Well they, the inhabitants of paradise islands, where the sun shines all year round, the food grows by itself, and the relaxing atmosphere does not allow the body to take a vertical position and do something useful.
In Siberia, palms grow only on windowsills, and food is extracted with difficulty. However, there are also men who, for one reason or another (crisis, no mood, pay little), take up hard work to make money for fragile women’s shoulders.
What happens in families where the breadwinner becomes a woman, and what if the man was left without work, the correspondent of SE.
Despite the fatigue and grumbling about lazy subordinates or a stupid boss, working in the life of a man takes an honorable place, because, firstly, the ability to earn money is closely related to the man’s opinion of himself, and secondly, the traditional settings are still alive about the male breadwinner. “Role relationships in society are built in such a way that if a woman is responsible for the social sphere, then the man is for professional,” says sociologist Irina Skalaban.
“Therefore, for him, professional self-realization is the key to success.” Success is assessed not only by family members, but also by society as a whole. “Most of the men focus on their careers since childhood, the production of food – this is a gender-based device,” explains the director of the psychological center “Amalthea” Evgeny Aleksandrov. – In a situation where these settings are very strict, loss of work is a powerful blow for a man. Some people knock them down so that they lie down and do not get up any more. ”
According to the family psychologist of the perinatal center Tatiana Skritskaya, the degree of emotions depends on the contribution to the family budget: if a man earned more than his wife or the same amount, unemployment is perceived extremely negatively.
In addition, the character – a soft, empathetic man, able to share his experiences with his wife, affects the career crisis easier than the hard man dominant in marriage.
When a woman marries and agrees to be together in wealth and in poverty, no one warns her that all that has been said can come to pass. The passing banner of the breadwinner and breadwinner can reveal the deep problems of both the individual and the family as a whole. “If the spouses do not have well-defined ideas about who earns money, who is washing dishes, this situation is much more experienced,” explains Tatiana Skritskaya. “If there is a clear division and the man demonstrated his superiority, earning more, then in a reverse situation a woman may have a desire to recoup and impose her own rules of the game.”
In response, the spouse may begin to drink or dissolve his hands, thus proving that he is still the head of the family and stronger, even if only physically.
In order not to allow such negative variants of the development of events, it is important to emphasize the status and position of the man in the family, because even after losing his job, he remains a father and husband, important and meaningful.
life is over. Instead of chatter in the smoking room – dreary loneliness, instead of a strict suit – T-shirt and training. In a situation that has recently begun, but has already managed to annoy the crisis, people who have lost their jobs are not uncommon. But if a woman suddenly settles down at home, even if there is no baby in her arms, will cause understanding, then the man who picks up every day in the kitchen is more perplexed.
According to Irina Skalaban, the person in this situation is unequivocally bad: he fell out of the habitual social environment and he has a decline in social status. In this state, a man becomes extremely vulnerable – one careless word can cause an explosion of emotions. How should a woman behave in such a situation? “To pretend that nothing has happened, do not touch this topic – it’s like walking around a sore and pretending that it is not,” says Irina Skalaban. “In the case when the husband was left without work, it is important to make the right dose of the construct.” To do this, you can even connect children, if they are old enough, and discuss the current situation all together.
“If the family takes part in overcoming the problem, forming an anti-crisis program, then it will be easier for everyone – everyone supports each other”
– the sociologist continues. Expressing their discontent, allowing the man to close, the woman only forms a sense of guilt in the husband, driving him into a corner. Instead of daily questioning and whining, discuss further plans, throw some book, offer to go learn. “It is important that a person continues to act so that he does not lay down horizontally,” the sociologist stresses. – You can perceive the current situation as a problem, but you can as a resource ».
And all is not enough for me
The problem of lack of money and women’s sawing on this issue existed long before the era of the financial crisis. On the one hand, choosing a life partner, rarely anyone looks into his wallet. But after a while it turns out that a good guy – this is not a profession, and it would be nice to earn more. Unfortunately, if a person is not able to earn big money, it is almost impossible to influence the situation, in this case the man himself will have to reconsider his attitude to money and professional skills.
“In our culture there is still a stereotype that making money is bad. It helps to absolve myself from responsibility – I’m a good specialist, but pay me a little.
Earning big money, as a rule, a person assumes great responsibility. For one reason or another, not all men can take it upon themselves, “explains Tatiana Skritskaya.
By the pike command
And yet there are men who not only courageously cope with their own imprisonment in four walls, but also enjoy it. If you have a treasure lying on the couch and are in permanent search, sit down and think.
To begin with, look into yourself: if you married a parasite, then this is your only problem – after all, you changed the requirements for a man, and he was, as it was, and remained Emelya on the stove.
For those who are interested in the causes of the phenomenon of Emely, according to Tatyana Skritskaya, this can be a negative experience in the previous work or mid-life crisis, when a man thinks – rather than changing the work and the sphere of activity in general. And the more the desired and the real do not coincide, the stronger the desire to destroy and change everything. What can a woman do if she has not had time to “get under the distribution”? “First of all – to talk and find out what the difficulties in finding work are related to. It is rare that a person should not be interested in anything that makes any work unattractive, “advises Tatiana Skritskaya.
If all methods of influence have been tried, it is worth admitting that there are things that you can not influence. “A very Russian variant, when a woman pulls to herself this glorious baby who is her husband to the last,” notes Irina Skalaban. – I do not support the idea of living at any cost just because we once signed in one paper. But only the woman can decide whether she needs it or not. “