we are to blame for the fact that modern men refuse to vacuum and wash the floor. “This consumerism is laid in the family: the mother served her husband, the son saw everything and in his own family also sits and watches how his wife works. Although not only the father, the mother, too, corrupts the son, protecting him from domestic chores. It rarely happens when a mother makes her son do something about the house: her daughter will help – this is not a man’s business, “notes Igor Poperechny, recommending that in all possible ways to inform the child that the work is not divided into male and female, and that interchangeability – a normal state in the family.
In addition to the traditions absorbed by the partner from childhood, there are also natural features inherent in all men without exception. “It is common for a man to alternate overactive activities with passive pastime,” says Natalia Churkina. – This property of the male organism has developed over a long human history.
Men often had to live at the limit of their human capabilities: a fight, a hunt – all this required the utmost exertion, full of self-giving. And it was possible to restore strength only by complete relaxation. “
If the work of a man is similar to a deadly battle or a hunt, it is only natural that he tries to find peace and relaxation at home, in his cozy den. But sometimes men somewhat exaggerate the degree of nervousness and tension of their activities – is it possible to somehow change the situation in this case?
Poorly brought up
Let us be frank, the re-education of a thirty-year-old man – whether male or female – is an altogether ungrateful work and even humiliating for the person being educated. Moreover, to break the parent installation, when my mother worked in the family for wear and at night baked rolls, while my father peacefully snapped on the couch, it is extremely difficult. As usual, you need to take a closer look before Mendelssohn’s march begins.
“It’s very difficult to change men who do not work in the house,” confirms Igor Poperechny. – When deciding what kind of husband he will be, it is worth paying attention to his family – usually a good family man becomes one who sees that the father takes part in household chores, not disdaining to perform the female part – cleaning, cooking, ironing. If the groom does not hurry to come to the rescue at the first stage of acquaintance,
Sometimes women, driven to despair, decide on extreme measures and cease to serve their men. But the calculation that the husband will come and, seeing a mess in the apartment, grab for a vacuum cleaner, is hardly justified. “It is not worthwhile to put ultimatums, they will never lead to good.
In general, I treat men from disrespect for my wife, – Igor transverse, – for two or three days he is left alone with a baby, and he immediately understands everything. ”
Washed dishes – will be sex
According to experts, a man who does not help a woman on the house, do not be surprised if the wife refuses to have sex. According to a study conducted by French sociologists, a homogeneous distribution of housework between spouses allows a woman to feel her value and understanding from the side of a man. In addition, helping a man in the house relieves physical fatigue, which in itself can cause a denial of intimacy.
“On average, a woman spends about 40 hours a week on homework – about the same time as labor,” Natalia Churkina comments. – Naturally, with such a “division” of economic concerns, a woman gets tired physically and morally. Accordingly, the attitude to the spouse changes, which, having a great time, is full of strength and energy. ”
Often a man does not understand the reasons for cooling relations and expresses surprise and displeasure, which in turn provides a new round of conflicts. “Prize to those who share work with his wife – a quality sexual life,” – confidently declares Igor Poperechny. – A woman rested, not loaded and happy sex. But if she ran away at work, or with children, and then still did all the housework, she has a tongue on her shoulder, and from her still sex and demand – will she be happy? “