In the Masai African tribe, in order to prove their security and redeem the bride, the groom will need only five or seven head of cattle.Russian brides are unlikely to agree to such a deal. Although here to marry a wealthy man is considered a great creative success. Search for men on clear parameters often oppose “true love”, call marriage by calculation and do not promise anything good to the future family.What problems can arise in marriage by calculation, SHE correspondent learned.
Love and the economy
Oscar Wilde jokingly offered to tax rich bachelors a high tax, considering it unfair that some people are happier than others. Since the life and creativity of the witty writer, little has changed – rich bachelors have fewer problems and, as a rule, have a choice of wishing to marry them. “Marriage of convenience in modern society is not a rare thing. Within the framework of such relations, people behave as purely rational beings, acting purposefully and efficiently. As Erich Fromm noted, “a person sells not only goods, he sells himself and feels himself a commodity,” comments Natalia Churkina, associate professor of the social work and social anthropology department at the NSTU, a teacher at the regional educational and methodological center “Family”.
The desire to “sell yourself more expensively” is not a sign of turmoil and instability, marriage by calculation, according to experts, is one of the eternal phenomena.
“The desire to marry a rich, socially prosperous, i.e. “Prince”, was always. In all the tales, this is spelled out. Assol, probably, would have left for the old and lame if he had come under the scarlet sails. She, of course, was lucky that Gray was young and handsome,
– says the family psychologist Sergei Zolotarev. – Now the list of motives for marriage by calculation has expanded, this is getting citizenship, propiska, “slash from the army”, etc. All “mercenary” marriages have one common property – a monoid. It can be anything – “scarlet sails,” your own apartment, a bank account, or a desire to have a baby. The presence of the main factor becomes decisive, all other properties of the partner are secondary. “
Numerous literary examples have historical confirmation. Marriage of convenience for a long time was the norm, and all over the world. Relatives of the future bride (this happens now) was interested not so much in the level of intellect and spiritual qualities of the groom as his ability to materially secure the future offspring. “In fact, the marriage was entirely an economic enterprise, the most important function of which was the formation of the economic well-being of a particular family,” says Natalia Churkina. – The word “bride” came from “unknown” – unknown, but something about her was known for certain, namely, the size of her dowry and the economic condition of her family. “
Who goes to the marriage by calculation?
It is difficult to find a person who aspires to live his life in poverty. But not everyone is solving their material problems through marriage. So, who and why is getting married by calculation?
• Search for a roof. Experts say that there has been a certain shift, apparently related to the masculinity crisis. Now not only women are looking for a profitable lot – but also for men. According to Igor Poperechny, director of the Center for Medical Sexology and Psychotherapy, modern middle-aged men who failed to succeed in life, finding a suitable candidate with a roof over their heads and a stable salary, are happy to cohabit or formulate relations.
• I’ve arrived.Among those who marry by calculation, many visitors, says Igor Poperechny. They changed their small town to a bigger city, and the only way to gain a foothold in a new place for them is to marry. Those who manage to marry a “solid man”, as a rule, no longer bother with any activity, occasionally planning to go to work and at least do something. Naturally, the plans are not implemented.
• Good-bye, Mom. According to Sergei Zolotarev, there are women who are ready to marry, just to leave their parents, free themselves from their care, show their “adulthood”, get approval from the society and parents, get permission for sexual relations.
• Nothing for the soul.And yet, the prospect of improving one’s financial position and raising one’s status is the most common reason why women marry by calculation. “Most often, this happens to those who have nothing for their souls. Not in terms of money, but in terms of what a woman does not know where to put herself, she can not develop, “says Igor Poperechny.
A contract is more expensive than money.
More often than not, you have to pay for a well-fed life. “Statistics seem to say that such marriages are more robust. Since love comes and goes, it is to save – its great work, and in the situation of marriage by calculation it is at once a contractual relationship. Another question is how happythis ismarriage, – says Sergei Zolotarev. – You have to pay for everything. Having solved material problems (finances, apartment), a person receives a bunch of others – especially emotional ones. ”
Marriage, built on the basis of patriarchal dictatorship, is the most common model of a family created by calculation. Therefore, if you are considering such an opportunity, you should be prepared for serious limitations. For example, a man in such a situation can regularly remind where he “pulled” his wife, trying in this way to raise authority in their own eyes.
“Marriage is still more attractive for women of a certain psychological make-up,” Natalia Churkina explains. – Consonants obey and do not have in the arsenal of appropriate educational and professional advantages. ”
As for the future, such marriages can be quite stable – as long as tacit arrangements are being made. But at the same time the probability of a sudden collapse is great – when the next woman (with more perfect parameters), who wants to make her life more comfortable, will take the wife’s place.
Unlike the Maasai girls, you have a choice. In pursuit of comfort, you can “successfully” marry. And you can find a new job. By the way, in the survey conducted on SHE, this option (work hard and make a career) is not much, but overtakes the first.