Oh—semen: When I was in high school, I was pretty quiet around people who weren’t my friends. The high school’s wrestling coach also taught geometry, and he was my teacher. This resulted in a lot of wrestlers skipping class and barging into our classroom to hang out and not get in trouble.
One day, seven wrestlers come in yelling about new wrestling uniforms, and how excited they were. When they go over and pull out the uniforms, the whole class is kind of side eyeing them. Even without what I mention next, the suits look funny.
I mean, it’s tight royal blue Spandex with a suspender style top. Absolutely funny already. But the wrestlers grab the uniforms and rush out of the room to go change in the bathroom, and come back to show them off. Which, is also hysterical because Spandex hides NOTHING; you could see all of their junk.
“I once got 14/10 drunk at a party and lost my outfit. Legitimately have no idea where it ended up. Poked holes in a garbage bag and wore that with my high heels on public transit to get home. ”
“In college, I was wearing my boyfriend’s boxers and T-shirt, and my 5 inch heels. It was 7 a. m. on a Saturday. Everyone was sleeping except my philosophy professor, who I run in to on my way back to my room while he was walking his dog.
‘You’re up early. ’‘I sure am. ’”
“At Lake Cumberland, Kentucky, witnessed a buddy’s ‘Swim of shame’ from 300-400 yards away in party cove back to our houseboat from another houseboat at 7 am. His form would make Michael Phelps proud. ”
“Running a 5K on the University of Michigan’s Campus and a coed in a skin-tight dress and 4-inch heels doing the walk of shame the opposite direction of 10K runners. They all let her have it. ”
“Easter Sunday, driving home from college to my parents. Near campus is a church. Headed to the church is a sweet old couple–imagine UP–they are getting ready to cross the street with their walkers. Next to them is a lovey train wreck holding her high heels in one hand. Smoking a cigarette. She is wearing a glorious Matt Leinart Jersey and nothing else. ”
“I did two post Halloween walks of shame through Brooklyn and Manhattan. One as Rick James and the other as MC Hammer. ”
“Anyone who saw me after Halloween about 10 years ago. I had been a zombie the night before, but without makeup and a torn up, bloody suit, made for an interesting walk home. Everyone was stopping, asking if I had been hit by a car or something. Nope, just got laid. ”
“I was driving the girl I hooked up with home and my neighbor left with someone at the same time. I thought he was following me for about 20 minutes. I get there and some girl hops out of his car at the same time as me. It turned out the two girls were neighbors. ”
“The girl was still in her slutty pirate costume from the Halloween Party the night before. Eye patch, bandana, sword, and black marker mustache and all. ”
“Girl in a party dress carrying her heels walking upstream of about 50,000 Red Sox fans heading to Fenway at like 11 a. m. ”
“I walked from one end of North Bay to the other in cowboy boots, track pants and a puke splattered sweater once. I didn’t want to wear the sweater but it was January and -25 C. ”
“I was working as a valet at a 5-star hotel in San Diego. Saturday and Sunday mornings were always interesting. The best was a girl who came out with a towel loosely around her waist, the wind blew and we saw her bare ass. ”
“I once had to take the subway home in the morning wearing a little dress and a multicolored fur coat. Definitely no shame here. I even got a compliment, ‘Oh you look amazing. Where are you off to? Brunch date? ’”
“Girl wasn’t wearing pants or shoes. Just a T-shirt. Bottoms of her feet were black as tires and it was like 10am. Then it turned out I knew who it was. Still haven’t told her I saw her. ”
Walk of Shames aren’t all that bad–hey, at least you got laid. Might as well comfort yourself and your guests with our HERE FOR THE GANGBANG DOORMAT so every walk of shame has a little humor to it.
