In 18 years, talking about children for a young person is giggling with friends, at 25 you have to fight with slanting views and questions of aunts. And even if you staunchly hold onto the pressure of public opinion, in 30 to get away from the question “and yet – when?”
Will be difficult. It is especially difficult for those who wish to have a child coincide with the absence of a candidate for fathers. An exit today can be the search for a biological father and the birth of a child from a donor.
Who goes to this, which moves the male donors and women who decided to give birth “for themselves,” the correspondent of SHE explained.
Today you can get acquainted with the donor at forums and social networks. And those who want to give sperm to men are attracted to medical centers engaged in artificial insemination. All this pretty much resembles the rubric “buy-sell” and corrupts the uninitiated. And women who decide to conceive from a donor are unlikely to deserve public recognition.
Nevertheless, such women are becoming more and more: they want to give birth to a child from a donor today not only women of unconventional sexual orientation, but also quite heterosexual, successful and attractive women. The development of such demand is not hampered by psychologists – they connect this with the most important criterion of modern psychology – the consumer position.
Choosing a donor on the questionnaire in a sperm bank, a woman finds herself in the usual role of a supermarket customer: conveniently, reliably and no efforts to build relationships.
Women who have decided to take such a step can be conditionally divided into two categories. The first are ladies desperate to find the ideal partner for their unborn child. They find it difficult to build relationships, make novels, and it is impossible to find a candidate suitable for the role of father. They decide on the donor option, because it relieves the responsibility of communicating with a man and explaining his motives and needs.
“This is the moment of compensation:” Since I did not manage to meet the man of my dreams and live with him, at least I would be able to get a child from an ideal man “- psychotherapist Igor Lyakh explains the motive of women who carefully study the questionnaire of candidates, looking in the questionnaires of potential fathers of blue-eyed artists or a strong addition of technicians with higher education. Such women, by the way, will always strive to learn something about the donor:
“Buy” the father of the
second category – a tough position “face to yourself.” This path is chosen by emancipated careerists who do not want to share power and responsibility: they can afford to give birth and raise a child without a husband. Such a woman, on the contrary, will choose the option of complete anonymity – she does not even need a hint of a real man “on the other side.” “From a psychoanalytic point of view, it is a challenge to a man:” I do not have male genital organs, but I can buy them “, this is a peculiar quintessence of emancipation,” Igor Lyakh comments.
You can buy a father in Novosibirsk in a large specialized clinic. So, in “Avicenna” donor’s sperm costs 9300 rubles, in the Center – about 6000 rubles. Natalia Makhotina, head of the department of reproductive health at the clinic of the Center for Contemporary Neurosurgery, explained that
only adequately mentally and completely healthy physically men under 40 years old who are married and have their children take donors.
Every 6 months, the donor undergoes full medical examination, and the sperm passed to him is kept in frozen condition for six months – to confirm the absence of infections. In this case, according to the world practice, full anonymity is observed: a woman looking for a donor will never know about the identity and passport data of the “father”, and the donor’s wife, in turn, – about his specific hobby.
The fact is that sperm are not handed over to young married students: according to the observations of the head of the reproductive department of the Center, the majority are wealthy men who came here not for 2-3 thousand rubles of compensation. This is a practical and legal embodiment of the male desire to inseminate all of humanity. According to Igor Lyakh, this increases the social value of men for himself: he becomes like heroes on TV, who have many illegitimate children (such are the stars and politicians). And a kind of intrigue (where the creation of my body lives) adds an aura of mystical secret knowledge.
In general, men like. Some – so much so that they offer their services on forums and sites.
Maxim, who created the site (he said – the first in Russia) with the offer of his services in 2006, offers to sell semen for 15 thousand rubles. and says that he does not complain about the lack of demand.
He is 31 years old, has a wife and son, by his own admission, helps mostly couples and only adequate single women. How determines adequacy? By experience (“I’m a lawyer and a good psychologist”), the donor “business” and personal life clearly distinguishes: does the wife know? No, God forbid. When asked whether the woman required maternity or meetings after the birth of the child, he answered briefly and clearly: “Never. The woman went through fire, water and copper pipes, then to find Papa? “.
He admitted: now many unscrupulous donors have appeared – by selling the sperm cheaper than the market price, they are beginning to look for opportunities to meet with the woman and even to have some kind of relationship with her. “This can happen in men who for some reason are unhappy with the current relationship and are trying to build new, initially dependent. After all, in fact, this behavior is a violation of the original agreement on anonymity, “the psychotherapist comments.
Loneliness of the blood
Doctors do not try to hide that there will be only more donors with time. Last year, a study was conducted in Novosibirsk on the reproductive health of men, where it was found that 60% of men under the age of 40 had deviations in the hormonal background and viability of spermatozoa. So, women will increasingly resort to the services of healthy inseminators. And this will inevitably lead to changes in society.
So, masculine-minded (read – a successful careerist with a pivot inside) a woman almost one hundred percent (according to psychologists) will raise a child “for themselves” – that is, a dependent obedient man. Or a girl with the worldview copied from her.
According to sociologist Tatyana Repina, the subject of donation, activated both by medical and ideological motives, will lead to an almost complete erosion of the already fragile institution of the traditional family today. In a new generation brought up by one parent, another model of behavior becomes traditional: without having a practice of communicating with two parents, they will build their lives in a similar way. So, having given birth to a child alone, you need to be ready for the fact that the daughter will be convinced from childhood that all the boys are useless cowards, and the son is genuinely puzzled, why learn to use the hammer.