In the very phonetics of the expression “a woman of Balzac’s age” there is something unpleasant, plump, giving either a grape disease or embalming. In general – something pathoanatomical.
This douche is well combined with the heroine’s aphorism of one German gothic romantic comedy that noticed that after thirty years there is more chance of dying from an atomic bomb than getting married.
While some girls perceive this turn exclusively as a comedy, others with anxiety think about its truth. Anxiety is fueled by anxious relatives and indifferent statisticians who report that the famous gap between the number of men and women reaching the abyss to retirement age begins at the age of 30.
The wind of change
“Women are more likely to obey social stereotypes than men,” explains the therapist Alexander Butskikh of the “old maidens” and the unabashedness of “hardened bachelors”. Experts, however, are not in a hurry to assess the situation of a thirty-year-old lady as a catastrophe.
The statistical gap between men and women at this age is still close to error, and frightening social stereotypes become obsolete.
“The life cycle has changed, compared to the Soviet times, has become more flexible,” commented the social anthropologist Mikhail Nemtsev. – Previously, key life stages were defined and rigidly tied to a certain age: admission to the institute, turning into a young specialist with a further – also usually predefined – promotion. By the age of 27, I had to find myself at work and have a family. Exceptions from this scheme were rare, so at the age of 30 it was already possible to judge whether a person had taken place. Today, adults often dramatically change the sphere of activity, get a second higher education, again find themselves in the status of students – naturally, the boundaries between youth and maturity are blurred, as in European countries where a thirty-year student is a normal phenomenon. ”
This, of course, is not about trying to delay childhood, but about the fact that everyone has his own way to maturity.
This vagueness of age statuses also touched on everything else: fashion, entertainment, hobbies. It is enough to look into the “Classmates” to find out that one school girlfriend has got three children by the age of thirty, another – an armchair and a suit of the big chief, the third wears ridiculous hats and teases passers-by street performances, the fourth – still sits on the notes and course papers … They look everything is so different that they could play with each other in their mother’s daughters.
But the question of whether a modern woman is purely physiologically younger than her mother at the same age, cosmetologists do not give an unambiguous answer. “When we look at family photos, moms and grandmothers seem older to us because of unusual hairstyles and outfits,” thinks Irina Peskova, director of the Institute of Cosmetology at the National Youth University.
Another important factor – more recently, women with early gray hair were not able to use colors of natural shades. As for the condition of the skin, then, on the one hand, not everyone among our mothers used even the simplest moisturizer, not to mention the services of a cosmetologist. On the other hand – our mothers did not lead a nocturnal lifestyle, they smoked less, and despite their infatuation with sunburn, photoaging then played a lesser role, because there were no tanning beds. ”
In a word, there are more youth threats to the skin, but there are many more possibilities to preserve it – nutrition, care, refusal from sunbeds, sleepless nights and smoking. Everything is in our hands – moms had no such choice.
The War of the Worlds
True, periodically to a thirty-year-old student – an extreme sportswoman and just a beauty – alarming signals from the parallel world reach. Cousin’s aunts are concerned about her celibacy and childlessness (the most orthodox are preoccupied and her weight – at thirty it’s time to begin to get fat). “Modernization in Russia is very uneven. The difference between the inhabitants of large cities and the inhabitants of their outskirts, as well as of small towns is enormous, – continues Mikhail Nemtsev.
A typical town-dweller by the age of 30 usually has about five novels, five jobs, five foreign trips.
And her contemporary from a small town reproduces the model of her parents’ life: at 22, it’s time to get married, at 25 years it’s time to start worrying, at 30 – life is over. “Often women at this age break up relationships with their parents,” says sexist Igor Poperechny.
“This happens when a woman can not get rid of the feeling that parents see in her not a person who has her own individual path, but only a social function.” A single recipe, how to respond to jokes and podkovyrki at a family table, does not exist. As it does not exist for other variants of intrusion into private life, which, strictly speaking, is essentially rudeness. It is possible to confront him with cold-blooded politeness or an answering stinging spike – a matter of taste and temperament.
Calm, only calm
“A woman simply needs to decide whether she lives in a traditional peasant society or in a modern society,” says the therapist Alexander Butskikh. – In the first case, she needs to urgently apologize to her relatives and find at least some husband. In the second – up to 35 years you can not be nervous and calmly wait for the right person. ” “Many women are trying to find a man, on the one hand, held, and on the other – who did not yet have a marriage experience,” continues Igor Transverse, “and this is unlikely. In our time, the absence of a long-term relationship with cohabitation by the age of thirty is an alarming indicator, rather for a man than for a woman. ”
That is, our Bridget Jones may well be comforted by the statistics of divorces (for 100 marriages, according to Novosibirskstat, there are 50 divorces), which indicates that bachelors not only decrease, but also arrive.
But the favorite advice of my aunts is to be simpler and lower the bar – Mr. Transverse does not recommend advising: “When discussing with the unmarried thirty-year-old clients the situation that has arisen, I often find that they are trying to play in a lower niche. That is, a woman – not only with high demands, but also with high inclinations! – depicts a simpleton among younger men or undemanding peers. We still live in modernity, not antiquity, and simply “getting married” is not the goal. “