26.10.2020

Men welcome women’s initiative, but there are things that scare them away

First of all, good news: we live in a wonderful time, and we were lucky, probably a million times more than our great-grandmothers.How many possible gentlemen have met inside the small circle of the heroine of refined novels about the difficulties of pride and prejudice? A modern woman lives in a huge world, which, thanks to modern technologies, has practically no borders. Every day we meet – on the way to work, at work, on the computer screen and going somewhere in the evening – a lot of potential partners. The correspondent of SE decided to find out how readers use their unlimited possibilities, and conducted a survey: “Where do you usually get acquainted with the representatives of the opposite sex?”.

Most respondents who answered this question (30%) prefer to make new acquaintances on a visit with friends. Another 22.5% get acquainted at work. Those who prefer to get acquainted on the Internet, lag behind them quite a bit – those are 21.5%. Methods, not approved by our grandmothers, by the way, were also the least popular: about 13% of SHE readers get acquainted in bars and restaurants, and about 12% – on the street.

It is clear why the “Away” option outstripped all others. First, there is no need to show courage and ingenuity – it is clear that dating can not be avoided. Secondly, at the same guests, as a rule, people gather “proven” and, very likely, united by common interests – well, at least friendship with the owners of the house. Thirdly, a new acquaintance can be immediately unobtrusively to inquire … In general, solid advantages and only one drawback – the limited choice. 

The variant “At work” is good all the same predictability – there are common interests and an occasion for conversation, adventurers have already dismissed the personnel department, and besides, as it is known, the true qualities of a person are manifested in intelligence … well, or in joint work on the project.

True, cautious and career-oriented girls do not bet on this method. Still, service novels sometimes complicate work, and a flirting that failed from the very beginning can sow embarrassment in further business communication.

Then it’s better to be completely anonymous! For example, the Internet – from there everything is taken from the news to the shopping, so it’s logical that the boyfriends also materialize from the World Wide Web. The first to remember, of course, dating sites – such do not count as their users. And, of course, everyone started accounts “just for the sake of joking” and “simply because there is nothing to do.” And yet people get acquainted, and there are a lot of examples of how something good has grown out of this acquaintance. But if the presentation of his own outstanding personality in the form of a growth-weight-hobby and “I prefer men with a sense of humor” (and who prefers gloomy bores, by the way?) For some reason he dislikes, there is another way. 

Practice shows that the most interesting online datings are set in other ways – through LiveJournal, forums and so on.

There are also reasons to show your photos in the best form, and sympathy arises (and the reasons for the meeting are) as easily and naturally as familiarity on a friendly picnic or at work. But at the same time no one has to be embarrassed and feel a burning mark on his forehead “I’m looking for someone!”.

The main disadvantage of online dating to everyone, of course, is known – it happens that the “virtual” charm and wit in person are blown away at once, like a punctured ball. Appearance in photography and appearance in real life are different things, but there is still a voice, a smell and something that we call “energy” … Do not be upset – we just bought a new friend. 

But in any case, the first seconds of the phenomenon are the most important for any acquaintance. “Ahead of the person is his energy, our brain primarily processes the information emotionally,” comments the director of the training center “Culture of Relations” Alena Berdnik. – This is the smell of the person who our subconscious mind “reads” first of all, and some kind of general image, the expression of the eyes, something that is difficult to describe clearly. “

What is difficult to describe is just as difficult to counterfeit, so “technical” advice on when to smile and how to shake a shoe, alas, rarely work. If there is a need for step-by-step instructions, then perhaps you need to change something in yourself.

“A woman can be smart and beautiful, but not attractive,” continues Alena Berdnik. “And the point here is not so much that someone has endowed somebody with” this, “but somebody does not. Much depends on the internal state. If a woman came to the conclusion that men completely suffer and love them not at all, it affects the expression of her face, on the general elusive image. If a woman at the subconscious level firmly knows that a man can bring pleasure in many areas of life, from “delivering an orgasm” and ending with “being an interesting friend,” men themselves feel it too. ” 

Women’s initiative at the acquaintance has always existed – just from century to century it evolved from a dropped scented handkerchief with embroidered initials to T-shirts with the inscription I am great in bed.

Interviewed by a correspondent of SE, worthy acquaintances, young men spoke in unison because, they say, the women’s initiative is great and it is necessary to continue in the same spirit. True, they immediately stipulate that they prefer to see the women’s initiative with a slightly camouflaged plausible pretext – to compliment their beloved dog, a question about music coming from headphones, a request for help, and so on. In a word, the revolution did not happen, and ritual dances were not canceled. 

The process of dating, however, lasts a little longer than the first few replicas and mutual looking (in fact, it can last a lifetime, but we will not look that far). What can frighten a potential boyfriend at an early stage? 

• Excessive intrusiveness– The absolute leader in the taboo list. It is important not to confuse self-confidence and joyful enthusiasm with the habits of deafening and deaf to the signals of the outside world of the asphalt compactor.

• Excessive candor . Perhaps, when you are recognized better, the heartbreaking stories about the vile traitors who were sent to you by heaven before, the memories of the drives to the children’s room of the militia and the juicy details of the life of your friends will find a different context, but for now they are simply embarrassing. 

• Excessive curiosity . It’s one thing – a sincere interest in a new person, another – torture with red-hot iron in order to collect an exhaustive dossier. Some men, frightened by stories from the yellow press about hunters behind thick wallets, are especially worried about questions about the financial situation (and no matter what it really is).

As for the common interests, here, perhaps, one should not blindly follow the advice recommending showing their marvelous awareness and interest in the traditionally male hobby like fishing or Zimbabwean foreign policy analysis. Girls who are capable of brainstorming virtuosically, depicting a rare similarity of interests and generally spiritual intimacy, there are not so many in the world and in the sphere of acquaintances they are more likely professionals, – what do we need? 

All young people interviewed by the SHE correspondent, who were close to each other, agreed unanimously: “You do not have to build from yourself what you really are not.”

The well-worn advice “Be yourself!” Actually became a boring and annoying banality only after a thorough and successful test of experience. Do not pretend to be relaxed and build yourself from Samantha from “Sex in the City”, if in fact you are shy and conservative. First, your espionage legend will be dissected very quickly. Secondly, even if someone succeeds in cheating, it is unlikely that this person will be the right person. Thirdly, the men interviewed agree that obvious embarrassment and slight nervousness betray the true intentions and interest of the girl far better than the learned “right” postures and cues.

And other learned truths about where and how to get acquainted. It is considered, for example, that in clubs and bars frivolous connections are being established. In general, it is, but … It is enough to ask the nicest couples in their environment about their first meeting, so it became clear that in the form you need to be always. Of course, we do not mean the shape of the “ruble predator” – neckline and hairpins, but order in the inner world, interest in the world around and a willingness to smile. 

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